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Author Topic: Sports Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-04-2006 04:36 PM                        Rated G I decided to warm up before heading out cross-country skiing. I firmly planted my hands on the trunk of my car and stretched my legs behind. A young girl and her father passed by and I heard the child ask, "Daddy, aren't you going to help her push?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-04-2006 04:42 PM                        Rated G John 'Bullfighting is the number-one sport in Latin America.' 'That's revolting!' 'No, that's the number-two sport.'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2006 08:24 AM                        Rated G Gerry As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-baseline, I asked one of the boys what the score was. "We're behind 14 to nothing." he answered with a smile. "Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged about that." "Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. " Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2006 10:39 AM                        Rated G Lulu "How did your horse win the race?" the visitor asked the jockey. "Well, I just kept whispering in his ear," replied the jockey. "Roses are red, violets are blue. Horses that lose are made into glue."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2006 06:45 AM                        Rated G Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2006 06:54 AM                        Rated G B.B. Something Fishy Here To be successful at fishing you should get there yesterday, when the fish were biting! Fisherman: A sportsman who first lies in wait for a fish, and then lies in weight after catching it! Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught! Then there are those times when you can swear you've got a fish, but all you've caught is weeds! Fishing stimulates the brain - also, The imagination. The typical fisherman is long on optimism and short on memory.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2006 07:20 AM                        Rated G A male sportscaster disparaged women golfers, saying that breasts get in the way of their swings. Obviously that foot got in the way of his mouth. However, using his logic, men would have a built-in handicap when running track. And let's not talk about the hurdles.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2006 07:49 AM                        Rated PG B.B. 'Ski-through Loo' Skiers who get caught short on the slopes can keep their skis on following the invention of a new 'ski-through loo'. The toilet, created by Austrian ski lift operator Johann Berger, 55, from St. Jakob in Styria allows users to ski directly into the cubicle, before skiing out the other side back onto the slopes. "It's based on the drive-through concept, but with skis," explained Berger. "We've laid down a special low friction carpet and implemented a one-way system to avoid collisions." He added: "The toilet was originally meant for children. Every ski instructor is well aware of the problem; 10 minutes after the lesson begins 17 out of 20 children need to go to the toilet. "This will help solve the problem a lot faster, and is also ideal for adults too." Berger says the 'ski-through loo' is the first toilet designed for use while wearing skis and hopes the system will take off around the country.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2006 07:50 AM                        Rated G B.B. Q. Why did Texas choose orange as their team color? A. You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2006 05:22 PM                        Rated PG A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel. He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind.At first she is really embarrassed,but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?" He replies,"Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00,but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-31-2006 09:49 AM                        Rated G Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. ~Rita Rudner~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-31-2006 10:30 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Q: Have you ever wondered how baseball superstar Leroy "Satchel" Paige got his nickname? A: From his size-14 shoes, which were "as big as satchels."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2006 02:07 PM                        Rated G Football should not be called a "contact sport." It's a collision sport. Dancing is a more accurate example of a contact sport. [ 02-05-2006, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 10:16 AM                        Rated G A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?" "That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat." "Wow! Does that really work?" "You bet it does." "Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it." "Well, okay." After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?" "You're the sixth," he said.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 12:52 PM                        Rated G Question: What's the noisiest sport in the world? Answer: Tennis. There's always a racket on the court.  |  IP: Logged

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