my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Sports (Page 12)

This topic comprises 15 pages: 1  2  3  ...  9  10  11  12  13  14  15

Author Topic: Sports Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2006 01:00 PM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Without a doubt, the football team that travels with the most luggage is the Packers.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-09-2006 10:38 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Do you remember when you lost your baby teeth? Yeah, and was I surprised my dad could hit a baseball that hard!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-13-2006 07:17 AM                        Rated G Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked. "You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!" "Really? That's great! How'd you do that?" "I dropped the ball."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-14-2006 09:28 AM                        Rated G "The Winter Olympics began tonight. It's being televised in more than 200 countries. This means that people in 200 different countries will be saying, 'What else is on?'" --Conan O'Brien  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-18-2006 09:51 AM                        Rated G Gerry Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many players on the field?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-20-2006 01:04 PM                        Rated G Lorraine We were on our way to Ohio where my husband was to compete in a hundred-mile endurance run. At the border the customs agent asked what the purpose of our trip was. After being told, he asked, "How long?" "If you mean the run," my husband said, "it's a hundred miles." "God bless you!" the customs officer replied. "Do you have anything to declare, besides your insanity?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2006 08:45 AM                        Rated G Gerry Football is a fascinating game in which two teams fight to get a ball that doesn't even bounce correctly.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-03-2006 09:21 AM                        Rated G "They had a streaker during the curling match between the U.S. and Britain. No charges were pressed against the man because being the curling event there were no witnesses." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-03-2006 10:09 AM                        Rated G Bruce Three guys were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in." Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant. The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information." The first guy gets inspired and grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chuck Wagon. Canada. Javelin." The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck." The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up to the registration table and states: "Dusty Rhodes. Australia. Discus." The attendant says, "Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself." They scamper in, but suddenly realize the third guy is missing. They groan, because he's a simpleton from the hills of Vermont. They forgot to make sure he doesn't do something stupid and blow their cover stories. Just then he walks proudly up to the table with a roll of barbed wire under his arm and states: "Foster Bean. Hardwick, Vermont. Fencing."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 08:42 AM                        Rated G B.B. Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi- pro baseball. "I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition." "Batted .007," his wife added.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2006 07:17 AM                        Rated G Tony When she was about three years old, I began taking my daughter, Sally, fishing with me. Since she caught very little, I'd ask her if she'd like to reel in one of my fish. This, I felt, would give her the idea of how it was to be done, and keep her from getting disheartened and bored. Just before her 13th birthday, we were out in the canoe and she was pulling in fish after fish, while I couldn't hook even one. Finally, after about her 12th fish, Sally turned to me and softly asked, "Would you like to reel in my next fish, Dad?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-12-2006 09:15 AM                        Rated G Lorraine At the beginning of the new ball season, I noticed that my friend's teenage son was playing for the opposing slow-pitch team. I asked Marilyn why her son no longer played on the same team as the rest of the family. "Oh," she replied, "I guess he thought it was time to strike out on his own."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 09:03 AM                        Rated G The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library, so when my husband's co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she could help. "I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said. "Which one?" she asked. He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 07:03 AM                        Rated G While hiking in the mountains one day I came across a gorgeous gorge that I thought was an echo canyon. I shouted "Hello there." But the response sounded to me like "Hello where?" I tried again. "How do you do?" A moment later the report came back sounding like, "How do I do what?" Baffled and amused I decided to give it the ultimate test. "You're not really an echo canyon, are you?" The response from the big ditch confirmed my suspicions. "Brilliant deduction, Einstein!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 07:51 AM                        Rated G Andrew A billboard on the left-field fence read: "The Phillies use Arid Extra-Dry." A fan spray painted underneath, "And they still stink!"  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 15 pages: 1  2  3  ...  9  10  11  12  13  14  15

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.