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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2005 10:23 AM                        Rated G I was cutting my husband's thinning hair one evening when our teenage son and daughter arrived home looking for a snack. I offered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt them with its nutritious qualities. "It has more vitamin C than an orange," I remarked. "And more hair than Dad," added our daughter.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2005 10:26 AM                        Rated G Tax Day, April 15, was looming when an elderly lady appeared at my desk at the IRS. She said she required a thick stack of tax forms. "Why so many?" I asked. "My son is stationed overseas," she said. "He asked me to pick them up." "You shouldn't have to do this," I told her. "It's the base commander's job to make sure the troops have the forms they need." "I know," she replied. "I'm the base commander's mother."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2005 10:38 AM                        Rated G Lorraine With his neatly packed clothes in a small suitcase, my nine-year-old son went off to camp. Two weeks later I picked him up.When I unpacked his things,I was impressed at how clean and well folded everything was, considering he is normally rather untidy with his possessions. "Camp sure has changed you," I said. "Look how well you packed." "It was simple, Mom," he answered. "I didn't unpack."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2005 09:28 PM                        Rated G My friend's daughter, Nancy, found a baby tooth that her kitten had lost. She and her sister decided that they could put one over on the tooth fairy. That night they placed the tooth under Nancy's pillow. And it worked. But the tooth fairy left a can of sardines.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2005 09:37 PM                        Rated G Lorraine My 16-year-old son had just received his learner's permit, and I was going with him for a drive. Before he started the car, I asked him to check the oil. He lifted the hood and pulled the dipstick out. "Adequate," he said. I thought that was an unusual way of expressing it, but said, "Okay, let's go." The next time I checked the oil, I cleaned the dipstick and read: "Add 1 qt."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2005 06:05 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture no small feat for a non-plumber. Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur which belonged to my five-year-old son. I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work much better than before. As I pondered what to do next, David walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get the green one?" he asked.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-26-2005 03:57 PM                        Rated G A father was shopping in a department store with his small daughter, when the little girl pulls on his coat sleeve and announces, "Daddy, I have to go!" "In a few minutes, sweetie." says the dad. "But, I've got to go NOW," the little girl insists in a loud voice. A saleslady standing nearby can't help but hear the conversation and says, "I'll take her, sir. It's no problem." So, as the father watches, the two hurry off hand in hand. When they return the father asks his daughter, "Did you thank the nice lady for being so kind?" "Why should I thank her?" asks the little girl in a loud voice... "She had to go, too!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-27-2005 06:39 AM                        Rated G My five children and I were visiting Jessica and her husband, Louis. I had been Jessica's baby-sitter years earlier. From the moment we arrived, the day was packed with exciting attractions for the kids: a pond for swimming and boating; a dock for diving; rides on a power mower; swings; a barn with bunnies; basketball; a beach bicycle. When we sat down at the end of a fun-filled afternoon for a tasty barbecue, my eight-year-old son beamed at our gracious, entertaining and as-yet-childless hosts: "I bet your children can hardly wait to be born!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2005 01:00 PM                        Rated G Most of the cooking in our house is done by my husband, but occasionally I get to make dinner. One day it dawned on me that our ten-year-old daughter was willing to help me, but not her father, in the kitchen. I asked her why. "Well, Mom," she replied, "Dad seems to know what he's doing."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-31-2005 01:42 PM                        Rated G After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-02-2005 09:39 AM                        Rated G There is a story about a father who became disturbed about the length of time his six year old son was taking to get home from school. The father decided he would make the trip to discover for himself how long it should take a small boy to cover the distance. The father settled on 20 minutes but his son was still taking an hour. Finally the father decided to make the trip with his son. After the trip, the father said, "The 20 minutes I thought reasonable was right, but I failed to consider such important things as a side trip to track down a trail of ants...or an educational stop to watch a man fix a flat...or the time it took to swing around a half dozen telephone poles...or how much time it took for a boy just to get acquainted with two stray dogs and brown cat. "In short," said the father, "I had forgotten what it is really like to be six years old."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-09-2005 12:22 PM                        Rated G I was playing trivial pursuit one day with two of my daughters, Alicia and Jackie. Alicia's question was: how many inches are there in a yard? She correctly answered, "Thirty six." Jackie, a member of the metric generation, asked: "How can that be possible? Everyone's yard is a different size!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-11-2005 01:35 PM                        Rated G My daughter's eighth-grade history class planned a visit to our nation's capital. Unfortunately, she was not greatly enthusiastic about a trip that she considered too "educational" to be fun. However, on their return, I was pleased to hear how she and her classmates had been filled with awe and emotion as they gazed at the Washington Monument. "Just think, Mom," she marveled. "We were standing right where Forest Gump stood."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-14-2005 04:54 PM                        Rated G Even though he could not tell time, my three-year-old grandson was wearing a watch when I visited. Later, when I was putting on my coat to leave,I asked him what time it was. He looked at his watch blankly, then brightened. "It's time for you to go," he answered triumphantly.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-14-2005 04:56 PM                        Rated G I went out to tag a newborn calf on our ranch, and my five-year- old daughter, Stephanie, accompanied me. As I pierced the calf's ear tissue, it jerked its head and I punctured my knee. I painfully stood up and started limping towards the house. "What's wrong with your leg, Mom?" asked Stephanie. "I stabbed my knee with the tagger." "Wow!" she exclaimed. "What number did you get?"  |  IP: Logged

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