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Topic: True Stories
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-04-2005 11:21 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Lorraine
My mother-in-law has been widowed for 17 years, and I've been separated for three. The day I met a wonderful single man at the pool, I phoned my mother-in-law to tell her all about him. He was 74 and wanted a companion to enjoy movies, walks and picnics with him. I wanted them to meet.
"Oh, dear," she said, "I'm not sure I'm ready for this."
"It's been more than enough time," I protested.
"But he's 74 years old!" she exclaimed.
"But so are you," I reminded her.
She took a deep breath and said, "Barbara, he's just too old for you!"
"Me!" I exclaimed. "He's for you!" ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 08-14-2005 05:12 AM
Rated G
This Cop A Reward!!
A driver did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman behind him went ballistic, pounding on her horn and screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to drive through the intersection with him.
Still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm awfully sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, 'Child on board' bumper sticker and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk."
Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 08-19-2005 07:09 AM
Rated G Human Interest Story
NAIROBI (AFP) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said.
The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him.
"It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park, told AFP.
"After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added.
"The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added.
"The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 08-23-2005 06:52 PM
Rated G Read Carefully - Sandy in Coronado
About a month ago there was a woman standing by the mall entrance passing out flyers to all the women going in.
The woman had written the flyer herself to tell about an experience she had, so that she might warn other women.
The previous day, this woman had finished shopping, went out to her car and discovered that she had a flat.
She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat.
A nice man dressed in business suit and carrying a briefcase walked up to her and said, "I noticed you're changing a flat tire. Would you like me to take care of it for you?"
The woman was grateful for his offer and accepted his help. They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and then put the flat tire and the jack in the trunk, shut it and dusted his hands off.
The woman thanked him profusely, and as she was about to get in her car, the man told her that he left his car around on the other side of the mall, and asked if she would mind giving him a lift to his car.
She was a little surprised and she asked him why his car was on other side.
He explained that he had seen an old friend in the mall that he hadn't seen for some time and they had a bite to eat and visited for a while. He got turned around in the mall and left through the wrong exit, and now he was running late and his car was clear around on the other side of the mall.
The woman hated to tell him "no" because he had just rescued her from having to change her flat tire all by herself, but she felt uneasy.
Then she remembered seeing the man put his briefcase in her trunk before shutting it and before he asked her for a ride to his car.
She told him that she'd be happy to drive him around to his car, but she just remembered one last thing she needed to buy. She told the man that he could wait for her; she would be as quick as she could be.
She hurried into the mall, and told a security guard what had happened; the guard came! out to her car with her, but the man had left.
They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and took it down to the police station.
The police opened it (ostensibly to look for ID so they could return it to the man).
What they found was rope, duct tape, and knives.
When the police checked her "flat" tire, there was nothing wrong with it; the air had simply been let out.
It was obvious what the man's intention was, and obvious that he had carefully thought it out in advance.
The woman was blessed to have escaped harm. How much worse it would! have been if she had children with her and had them wait in the car while the man fixed the tire, or if she had a baby strapped into a car seat.
Or if she'd gone against her judgment and given him a lift.
Forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life.
I was going to send this to the ladies only; but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it on to them, as well.
Do it now!
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-08-2005 04:49 PM
Rated G Dennis In Yonkers
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.
This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and Wells Fargo billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Wells Fargo:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Wells Fargo: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Wells Fargo:"Since it is two months past due,it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Wells Fargo: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Wells Fargo: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Wells Fargo: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Wells Fargo: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Wells Fargo: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
Wells Fargo: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Wells Fargo: "Our system just isn't set-up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! I f not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Wells Fargo: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Wells Fargo: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 169."
Wells Fargo: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-23-2005 10:41 AM
Rated PG True Sory from Texas
Last week I walked into a local "home style cookin' restaurant/watering hole" to pick up a take out order. I spoke briefly to the waitress behind the counter, who told me my order would be done in a few minutes.
