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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-17-2004 09:42 AM                        Rated G "My grandpa told me to remember two things in life. Look out for Number One, and remember your number." Orville Cogswill  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-31-2004 05:33 PM                        Rated G Michele "Nice dog. What's its name?" I asked my friend's 10-year old son. "Bob," he said. "And what's your cat's name?" "Bob." "Well, how do you keep them straight?" I asked. "Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker," the boy answered. "Go ahead and tell him your rabbit's name," his father suggested. The kid smiled and said .... "Dennis Hopper."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2005 11:24 AM                        Rated G Michele My mom got mad at my dad the other day so she went shopping to relieve her irritation. When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses. "Ten!" he hollered, "What could any woman want with ten new dresses???" My mom calmly replied, "Ten new pairs of shoes."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2005 10:41 AM                        Rated G Betsy SELF-ESTEEM AT FIVE I was blessed with three beautiful, intelligent and terrific children, who are now thirty, twenty-nine and twenty-eight. But at one point in their lives, they were seven, six and five. My youngest daughter, the five-year-old who was always asking questions, came home from kindergarten one day and asked, "Mommy, how many children did you want?" Thinking for a minute, I looked at her and said, "Two." She thought about it for a moment and then asked, "Me, and who else?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2005 11:04 AM                        Rated G As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would behave. she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good, why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2005 01:34 PM                        Rated G Uncle Bubba On my four-year-old daughter's first trip to Disneyland, she couldn't wait to get on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. As the car zoomed through the crazy rooms, into the path of a speeding train, and through walls that fell away at the last second, she clutched the little steering wheel in front of her. When the ride was over, she said to me a little shakily, "Next time, you drive. I didn't know where I was going."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2005 01:43 PM                        Rated G Betsy After three days of labor, my daughter Diana had her first child, a beautiful seven-pound four-ounce girl. I was amazed to observe that the instant she saw her new baby, the pain of childbirth was immediately replaced by the bliss of motherhood. In those first few heart-stopping minutes of becoming a grandmother, one particular moment stands out for me. A moment set apart from everything else that was happening by the sudden depth of our connection, daughter, mother and grandmother. My beautiful daughter turned to me, her eyes shining with a light I had never seen there before. "Mom," she said, "now I know how much you love me."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2005 10:45 AM                        Rated G Michele As a child my mother would always tell me not to sit so close to the TV, that it was bad for my eyes. Now, as an adult I spend 8+ hours a day within 2 feet of a computer screen.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-24-2005 10:43 AM                        Rated G A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the boy's father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a rather strange ambition to have for a career." "Well," said the boy's father, "he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-26-2005 09:58 AM                        Rated G Michele The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time--we'll miss him." "Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes." Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him." But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage." With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-26-2005 10:17 AM                        Rated G Betsy Seeing her mother in front of the mirror grimacing,the teenage girl asked,"What's wrong, Mom?" Her mother sighed and said, "My breasts are like my marriage. They both used to be a cute couple until you kids came along."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2005 03:37 PM                        Rated PG The Birth Order of Children Your Clothes: 1st baby:You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby:You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby:Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. Preparing for the Birth: 1st baby:You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby:You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby:You ask for an epidural in your eighth month. The Layette: 1st baby:You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 2nd baby:You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby:Boys can wear pink, can't they? Worries: 1st baby:At the first sign of distress--a whimper,a frown--you pick up the Baby. 2nd baby:You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your Firstborn. 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. Pacifier: 1st baby:If the pacifier falls on the floor,you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. 2nd baby:When the pacifier falls on the floor,you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. Diapering: 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour,whether they need it or not. 2nd baby:You change his diaper every two to three hours,if needed. 3rd baby:You try to change his diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to his knees. Activities: 1st baby:You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics,Baby Swing,and Baby Story Hour. 2nd baby:You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 3rd baby:You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner. Going Out: 1st baby:The first time you leave your baby with a sitter,you call home five times. 2nd baby:Just before you walk out the door,you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 3rd baby:You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees Blood. At Home: 1st baby:You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 2nd baby:You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing,poking, or hitting the baby. 3rd baby:You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. Swallowing Coins (a favorite): 1st child:When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays. 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin,you carefully watch for the coin to pass. 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2005 09:46 AM                        Rated G Michele Rummaging through her attic, Jill found an old shotgun. Unsure about how to dispose of it, she called her parents. "Take it to the police station," her mother suggested. Jill was about to hang up when her mom added, "And Jill?" "Yes, Mom?" "Call first."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-01-2005 07:22 AM                        Rated G Michele A little boy sent a "get well quick" card to his grandfather in the hospital. Inside the card he wrote, "Dear Grandpa, Mama tells me that you went to the hospital for some tests. I hope you get an 'A'." Love, Billy  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-01-2005 07:23 AM                        Rated G Michele Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4 year old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself. We would spar around for a few minutes before supper. One day, my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was fiendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "Yes." The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "Do you want a box?" Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose. After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckilly, our salesman was the father of a 4 year old.  |  IP: Logged

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