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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2006 07:30 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Mother: Boys, stop fighting! Who started this anyway? Nick: Matt started it when he hit me back.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2006 03:11 PM                        Rated G :0 Danielle told her five-year-old son Mickey that his pregnant aunt was going to have an ultrasound so she would find out whether the baby was a boy or girl. After giving him a basic understaning of what an ultrasound picture looks like, Mickey replied, "If it's a girl, she'll have pigtails."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2006 11:47 AM                        Rated G You Know You're a Mom When.... * Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor..... and you don't care. * When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding. * You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket. * Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you. * Popsicle's become a food staple. * Your favorite television show is a cartoon. * You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on. * You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU! * Spit is your number one cleaning agent. * You buy cereal with marshmallows in it. * You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal. * You have time to shave only one leg at a time. * You hide in the bathroom to be alone. * Your kid throws up and you catch it. * You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; but your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun anyway. * You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes. * You're up each night until 11 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, NOT you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting,and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet ... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2006 08:28 AM                        Rated G My daughter, Taylor, was shopping with her grandmother at the grocery store. After getting what they needed, they proceeded to the checkout counter. Spotting a shorter line, Taylor piped up excitedly, "Grammie, let's go there," pointing to another lane. "Honey," her grandmother replied, "that one is for 10 or fewer." Taylor paused a moment and then replied sweetly, "But I'm only seven."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-19-2006 02:29 PM                        Rated G While visiting my sister's home recently, I walked past my young neice's room before bedtime and observed her kneeling beside her bed, with her head bowed and hands folded, repeating the alphabet. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I'm saying my prayers," she explained, a sweet smile across her face, "But I couldn't think of just what I wanted to say. So I'm just saying all the letters of the alphabet, and God can put them together however he thinks best."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2006 08:44 AM                        Rated G Although we had recently moved into a new neighborhood, our young son had already made many new friends, ten of whom were invited to his birthday party. When the happy day arrived and he opened his presents, I was amazed to see that eight guests had presented him with sweaters. Later I visited the mother of one of the boys to explain about the multiplicity of sweaters in the hope that an arrangement might be made. She said coolly, "Well, after all, you were the one who wrote on the invitation what you wanted me to buy." For a few minutes I was stunned into silence; then I realized what had happened. since the party was being held in our basement, which is always cool, I had written on each invitation: "Please have your child bring a sweater."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-13-2006 11:27 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti "Mom, guess what? I won the election for class president!" "Honestly?" "Did you have to bring that up?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-18-2006 09:44 AM                        Rated G B.B. Things That Become Evident When a Baby Arrives Finally, you have someone you can beat at "Got Your Nose," at least for a year or so. You develop a liking for mini vans, sensible shoes, and a deep- seated contempt for Michael Jackson. You're not so tolerant of strangers asking to touch your round little belly anymore now that you are just FAT. Goodbye, Happy Hour---Hello, Happy Meal!! Junior looks adorable in his little "sandbox," but the cat is seriouslytorqued about it. For efficiency, your paycheck is now direct-deposited to Disney. You come to the realization that caca comes in a rainbow of lovely colors.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-18-2006 03:33 PM                        Rated G The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found her- self responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time--we'll miss him." "Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes." Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him." But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage." With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-20-2006 01:30 PM                        Rated G A misguided father spoke with his teen offspring: "Son, the object of dating is to SCORE! And to do that, you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an exchange thing." So, the son showed up for his date with flowers. She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. "Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are tons more flowers down at the cemetery, just a block away!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2006 07:26 PM                        Rated G Lorraine "It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said: "Remember, my son, if you need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm." --Sam Levenson  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2006 08:11 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Each of my twin nine-year-old daughters received a pretty cotton top with matching knee-length shorts from my sister in California. They loved them so much they chose to wear the outfits for their poetry performance at our summer arts festival. They won first prize and had their photograph on the front page of our local newspaper. A short while later, my sister phoned to ask if the pyjamas she sent had fit the twins.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-02-2006 02:46 PM                        Rated G Betsy Parents are inconsistent: First they want their youngsters home early because they're children, and after some time has passed, because they're not children.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-03-2006 09:41 AM                        Rated G B.B. A grandmother had taken her two grandchildren out for lunch and boy did they misbehave! On the way home one of them, the 7 year old girl asked, "Grandmother, will you tell Mother how we acted?" The self-righteous grandmother answered, "No, but if she should ask, I can't lie." To which her little grandson said, "What do you mean you can't lie? I'm only 5 years old, and I can lie great.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-03-2006 10:11 AM                        Rated G B.B. Although I had never met my maternal grandfather, I knew that he had been five feet, six inches tall, while my stately grandmother stood five feet,eleven inches. As a teen-ager while leafing through an old photograph album with my Grandmother, I finally realized how unusual they must have looked together. "Grand," I asked, "how could you have dated and fallen in love a man almost half a foot shorter than you?" She turned to me, gave me a sensuous wink and said, "Honey, we fell in love sitting down, and by the time I stood up, it was way too late for him." Although I had never met my maternal grandfather, I knew that he had been five feet, six inches tall, while my stately grandmother stood five feet,eleven inches. As a teen-ager while leafing through an old photograph album with my Grandmother, I finally realized how unusual they must have looked together. "Grand," I asked, "how could you have dated and fallen in love a man almost half a foot shorter than you?" She turned to me, gave me a sensuous wink and said, "Honey, we fell in love sitting down, and by the time I stood up, it was way too late for him."  |  IP: Logged

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