Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the Midwest.

A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.

When they come down and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the land of Oz.

They decide to go to see the Wizard of Oz.

Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."

Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."

The Clintons and the Gores were having dinner one evening, in 1996 and the topic of conversation got around to sex and partners.

One day several years ago, Bill Clinton was looking for a call girl.

He found three such ladies in a local lounge---a blonde , a brunette , and a redhead.

To the blonde he said , "I am the president of the United States. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?"

The blonde replied, "Two hundred dollars."

To the brunette he posed the same question , and she replied, "One hundred dollars.

"He then asked the redhead the same question.

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"

Dear Mr. Ex-Pres:

I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted forClinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, . . . specifically:

1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?

2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until they were older to discuss it with them, but now they know more about it than I did as a senior in college.

3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have sex.

4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all.

5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.

6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising.

7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonments from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.

8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips.

9. Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars of excess tax money. I really didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more well deserving group of recipients for my hard-earned dollars than jet fuel for all of your globe-trotting. I understand you; the family and your cronieshave logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration.

10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society.

11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware, I'm sure that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends".

12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out of Air Force One. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus lesstax dollars spent on jet fuel, thank you!

13. And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $5 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay! (I am adding) $13 million and you now want us to pay for your legal bills??Also Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs, and Hillary got $8 million for hers. That's $20 million for two people who for eight years repeatedly testified they couldn't remember anything.

God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so wisely and frugally.

Sincerely,

A US Citizen

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