|
|
 
|
|
Author
|
Topic: True Stories
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 01-21-2003 08:23 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) ............Sally in Philadelphia
Dangerous Snake
One morning I awoke and stumbled out of my bedroom to find a snake behind the wall unit in my hallway. It had a black and yellow tail with it's head hidden behind the unit. After screaming blue murder and gathering my children on top of the kitchen table, I proceeded to ring every darn place in the phone book that I thought could help me get rid of it.
I rang everyone, from government departments to the police, even the RSPCA. No-one had anyone that could come and get the snake. After several hours on the kitchen table, the snake still had not moved. I figured he may have swallowed a mouse and was stuck.
Desperately in need of a bathroom break (we couldn't use ours as it would have meant walking past the snake) we bundled into the car and went down and used the one at KFC. We returned home to find that the rotten snake was still there.
One last desperate phone call (at around 5pm) was made to a pest control company. Yes... (thank goodness) they did have a man that could remove the snake, but he was off duty, and lived about 45 minutes out of town. A fair bit of begging later, we arranged for the man to come into town... and I was prepared to pay ANYTHING!
The nice man rocked up about an hour later and had a look. He went back out to his van and got a torch and came back in for another look. I was cringing in the kitchen so that I didn't have to view the vicious man-eating reptile with big gnashing teeth. After a few minutes I heard a burst of laughter come from the lounge room. I failed to see any humour in the situation, but called out to see if the man was ok. He sauntered into where I was cowering in the kitchen
... with a plastic snake! The rotten thing wasn't real! He was laughing so hard he had tears running down his face.
He wouldn't allow me to pay him as he felt I had been punished enough... although I did at least manage to get him to take $20 for petrol. I had spent the day on the kitchen table and making bathroom visits at the local KFC for nothing. I told the man he could keep the "snake" and to this day I have no idea how it got there.
Several years later, I had moved when I got a pest control mob in to do my place for rodents. Who should I get? The same man that had
"caught" my plastic snake... and no, he hadn't forgotten!
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 01-22-2003 07:27 AM
Rated G
True Story from Wisconsin(later gleefully told on national radio by Paul Harvey).
The local police raided a farmhouse to execute a search warrant and arrest warrant for controlled substances.As the owner's "other" vocation was breeding Malamutes (large, wolf type dogs), the police called the house from the end of the driveway to have the dogs secured for both the officers and suspects safety.All the dogs were chained up except one, a female who had recently had a litter, and was the most gentle dog on the farm.
After completing their search (unsuccessfully) and putting the suspect under arrest,the police gathered outside, preparing to leave. It was at that time the the loyal,gentle malamute bitch- the only unrestrained lifeform on the farm-trotted up to a police officer with a gift.The dog had crawled under an ancient,unused outhouse, then retrieved and presented the lawmen with her find: A large,tightly wrapped package containing a full pound of opium! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Good Dog!!
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 01-26-2003 07:13 AM
Rated G ...........Cassie
This past summer,I started a job at a well known superstore in my town.I was single,and when I was hired,they had told me that
if anyone was single,they would find a boy/girlfriend within the
first month I was there.I didn't believe it...that just couldn't
be possible.
About three weeks into it,I was going with a girl in my
department around the building, because I hadn't learned the whole store yet.Well,it so happened,we were going past what they call "The Hole In The Wall".(you'll learn what that means later).There was a security guy there, and his name was Greg.I
thought he was cute,and then remembered what the lady said,and
thought this couldn't be possible.
It turned out that Greg and I started talking,and he ended up
knowing my parents and step siblings.I told him that I'd see him
around, because I had to go back to work.Greg and I are now
together,and talking about marriage.You are probably wondering what "The Hole In The Wall" is...well,lets just say,Greg and My relationship started by me learning where the trash dumpster was.
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 02-06-2003 08:12 AM
Rated G Life's Embarrasing Moments
It was John's turn to drive carpool into town on a day when a new member was travelling along for the first time.As they rode
along he began to be suspicious of his new carpooling passenger.
John checked to see if his wallet was safe in the pocket of his
coat that was on the seat between them,but it wasn't there!
Next,he slammed on the brakes,ordered the fellow out,and
said,"Hand over the wallet immediately!"
The frightened carpooler handed over a billfold,and John drove
off,him alone at the side of the road.
When he arrived home,he started to tell his wife about the
experience,but she interrupted him,saying,"Before I forget,
John,do you know that you left your wallet at home this morning?"
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 02-28-2003 05:39 PM
Rated PG A www.film-tech.com Member
One day many,many years ago,when I was just a youngster,my mom
and dad use to shop at this corner grocery.They had shopped
there over several years,they knew the owners and most of the
employees by their first names and they knew my mom and dad.
Mom and dad had gone there to get the weeks supply of groceries and necessities.
The owners had knocked a wall out and had expanded the store.
So that meant they had moved everything around. Mom and dad was on one side of the store and the owner,Charlie,was on the other
side behind the meat counter.
Mom was in need of some personal items and since the store had been rearranged she couldn't find the sanitary napkins.
She called dad over and asked him to go ask Charlie where they were.
He turned around and at the top of his voice yelled, "Hey Charlie,where are the manhole covers?"
Needless to say,my mom never stepped foot back in the store to this day. ![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif) ![[thumbsup]](graemlins/thumbsup.gif)
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 03-11-2003 05:26 PM
Rated G ........ Texas Bob
The woman in a gingham dress and the man in a homespun suit got
off the train in Boston and made their way to the office of the
president of Harvard University. They did not have an
appointment. They entered the outer office where the secretary
looked at them with disdain, taking in the gingham dress and
homespun suit.
"What can I do for you?" she snapped.
"We wish to see the president" the man said quietly.
"He's busy all day" she snapped again.
"We'll wait" said the man.
Hours passed, and the secretary began to fidget. "These people
had no right to be here taking up valuable time."
Finally she could stand it no more and doing the chore she always regretted, she interrupted the president of Harvard University.
"Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave," she
said to him.
He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance
obviously didn't have time to spend with them, but he detested
gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer
office.
The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.
The lady told him, "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But, about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."
The president wasn't touched...He was shocked.
"Madam, he said gruffly, "we can't put up a statue to every
person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery."
"Oh no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a
statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard."
The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress
and homespun suit, then exclaimed,"A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard."
For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now. The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it costs to start a university? Why don't we just start our own.?
Her husband nodded.
The presidents face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo Alto , California where they established the university that bears their name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.
You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat
those who they think can do nothing.
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM
6.3.1.2
The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion
and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.
|
Home
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
......................Sue Bee ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic