"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft,that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.

"This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet the challenge the only way I know how: head-on. "I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again.

No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work nonstop and fight this,blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair.

I will not be stained by it. "Thank you."

Monica Lewinsky

Bill Clinton's Anthem
( Sing to the tune : A Few of my Favorite Things)

Blow jobs and land deals
in backwater places,
Big Macs and French fries
and girls with big faces,
Lots of nice cleavage
that makes Willie spring,
These are a few of my favorite things

Susan McDougal
and Gennifer Flowers,
Horny young interns
who while 'way the hours,
Profits from futures
that Hillary brings,
These are a few of my favorite things

When that Jones bites,
When Ken Starr stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember
my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Beating the draft board,
and getting elected,
Naming to judgeships
some hacks I've selected,
Conspiracy theories,
that blame the right wing,
These are a few of my favorite things

Golfing with Vernon
and suborning perjury,
Falling down drunk
that required knee surgery
Stars in the White House
who come here to sing,
These are a few of my favorite things

One brisk morning in Washington DC, President Clinton was jogging down the street when he came upon a little boy.

This little boy was pulling a wagon with a sack in the back of it.

President Clinton said "Hi son, what do you have in your wagon?" "Will sir, the little boy replied, "I have some puppies."

"Puppies!" exclaimed Bill. "What kind of puppies do you have?" "Democrats!!" The little boy replied.

"Democrats!" shrieked Bill. "I'll have to get Al to see this!"

Well' when the President went jogging the next morning, He made Al Gore go along with him so that he could see the little boy and his puppies.

Bill saw the little boy and went up to him. The President said " Hi little boy. Do you still have the puppies?" The little boy said "Yes sir".

Al Gore bent down to get a closer look at the wagon and said "What kind of puppies are they?" "Republicans!!" Replied the little boy.

"Republicans!" cried Bill. "But yesterday they were Democrats!"

Why doesn't Hillary wear short dress?

TOP FIVE SIGNS PRESIDENT CLINTON IS READY TO COOPERATE WITH THE REPUBLICANS IN CONGRESS

President Clinton began his second term offering to end political bickering with the Republican controlled Congress.

"I want to meet them halfway on many issues, and I hope they will meet me
halfway," said Clinton.

#5. No longer orders Al Gore to run out and egg Newt's car everytime the Speaker drives by the White House.

#4. Kegger at Camp David next time Hillary's outta town!

#3. Promises to keep his shoes on during this year's "State of the Union" address.

#2. Named Rush Limbaugh to head the "President's Council on Physical Fitness."

Why doesn't Hillary cut Bill's hair?
He won't pay her $300.

Why is it more dangerous than normal to sit next to Bill Clinton while he's smoking?
The smoke is still firsthand!

What is the Arkansas state flower?
Gennifer

What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
His face.

What does Jeffrey Dahmer's victims and The Clintons' hair styles have in common?
They both look like the work of a butcher...

If The Clinton's were younger, do you think they would have known the Clampents?
Possibly, Bill might have made Jethro's acquaintance in the 6th grade.

Why doesn't Hillary wear short dress?

•President Clinton is furious with People magazine for a story on his daughter. Up until now, there's been an unwritten agreement between the president and the press - they'll leave his daughter alone, and he'll leave their daughters alone. (Leno)

•You can understand Clinton being upset... he's tried very, very hard never to do anything that would embarrass his family. (Letterman)

•Bill and Hillary say they'd give up on the press altogether if it wasn't for the good, decent people at Hustler. (SNL)

Bill Clinton went jogging one morning and came upon the Washington monument.
He said, "George, what should I do?"

After a few seconds George replied, "Abolish the IRS and start over."

Bill thought about this for a few seconds and continued jogging.
Shortly he came upon the Jefferson Memorial and stopped.
He said "Tom, what should I do?"

After a few seconds Tom replied, "Abolish welfare and start over."

Bill continued jogging after thinking about this and came upon the Lincoln
Memorial. He said, "Abe, what should I do?"

What did Clinton say to Al Gore about the whole affair?
- Pardon Me.

How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching" Monica's testimony?
- "It wasn't words that I tried to put in her mouth".

What was the Washington Post Headline?
- Bush Beats Clinton

This is from a contest on Long Island.  The requirements were to use the two words Lewinsky and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in a limerick.  Here are the three winners:

Third place:

There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Second place:

Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.

And the winning entry:

Bill Clinton is visiting a school.

In one class, he asks all of the students if any one can give him an example of a "TRAGEDY".

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a TRAGEDY."

"No," Clinton says, "That an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a TRAGEDY."

I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton. "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a TRAGEDY?"

Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he speaks:

"If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a TRAGEDY."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"

During a heated news conference, Clinton was asked, "What about the powerful interest that controls you ?"

I don't think Ken Starr has a sex life.