A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army."

But, wait a minute," said the listener.

"She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"

"Sure," replied the man.

"Well, won't they find out?

During an Army war game, a Commanding Officer's (CO) jeep got
stuck in the mud. The CO saw some men lounging aroud nearby and
asked them to help him get unstuck. "Sorry, sir," said one of the
loafers, "but we've been classified dead, and the umpire said we
couldn't contribute in any way."

A Civil War soldier awakens in a field hospital.

He looks at the doctor and says, "Something is wrong, Doc. I can’t feel my leg!"

The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:

"Dear Captain,
Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies.

One last point:No, Mexicans. We don't like Mexicans.

"Sure enough, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door. She opened the door to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling black officers.

Her jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake!"

"The young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in
the South Pacific.

One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients.

He radioed a base hospital:

'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?'

A prankster got hold of the message.

This was the reply:

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier" "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try
it again."

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

My father,an Army major,was conducting a field test when
communications went dead.

Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station.

When my father and the sergeant ran in,the group cheered their
arrival.

The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook my father's hand.

"Don't congratulate me, sir," my father said modestly as he pointed to his driver."It was all the sergeant's doing."

The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant.
"Congratulations,"he said."The major's wife just had a baby girl."

At the Russian War College, a general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight in a World War Three?""Yes, comrades, it looks like you will," answers the general.

"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer
asks.

"The likelihood is that it will be China." The class is surprised, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion.

How can we possibly win?"

"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews have been fighting against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time."

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannon fired round iron cannon balls.

It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?

The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.

There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. But if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it.The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys."

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently,when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!" (And all this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you?)

When references to "brass monkeys" started appearing in print in the mid-19th century, they did not always mention balls or cold temperatures. It was sometimes cold enough to freeze the ears, tail, nose, or whiskers off a brass monkey. Likewise, it was sometimes hot enough to "scald the throat" or "singe the hair" of a brass monkey. These usages are inconsistent with the putative origins offered here.

Warships didn't store cannonballs (or "round shot") on deck around the clock, day after day, on the slight chance that they might go into battle. Space was a precious commodity on sailing ships, and decks were kept as clear as possible in order to allow room for hundreds of men to perform all the tasks necessary for ordinary ship's functions. (Stacking round shot on deck would also create the danger of their breaking free and rolling around loose on deck whenever the ship encountered rough seas.) Cannonballs were stored elsewhere and only brought out when the decks had been cleared for action.

Particularly diligent gunners (not "masters," who were in charge of navigation, sailing and pilotage, not ordnance) would have their crews chip away at imperfections on the surface of cannonballs to make them as smooth as possible, in the hopes that this would cause them fly truer. They did not leave shot on deck, exposed to the elements, where it would rust.
Nobody really knows where the phrase "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from, but the explanation offered here certainly isn't the answer.

When the very curvaceous female midshipman at the Naval Academy noticed one of the men she was inspecting during formation had an erection, "And what do you call that trouser bulge, mister??"

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car, stuck in the mud, and with a red-facedcolonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

On some air force bases the Air Force uses one side of the field, and
civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control
tower in the middle.

On day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,"What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were
both getting finished with their shaves when the barbers reached for some
after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
think I've been in a whorehouse!"