A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, laid on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options.

One was an alcoholic. One was a chain smoker. One was a homosexual.

The doctor, addressing all three of them said seriously: "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."

The men left the doctor's office, each convinced he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway to return home, they passed a bar.

The alcoholic, hearing the music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself.

His buddies accompanied him into the bar where he had a shot of whiskey.

No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, the alcoholic fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His companions, rather shaken up, left the bar realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words.

As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.

A surgeon was retiring from his long and rewarding career as a specialist in circumcision.

Throughout his career, he had saved the foreskins of his patients in specimen jars as momentos, and now wished to fashion them into a souvenir.

So he brought his hundreds of specimens to a leathersmith, and asked him to craft an article of fine artistic quality.

"I'll see what I can do," said the artisan, "Check back with me in one week."

The surgeon returned one week later, eager to see what magnificent article the leathersmith had made for him.

The leathersmith presented him a wallet.

"All those foreskins and you only make me a wallet?" exclaimed the surgeon.

A guy walks into a crowded doctor's office and says to the receptionist, "There's something wrong with my dick."

The receptionist looks up and says, "You shouldn't say things like that in a crowded reception area.

Please leave, and when you come back in, say there's something wrong with your ear, or something like that."

The guy walks out, then walks back in.

The receptionist says, "Yes?"

The guy says, "There's something wrong with my ear."

The receptionist says, "And what's wrong with your ear, sir?"

This doctor took all the Psycho patients to a room and gave them all tall stools to sit. 

They he asked them to pretend that they are on a bicycle and to peddle (as part of his treatment).

Well all started to peddle and pretend that they were really on a bicycle. But one patient just sat there doing nothing.

The doc approached him and said “Why don't you peddle your bicycle like others?”

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Concerned about his failing manhood, a farmer went to the local doctor for help.

The doctor gave him a small container of pills and told him to take no more than one a day.

Back home, the farmer thought he'd try the medication on his stud horse first.

The horse swallowed the pill, jumped out of his stall, kicked a side of the barn over, and ran off down the road.

"Those pills are too strong for me," the farmer thought, and pour the rest into his well.

Later, when the doctor came to check on him, the farmer told how he had disposed of the medication.

"Heavens!" exclaimed the doctor.

"You haven't drunk any of the well water, have you?"

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.

The nurse asks him,"Charlie what are you doing?"

Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!"

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car.

Well Charlie, how you doing?"

Charlie says, "I’m in Chicago!"

"Great," replied the nurse.

The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room and finds Bob sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.

With surprise she asks, "Bob what are you doing!"

A woman comes to a doctor and says, "Doctor, I need your help."

"What seems to be the problem?" inquires the physician.

"Well," says the woman, blushing ever so slightly, "You see... My husband does not satisfy me sexually. He tries and he tries, but he is just not enough for me. What can I do?"

"Hmmmm," said the good doctor, "That's a bit out of my league. Has he seen the doctor?"

"Yes, he has. He is perfectly Ok. He just can't provide me with what I need. You've got to help me!"

"Er... Why don't you take a lover?" suggests the doctor.

"But I have!" replies the woman, "I still don't get enough."

"Take another lover." "I did."

"Well, take another one!" says the exasperated Doc.

"I did!" exclaims the woman, "As a matter of fact, I have a husband and eight lovers. And I still don't get enough sex!

"Gosh, that's an anomaly."

"Really?!” she exclaims “Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly!

The Examination

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation.

She's laid on a rolling bed by the nurse and brought to the corridor.

Before they enter the room, the nurse leaves her behind the surgery room door and goes in to check whether everything is ready. 

A young man, wearing a white coat, approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body.

He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.

The second man comes over and performs the same examination.

When a third man starts examining her body so closely, she grows impatient and says, "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"

The 80-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office.

"You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."

"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the doctor replied.

An old country ne'er-do-well went to the doctor because he was having trouble sleeping.

The doctor asked him to describe the problem he was experiencing.

"Well doc..." the old man said, "I sleep good at nite, and I sleep pretty good in the morning. But of late, I been a-gettin' real restless when I try to sleep in the afternoons

A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass."

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