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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-13-2005 07:17 PM                        Rated PG SMOKE RINGS Three little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, "My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings." The second little boy pipes up, "Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his eyes." The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, "My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt." "Really, have you seen it?" reply the boys. The third boy responds, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear....."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-13-2005 07:19 PM                        Rated G Anon. A POEM FOR MOMS AND DADS Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my sanity to keep. For if some peace I do not find, I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind. I pray I find a little quiet Far from the daily family riot May I lie back--not have to think about what they're stuffing down the sink, or who they're with, or where they're at and what they're doing to the cat. I pray for time all to myself (did something just fall off a shelf?) To cuddle in my nice, soft bed (Oh no, another goldfish--dead!) Some silent moments for goodness sake (Did I just hear a window break?) And that I need not cook or clean-- (well heck, I've got the right to dream) Yes now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my wits about me keep, But as I look around I know-- I must have lost them long ago!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-20-2005 08:13 AM                        Rated G I was driving my four year old son home from day care when seemingly out of the blue, he asked "Daddy, is my voice going to change one day? "Yes, it is" I replied. "Why?" he immediately wanted to know. As I was pondering exactly how much of the tale I needed to tell him at his tender age, he very excitedly popped out: "Well, when my voice changes, I'm going to speak Spanish!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-21-2005 08:35 AM                        Rated XXX A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-26-2005 09:15 AM                        Rated R A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-28-2005 08:14 PM                        Rated G “Charlotte, you’ve had two pieces of pie and I think that’s enough sugar for one day,” said the father to his daughter. “That’s funny,” she huffed. “You want me to eat properly and yet you won’t let me practice.”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-15-2005 03:49 PM                        Rated G LuLu Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grandfather about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Grampa, it was the 20,000 leaks!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-15-2005 03:55 PM                        Rated G When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-17-2005 06:48 AM                        Rated G As the father of five young children, I commented at the dinner table one evening that they hadn't missed me while I was away on a two-week business trip. But my five-year-old son explained, "That's because Mommy never told us you were gone."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-17-2005 12:45 PM                        Rated G Betsy You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around, and why his parents will always wave back.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-18-2005 02:59 PM                        Rated G Mary was four and was just beginning to peel from her very first sunburn. As she looked in the mirror, tears filled her eyes, and she said, "Look at me. I'm only four and I'm already starting to wear out!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-19-2005 09:01 AM                        Rated G Nancy, my eight-year-old daughter, came home from skating at the rink sporting a huge bruise on her buttocks. She went into the bathroom and studied her bruise in the mirror. I suggested she put some ice on it. She leaned out the door and said, "Mom, I think it's had enough ice on it today."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-19-2005 09:32 PM                        Rated G After house hunting for many months, my husband and I finally found the home we wanted to buy. Our young sons voiced their approval. When I asked what they liked best about it, my five-year- old answered, "The goldfish and the cat!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-26-2005 07:22 AM                        Rated G Lorraine On a two-hour car trip, our five-year-old daughter, Denise, impatient to arrive at our campsite destination, kept asking us: "When are we going to get there? When are we going to get there?" In an attempt to distract her, my husband drew Denise's attention to a huge, squawking flock of gulls overhead. "Aren't they noisy?" he asked my squirming daughter. "What do you think they're saying to one another?" Without a pause, Denise snapped: "They're probably saying 'When are we going to get there? When are we going to get there!?!?'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-26-2005 07:28 AM                        Rated G Betsy As twelve-year-old Jordan lay sound asleep on the couch, his dad Scott tried to wake him. "The cleaning lady is going to be here, so get up and move to your bedroom," Scott told his son. Jordan looked at him with one eye open and asked, "Can't she just clean around me like Mom does when you're asleep on the couch?"  |  IP: Logged

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