So, while I was busy gazing at the farm implements hanging on the walls, I was approached by two, uh, um... well, let's call them "natives." These guys might just be the original Texas rednecks--complete with ten-gallon hats, snakeskin boots and the pervasive odor of cheap beer and whiskey.
"Pardon us, ma'am. Mind of we ask you a question?"
Well, people keep telling me that Texans are real friendly, so I nodded.
"Are you a Satanist?"
Well, at least they didn't ask me if I liked to party.
"Uh, no, I can't say that I am."
"Gee ma'am. Are you sure about that?" they asked.
I put on my biggest, brightest Dallas Cowboys cheerleader smile and said, "No, I'm positive. The closest I've ever come to Satanism is watching Geraldo."
"Hmm. Interesting. See, we was just wondering why it is you have the lord of darkness on your chest there."
I was this close to slapping one of them and causing a scene--then I stopped and noticed the T-shirt I happened to be wearing that day. Sure enough, it had a picture of a small, devilish looking creature that has for quite some time now been associated with a certain operating system. In this particular representation, the creature was wearing sneakers.
They continued: "See, ma'am, we don't exactly appreciate it when people show off pictures of the devil. Especially when he's lookin' so friendly."
These idiots sounded terrifyingly serious.
Me: "Oh, well, see, this isn't really the devil, it's just, well, it's sort of a mascot."
Native: "And what kind of football team has the devil as a mascot?"
Me: "Oh, it's not a team. It's an operating-- uh, a kind of computer."
I figured that an ATM machine was about as much technology as these guys could handle, and I knew that if I so much as uttered the word "unix" I would only make things worse.
Native: "Where does this satanical computer come from?"
Me: "California. And there's nothing satanical about it really."
Somewhere along the line here, the waitress has noticed my predicament--but these guys probably outweighed her by 600 pounds, so all she did was look at me sympathetically and run off into the kitchen.
Native: "Ma'am, I think you're lying. And we'd appreciate it if you'd leave the premises now."
Fortunately, the waitress returned that very instant with my order, and they agreed that it would be okay for me to actually pay for my food before I left. While I was at the cash register, they amused themselves by talking to each other.
Native #1: "Do you think the police know about these devil computers?"
Native #2: "If they come from California, then the FBI oughta know about 'em."
They escorted me to the door. I tried one last time: "You're really blowing this all out of proportion. A lot of people use this `kind of computers.' Universities, researchers, businesses. They're actually very useful."
Big, big, BIG mistake. I should have guessed at what came next.
Native: "Does the government use these devil computers?"
Me: "Yes."
Another BIG boo-boo.
Native: "And does the government pay for 'em? With our tax dollars?"
I decided that it was time to jump ship.
Me: "No. Nope. Not at all. You're tax dollars never entered the picture at all. I promise. No sir, not a penny. Our good Christian congressmen would never let something like that happen. Nope. Never. Bye."
Texas. What a country.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-08-2005 10:10 AM
Rated G Michele
Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged.
Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit.
Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all collapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apartment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!"
As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?"
"Sure," he replied.
"Did you run into any problems?"
"No."
"Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!"
Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots, the legs unscrew!"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-24-2005 04:57 PM
Rated PG
Man Stops Carjacking With Hot Coffee
BLUFFTON, S.C. (Oct. 20) - A would-be carjacker got quite a jolt when he picked the wrong car to try to steal, Jasper County deputies say. The suspect tapped the window of the car Wednesday morning with a gun and motioned the driver to get out, Chief Deputy Roy Hughes said.
The driver of the car had just bought a cup of hot coffee. So he slammed his door into the carjacker's legs, threw the coffee on him possibly burning the suspect's neck and face, and wrestled him to the ground, Hughes said.
A shot was fired during the scuffle, but no one was hurt. The driver managed to get the gun from the suspect and point it at him, Hughes said.
The suspect ran into the wood behind the store, the chief deputy said.
Deputies are looking for the would-be carjacker along with two people believed to be with him who drove off while the fight was going on, Hughes said.
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