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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2004 03:00 AM                        Rated G My brother was "going steady" for the first time and was anxious about meeting his girlfriend's parents. "Well," my mother asked on his return home, "how did it go?" "Oh, Mom," he said, "I think her parents really like me. Her father offered three times to drive me home."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2004 03:54 AM                        Rated G Michele My mother is always trying to understand what motivates people, especially those in her family. One day she and my sister were talking about one relative's bad luck. "Why do you suppose she changed jobs?" she asked my sister. "Maybe she has a subconscious desire not to succeed." "Or maybe it just happened," said my sister, exasperated. "Do you know you analyze everything to death?" Mother was silent for a moment. "That's true," she said. "Why do you think I do that?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2004 02:21 PM                        Rated G When I discovered my first grey hair, I immediately wrote to my parents: "Dear Dad and Mom, You saw my first steps. You might want to experience this with me too." I taped the offending hair to the paper and mailed it. My father's response, titled "Sonnet to a Hair," began: It 's a trustworthy observation That nothing can compare In the process of aging With finding the first grey hair. . . He signed off with this observation: "That grey hair you sent us is not the first one you gave us!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-21-2004 01:44 PM                        Rated G Michele Connie told her 3-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly. Several minutes passed... and he was found jumping from one bed to the other. Connie's friend said, "Dean, you weren't jumping on the beds again, were you?" He stood before her with his little head dropped low and said, "I'm trying so hard to quit."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-09-2004 05:08 AM                        Rated G Carol in New Jersey My son arrived back in the States after fighting with the First Marine Division in Iraq,but I still couldn't help reacting like a mom when I saw him running over to some buddies to return a bayonet. "Kevin," I shouted across the base before could stop myself, "don't run with that knife in your hands!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-15-2004 01:09 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Our constant struggle with our teenage son to clean his room was resolved by our dog, an English setter, who had received a large rawhide bone in her Christmas stocking. With obvious enthusiasm she chewed, paced, gnawed and paced some more. Since the weather prevented us from letting her outside, she appeared frustrated when it came time to bury it. Pacing the living room, she stopped suddenly, cocked her head at an angle and raced upstairs. Curious, we followed. We found her in our son's messy room with a contented look and no bone.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-15-2004 01:17 PM                        Rated G Michele Realizing at the last minute that it was his father's birthday, a teenage boy rushed to the corner store to grab a card. He quickly found a son-to-father card, but neglected to read it carefully. Later when his father opened his gifts,he was surprised to read aloud,"Happy birthday to a wonderful Dad.Now that I'm a father too..."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-20-2004 10:31 AM                        Rated G Sally in Poughkeepsie His beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape, but my stepfather refused to get rid of it. When the junker was stolen from his office parking lot, the family was delighted. Nonetheless, we called the police. Our relief was short-lived. Within an hour an officer was back on the phone. "We found the car less than a mile away," he said, trying to restrain his mirth. "It had a note on it: 'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-20-2004 10:39 AM                        Rated G B.B. A young lad and his mother were walking down the street one day when suddenly the boy yelled out excitedly, "Mother, Mother, Look at that bowlegged man!" His mother immediately hushed him explaining it was not polite to make fun of bowlegged people. The next day the same thing happened, "Look mother, there's that bowlegged man!" The mother grabbed the lad by the arm saying, "When we get home you'll be punished for this outburst." When they got home, she gave her son a work by Shakespeare, "Go to you room and read this book. You can't come out until you have finished it. Maybe you will learn something from this punishment." Two days later they are walking down the same street when the boy again spots the person he had been making fun of: "Hark! What manner of men are these, Who weareth their legs in parentheses?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-21-2004 10:52 AM                        Rated G Lorraine It was my parents' first vacation without us, and my brother and I, both teenagers, looked forward eagerly to a few days on our own. After the usual lecture about responsibility, our parents departed. Next evening we were enjoying some rock music with friends when Western Union called with a telegram from Dad. "For heaven's sake," the message ran, "turn that stereo down!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-21-2004 10:54 AM                        Rated G My wife and I each made a list of the things about ourselves that we could change to improve our marriage. One of the items on my wife's list stated her intent to "stop being so nit-picky." Later, as she was fussing over the table settings, I teased her: "Remember, you were going to stop being so picky." It was out of her mouth before she could stop herself: "Nit-picky," she corrected.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-21-2004 10:56 AM                        Rated G One Saturday my wife came back from yet another garage sale with an armful of packages and a big smile, and began explaining each bargain to me. Finally she held up a pair of olive-drab slacks, declaring proudly, "I paid only fifty cents for these." I did a double take. "But aren't those the same pants you sold for one dollar at our garage sale last year?" "Yes," she admitted with a giggle. "But this year they fit me. And I'm fifty cents ahead!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-21-2004 10:58 AM                        Rated G Sometimes there are just the two of us for a meal and my husband and I usually wash dishes by hand rather than use the dishwasher. One evening after supper, I became interested in a TV program and heard him at the sink. I called out that I would do the dishes later. He continued to work until the TV commercial started. Then he came in, sat down and gave me a passionate kiss. "What's going on?" I asked. "Just trying to turn on the dish washer," he replied.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-23-2004 01:46 PM                        Rated G Mothers don't differ from any other in the world when it comes to bragging about their sons. One Mother, trying to out-do another when it came to opportunities available to their just graduated-from-college sons said, "My Morris has had so many potential interviews, his resume is now in its fifth printing."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-28-2004 10:08 AM                        Rated R BJ My uncle Dick had to have half his nose removed because of cancer. When asked by a grandchild, "Why does Uncle Dick have a hole in his nose?" My mother (who was easily flustered) replied, "You Uncle Nose has a hole in his dick because...."  |  IP: Logged

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