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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-27-2005 08:07 AM                        Rated G A family was on its way to the hospital where the 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride, the teenager and her parents talked about how the procedure would be performed. "Dad," the teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?" Without hesitation, he said, "They're going to give you a cell phone."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-27-2005 03:34 PM                        Rated G "I have buck teeth," five-year-old Tyler told his mother Ellen one night as she was tucking him into bed. Ellen said, "No you don't, silly. You have nice teeth." Tyler shook his head and said, "No, I have buck teeth. Every time I lose a tooth, the Tooth Fairy gives me a buck."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-28-2005 01:05 PM                        Rated G One young mother, on receiving a nursery school report that described her daughter as "emotionally immature," asked with good sense, "If you can't be immature at three, when can you be?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-28-2005 01:09 PM                        Rated G According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there. "Please disrobe," he told her. "With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father. Turning to Dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-28-2005 01:09 PM                        Rated G When the father called home, the six-year-old son answered and said, "Don't talk too loud, Dad, the babysitter is asleep."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-02-2005 08:20 AM                        Rated G It was a warm, sunny day and my three-year-old daughter stood looking out the window. Outside, our dog was lying in the shadow of some brush looking at people passing by, breathing hard, his tongue lolling out of his mouth." Daddy," Dolores asked, "why does Max laugh at everybody all the time?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-06-2005 09:26 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A CHILD'S TEN COMMANDMENTS 1. My hands are small; please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can catch up with you. 2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely. Don't restrict me unnecessarily. 3. Housework will always be there. I'm little for only a short time -please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly. 4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs. Don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated. 5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner. 6. I need your encouragement to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me. 7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I'll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me. 8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me with my brothers and sisters. 9. Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special. 10. Please take me to Sunday School and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God. --Written by Dr. Kevin Lema  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-06-2005 09:28 AM                        Rated G The holiday bowl games were in full swing, and we had invited some other football fans over. One couple brought their active two-year- old son, who began playing with a dish that was filled with antique buttons. After a few near disasters, my husband quietly removed the temptation. The next morning I realized the bowl was gone and went upstairs. "Don, where is the button bowl?" I asked my just-awakening husband. "Gee, I don't know for sure," replied my spouse, who prides himself on knowing the answer to any sports-trivia question. "I think it's in Florida."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-06-2005 09:49 AM                        Rated G As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children talking about their siblings. "My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one. "My sister takes gymnastics," said another. Not to be outdone, the youngest piped up, "My sister takes antibiotics!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-06-2005 04:50 PM                        Rated G Julius was downtown with his wife and four little children when he decided to take a taxicab home. Approaching a cab driver, he demanded, "How much will you charge to drive us to the Bronx?" "I figure $2 apiece for you and your wife," said the driver. "I'll take the four kids along for nothing." Julius turned to his children and said, "Jump in kids, and have a nice ride home. Momma and I will take the subway."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-07-2005 11:50 AM                        Rated G "Mother," said a little boy after coming from a walk. "I've seen a man who makes horses." "Are you sure?" asked his mother. "Yes," he replied. "He had a horse nearly finished. When I saw him, he was just nailing on his feet."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2005 10:17 AM                        Rated G MOTHER: What a dirty face! Your Aunt Marcella won't kiss you like that. JORDAN: That's what I figured.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2005 10:20 AM                        Rated G A young boy, taking a vacation cruise with his parents, turned green with seasickness. "Are you sure you don't want dinner, Honey?" asked his mother. The boy shook his head and replied, "Just throw it overboard, Mom, and save me the trip to the railing."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2005 10:25 AM                        Rated G At my grandson's school, the lunch-hour rule is that the children must eat their main course first, before dessert. One morning my daughter had to make Jake's lunch in a hurry: granola bar, cheese, raisins, cantaloupe, orange, snack cake and a juice. Jake looked distressed, so his mother explained that his lunch was nutritious, and she just didn't have time to make a sandwich. "But Mom," Jake cried, "what do I eat first?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2005 10:36 AM                        Rated G Baby Bruno was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal. "What are you doing?" Bruno asked. "Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his grandmother replied. "That's cool!" Bruno said. "Are you going to hang it next to the deer?"  |  IP: Logged

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