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Author Topic: True Stories Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-02-2003 04:54 PM                        RATED G ~From the mouth of a child After a long good life grandma left us to meet her maker. As final preparations were being made at our home town funeral home my sister-in-law had to take something in, that "grandma" would wear. As she left the car my daughter looks at the Funeral Home and without a bit of hesitation exclaims, "So, THIS is Heaven?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2003 02:11 PM                        Rated G Life's Embarrasing Moments A friend, Linda, and her sister were driving in the procession to the cemetery after a distant relative's funeral. "Since we don't really know anybody, do you want to just head home?" she asked. When her sister nodded,Linda made a right turn. She had gotten about a quarter of a mile down the road when she happened to look in her mirror. The rest of the procession was still following her.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2003 02:15 PM                        Rated G ............Becky My husband and I had been trying to have a third child for awhile. Unfortunately, the day I was to take a home pregnancy test, he was called out of town on business.I had told our young daughters about the test,and they were excited.We decided if it was positive,we would buy a baby outfit to surprise their father when he got home. The three of us stood in the bathroom eagerly waiting for the telltale line to appear.When it did not,my thoughtful seven-year-old gave me a hug. "It's okay, Mom," she said."The next time Daddy goes out of town,you can try and get pregnant again."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2003 02:21 PM                        Rated G .......... Lorraine Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer. "No," said Mom. "It's glue." "I thought so," said Janet. "I wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2003 02:44 PM                        Rated G ...........Becky My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing.My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. "Hello," she whispered. "Hi,honey.How's your mother?"I asked. "She's sleeping,"she answered,again in a whisper. "Did she go to the doctor?"I asked. "Yes.She got some medicine,"my niece said softly. "Well,don't wake her up.Just tell her I called.What are you doing,by the way?" Again in a soft whisper,she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2003 03:11 PM                        Rated PG .................Michele Little Sandy was with her father when they stopped by the beauty shop to pick-up her Mom.She wasn't quite ready,so they sat down and waited. Without any warning,Sandy goes over to her mom's stylist and blurts out,"My Daddy says you're a fairy.May I see your magic wand?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2003 08:37 AM                        Rated G .......Frank One morning in my younger years,I was getting ready to leave for work,my daughter(the sweet angel that she is) who was about 11,came running out of her room and gave me a big hug. As we had had an argument the night before,this kind of surprised and pleased me thinking she had forgiven me.I only lived about five blocks from my work so I always walked instead of driving,not like I do now,get in the car to go across the street to the store.Well,as I was walking along taking my time,other people where coming up from behind and passing me. Today however,they were exceptionally friendly, looking back and smiling and nodding.I thought to myself, what the heck is going on, and then just shrugged it off and started smiling and nodding back. By the time I got to work,I was feeling great, all the smiles and friendliness had worked its magic on me.That is until I got inside and one of my co-workers came up behind me and kicked me in the butt and started laughing. I swirled around and asked him what the heck he was doing and that I didn't think it was so funny.All the other workers were starting to crack up,too and one of them came up and took a big piece of paper off my back. When my angel of a daughter had come up that morning and gave me a big hug,she had taped a sign on my back.It said,"Please kick me,I was mean to my daughter last night." It's a wonder I hadn't got the shit kicked out of me on the way to work.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2003 06:42 AM                        Rated G ................KJM Helping a neighbor replace some roof tiles, my friend fell from a ladder while the other man was out getting materials. Unable to move,his ankle broken,he called out for help;and his neighbor's four-year-old daughter came to his side."Don't worry!" she reassured him and disappeared into the house. A few minutes later she returned dressed in her nurse's outfit, carrying a doctor's bag.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2003 06:24 AM                        Rated G :eek My three-year-old granddaughter was staying with me and proudly announced that she had brushed her teeth and then the dog's. The next day I bought her a new toothbrush. "Why did you buy me this?" she asked. "Because you brushed the dog's teeth with the old one," I told her. "No I didn't, Nanna," she said. "I used yours."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2003 06:57 AM                        Rated G ....................Sue Bee The Merced (Calif.) Sun-Star reported on Dec. 10 that an unnamed man was taken to a hospital in Modesto,Calif.,after his head was split open by a brick.Police,called to the scene, were expecting to find foul play, but witnesses said the man was merely trying to see how high up he could throw a brick,and since it was dark (2:30 a.m.),the man lost track of the brick's flight and could not get out of the way when it came down on his head. Police said alcohol appeared to be involved. [Merced Sun-Star, 12-10-02]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2003 11:55 AM                        Rated G Kate During my husband's time as a mature student, we didn't have much money for our family of seven. At a friend's wedding, my four-year-old daughter was sitting next to me when the vicar asked, "Do you take this man for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health?" Our daughter turned to me and whispered loudly, "You chose poorer, didn't you Mummy?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2003 12:32 PM                        Rated G .............Texas Bob At a Drivers Safety Course, we were discussing what is commonly know as a rolling stop,and that what the police look for to complete the offense is whether or not the wheels of the vehicle are completely stopped. One attendee raised his hand and asked.... "All four of them?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2003 12:44 PM                        Rated G Matt Boswell of Dallas apparently became the latest victim of thieves who make bad guesses about the value of packages they believe are worth swiping. In December, Boswell reported spotting a man rummaging through his truck, and when Boswell yelled, the man grabbed two containers and fled. As Boswell later explained to a Dallas Morning News reporter, the containers held pickups from customers of Pet Butler, Boswell's pet waste-removal service (advertised by signs on both sides of his truck). [Dallas Morning News, 12-5-02)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-15-2003 10:11 AM                        Rated R My sister and her husband were in their daughters room just finishing up sex. When her husband rolled over and leaned on a toy cash register. Which said , "Thank you come again".  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-17-2003 11:36 AM                        Rated G After I recovered from heart surgery, my family insisted that I write thank-you notes to everyone who sent gifts and cards. I agreed that it was a nice idea, and I asked my daughter to buy books of "Love" stamps at the post office. Upon returning, my daughter said, "I asked for books of 'Love'stamps, but the clerk replied, "Sorry, but we're out of books of 'Love' stamps. All I can give you is 'Love' in the sheets."  |  IP: Logged

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