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Author Topic: Women Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2004 05:28 PM                        Rated X What's the difference between a woman's hand and hot water? . . . . . . . . . . . Hot water makes a meat tender,while a woman's hand makes it hard.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2004 05:29 PM                        Rated X What's the difference between a woman's hand and hot water? . . . . . . . . . . . Hot water makes a meat tender,while a woman's hand makes it hard.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2004 05:29 PM                        Rated X What's the difference between a woman's hand and hot water? . . . . . . . . . . . Hot water makes a meat tender,while a woman's hand makes it hard.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2004 01:22 PM                        Rated G Michele I haven't found Mr. Right yet... I HAVE found Mr. Cheap, Mr. Sleazy, Mr. Lazy, Mr. Sneaky, Mr. Dirty, Mr. Dopey...and definitely Mr. Wrong!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2004 02:20 PM                        Rated G The Ladies At Lunch Mary: Oh,there's my friend Elaine over there.She's a smart lady. Jill: What makes her so smart? Mary: Oh, she has a great job working with computers, but she just has a lot of sense. She never got married. Jill: Well, that puts her one up on us, doesn't it? Mary: Hell, it puts her three up on me!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2004 11:05 AM                        Rated XXX According to a new article in 'Cosmopolitan' magazine,they say the position you sleep in says a lot about you. They say women who sleep on their sides are sensitive,women who sleep on their stomachs are competent,and women who sleep on their backs with their ankles behind their ears are very popular.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-16-2004 07:20 AM                        Rated PG Sally in Boston I Am Woman I shave my legs, I sit down to pee And I can justify any shopping spree. Don't go to a barber but a beauty salon Can have a massage without getting a hard-on. I can balance the checkbook, can pump my own gas I can talk to my friends about the size of my ass. My beauty's a masterpiece,and yes, it takes long. At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong. I don't drive in circles at any cost, And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost. I never forget an important date You just have to deal with it, I'm usually late. I don't watch movies with lots of gore Don't need instant replay to remember the score I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch, and just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch. Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her In your dreams, my dear, I can do better! Flowers are ok, but jewelry's best. Would you look at my face, Not at my chest! I don't have a problem with expressing my feelings I know when your lying, You look at the ceiling. Don't call me a girl, A babe or a chick. I am a WOMAN, Get it, you prick?!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-21-2004 06:39 AM                        Rated G The Ladies at Lunch Jill: You wouldn't believe how inexperienced with women my ex was when we first married. Mary: How bad was he? Jill: On our wedding night, he tried to inflate me.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-26-2004 08:00 AM                        Rated G Michele Ladies...when you want a man to pay attention to you, wear a full-length black nightgown with buttons all over it.Sure it's uncomfortable.But it makes you look just like his TV remote control.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-26-2004 08:42 AM                        Rated PG Jill And then my ex thought I owed HIM an apology! Mary: Well, did you give him one? Jill: Oh, yeah! I said, "I'm sorry you're an asshole!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2004 06:13 AM                        Rated G Jill was getting real discouraged over the lack of finding a steady man in her life. In an attempt to lift her spirits,her friend Nadine said, "There's a man for every woman and a woman for every man.You can't change that." Jill replied,"I don't want to change it! I just wanna get in on it."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-30-2004 09:58 AM                        Rated G Michele As a single,never-married woman in my 40's,I have been questioned endlessly about my status by my friends, relatives, and co-workers.Over the years,I've noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries. In my teens,friends would ask,"Who are you going out with this weekend?" In my 20's,relatives would say,"Who are you dating?" In my 30's, co-workers might inquire,"So,are you dating anyone yet?" Now people ask,"Where did you get that adorable purse?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2004 10:26 AM                        Rated G Michele A Woman's Dictionary Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right but he just hasn't realized it yet. Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire". Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner". Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them. Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church. Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus...breath...push...Good Girl!" Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a pound of M&M chocolate covered peanuts. Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game. Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase. Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone, who is able to create a style, you will never be able to duplicate again. See also "Magician". Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear. Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day ,when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card. Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it. Zillion (zil*yen) n. The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2004 11:34 AM                        Rated G Bill In London What I learned about women from reading PlayBoy Garter belts are extremely comfortable, especially with fishnet stockings. Twin sisters love to cuddle on bearskin rugs in front of a roaring fire. They love to have pillow fights with their friends at slumber parties. Their fathers are always proud and supportive of their choice to pose nude to the entire world. They love riding on horses, motorcycles, and jet-skis naked. They all think Hugh Hefner is the sexiest man alive. Frolicking on a beach in the nude with three of their closest friends is their idea of a great afternoon. They think it's fun to share a hot tub with one guy and 4 large breasted women. A man's looks aren't important to even the most beautiful of women. They enjoy gentle caresses with a female friend in the locker room after a grueling workout. When women eat a bananna or a popsicle, they are imagining that they are pleasuring a man. They have no qualms about being nude in a crowded bar or restaurant. While showering, a perfect silouette is always cast on the door/curtain. They express their interests with "turn ons" and "turn offs". They wear sheer silk nightgowns to bed every night, even when alone. They seldomly wear underwear, except on rare occasions that call for a lacy thong"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-11-2004 02:09 PM                        Rated G Michele Mary: I've been to so many weddings and funerals in the last year that I'm starting to get them confused!They both have flowers,guests, and music. Jill: Yeah,but the difference is that after a funeral, it's okay for them to start dating again.  |  IP: Logged

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