my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Sports (Page 13)

This topic comprises 15 pages: 1  2  3  ...  10  11  12  13  14  15

Author Topic: Sports Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 02:54 PM                        Rated G Gerry An incensed coach ran out on the field and yelled at the referee, "You stink." Whereupon the referee paced off an additional fifteen yards looked back at the coach and said, "Okey, how do I smell from here?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 03:11 PM                        Rated G Hot Mama "In his first interview since the Olympics Bode Miller says that he has received many letters calling him a disgrace to the country.To give you an idea of how bad it is – most of the letters came from Tonya Harding." --Conan O'Brien  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 11:56 AM                        Rated G Gerry A bookstore featured special events for children and families. One day a group of actors appeared dressed in medieval costumes. One was wearing a full suit of armor. A young boy stood very still and stared at the armored knight. "Dad," he asked, "is he their goalie?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 10:17 AM                        Rated G Gerry It's a good idea that kids in Little League are exposed to umpires that are never wrong and always win arguments. It helps prepare them for marriage.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 10:19 AM                        Rated G Betsy An athlete won a gold medal in the Olympics and was so proud of it that he took it right to a shop in town and had it bronzed.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 09:20 AM                        Rated G Gerry When you're twenty-five, fishing is a challenge. When you're forty-five, it's relaxation. When you're sixty-five, fishing is exercise.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 10:46 AM                        Rated G A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?" "That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat." "Wow! Does that really work?" "You bet it does." "Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it." "Well, okay." After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?" "You're the sixth." he said.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-31-2006 01:45 PM                        Rated G While fishing an old rock quarry, I noticed SCUBA divers were diving at the other end of the pond. When I hooked a fish one of the divers came over to watch me fight it. After about ten minutes my line became hung. I was about to break the line when the diver said he would go down and see what I was hung up on. So in he went. After several minutes he came up and said, "Man... you've hooked the biggest catfish I ever saw! Why, its as big as a man. But there are some old cars down there and it went inside one and hung you up." "Well," I said, " Why don't you take a stick and drive it out of the car?" "I tried," he said, "but each time I poked at him with the stick, he rolled the window up!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2006 01:08 PM                        Rated G Spaz Mary said to her neighbor, “Don’t tell me you believe your husband’s story that he spent the day fishing. Why, he didn’t come home with a single fish.” That’s why I believe him,” the neighbor said.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-07-2006 06:36 AM                        Rated G Spaz Panting and perspiring, two men on a tandem bicycle at last got to the top of a steep hill. “That was a stiff climb,” said the first man. “It certainly was,” replied the second man. “And if I hadn’t kept the brake on, we would have slid down backward.”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-28-2006 07:12 PM                        Rated G Lorraine My quiet Saturday morning ended abruptly when my 15-year-old son, Billy, and one of his friends burst through the door. "Hey Dad, announced Billy, "have you met the new neighbors?" "No." "Come on Dad, you have to meet them." "Some other time; I'm busy." "Dad, you have to meet them now." From the urgency in Billy's voice, I assumed the neighbors were waiting outside. I set aside my project and went to the front of the house. No one was there. "Where are they?" I asked. "Well, Dad," he explained, "we haven't met them yet either, but our baseball is in their living room!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2006 10:28 AM                        Rated G to R America's favorite national pastime...baseball. Enjoy these jokes! --- Q.Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team? A. Becasue she ran away from the ball! --- The Chicago Cubs...they are at least trying. They installed a new pitching machine the other day. Unfortunately it beat them 5-1! --- Q: Heard about the huge oil spill off the coast here? A: They've hired the Dodgers to help clean it up. They just go out there and throw in the towel. --- Q: Why does Michael Jackson like baseball games? A: Because he gets to see some balls. --- Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games? A: Because there's not a fan in the place. --- Q: Who's the most famous Los Angeles Dodger? A: O.J. Simpson. --- Q: Why is it so windy at Candlestick Park? A: Because of all the Giant Fans! --- Q: What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists? A: One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. --- Q: What is the difference between baseball and law? A: In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out. --- Confucius say that baseball very funny game; man can walk on 4 balls. --- Q: What is the difference between Mel Rojas and UPS? A: UPS knows how to throw a strike. --- Wade Boggs, Steve Garvey and Pete Rose are in a bar. A pretty woman walks by and Boggs says, "I'm going to ask her out." Garvey replied, "You can't do that, she's carrying my baby." To which Rose added, "You wanna bet?" --- One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here." "Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!" --- The American MLB is deciding whether or not to reinstate Pete Rose in the 98 season. When asked about it, Rose said, "I hope they do, cause I've got $100 riding on it." --- I love autumn. It gives me a chance to sit at home and watch the world series. A bit like the Dodgers. --- Q: What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player? A: Babe Root. ---  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2006 02:28 PM                        Rated G to R Football Jokes Q: Why can't Michael Irvin be in the Cowboy huddle anymore? A: It's a parole violation for him to associate with known felons --- An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "I'm a bit worried - can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?" "Of course," replies the doctor, "Where do you think Chicago bears fans come from?" --- Q: Why is the pitch at Kansas City so Green? A: Cuz they keep putting lots of shit on it. --- Q: How do the Cowboys spend the first week of training camp? A: Studying the Miranda Rights --- The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year. 12 arrests and 5 convictions. --- Q: How do you kill a NY Giants fan when he's been drinking? A: Slam the toilet seat on his head. --- Q: What does the average Jacksonville player get on his SATs? A: Drool. --- Q: How do you get a Tennessee graduate off your porch? A: Pay him for the pizza. --- Q: What do you get when you put 28 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? A: A full set of teeth.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2007 02:33 PM                        Rated G Little League Conference Coach Jones called the young lad in from center fielf during a little league game for a conference. "See here Larry," said the coach, "you know the principles of good sportsmanship that the little league practices. You also know we don't tolerate temper tandrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language. Do I make myself clear?" "Yes Sir," replied Larry. "Well, then Larry," sighed Coach Jones, "would you please try to explain it to your mother?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2007 10:42 AM                        Rated G Lorraine On September 22, 1940, Washington Redskins captain Turk Edwards went out for the coin toss at the start of a game. As he trotted back to the bench, he caught a cleat in the turf and one of his knees buckled. The future Hall of Famer never played professional football again.  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 15 pages: 1  2  3  ...  10  11  12  13  14  15

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.