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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-01-2005 04:03 PM                        Rated G Brittany (4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-05-2005 11:41 AM                        Rated G Quite a bit of time had passed since I bought the tracks and clips when my husband, somewhat of a procrastinator, finally installed closet shelves for me. One day shortly after, my daughter was visiting and happened to open the closet door. She commented on how nice and handy it was now. "Isn't it, though," my husband acknowledged, "and it didn't take long to assemble." "No," I observed dryly. "Only five years."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-07-2005 10:57 AM                        Rated G Thinking his son would enjoy seeing the re-enactment of a Civil War battle, my niece's husband took the boy, Will, to the event but the poor child was terrified by the booming cannons. During a lull, Will's dad finally got him calmed down. That's when the Confederate general hollered, "Fire at will!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 02:29 PM                        Rated G My 100-year-old great-grandmother loves to tell stories. One day when my sister and I were visiting, Granny got confused with some of the details in a story she was telling us. Finally she said, "I guess you're allowed to get a little confused when you're 101." "But, Granny," I protested, "you're only 100." "Are you sure?" she asked. Laughing, we reminded her of the big birthday celebration we'd had the month before. Dismayed, Granny shook her head. "That's funny," she said, "I'm feeling very 101 today."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 02:35 PM                        Rated G Father grumbling to his two boys as he reluctantly gets ready for an evening out: "Other kids make their mothers too tired to want to go out -- why can't you two?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 08:24 PM                        Rated G Dispatching her ten-year-old son to pick up a pizza, my sister handed him money and a two-dollar coupon. Later he came home with the pizza and still had the coupon. When asked to explain, he replied, "Mom, I had enough money. I didn't need the coupon."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2005 08:30 PM                        Rated G "Mom," said the little girl, "Is it alright to say you are going to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of water?" "Yes," said her mother, "that is the correct thing to say." "Well then, I'm going to milk the cat."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-08-2005 08:37 AM                        Rated G JerseyT While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house. Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "How big was the mouse?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 10:27 AM                        Rated G My Grandfather told me to remember the two things in life. Look out for number one and remember your number.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 12:08 PM                        Rated G WEDDING COLORS Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother explained, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 03:05 PM                        Rated G Michele My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control on our cars. We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max," as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wagon. Recently, I was traveling with my parents in their new car when we hit a wide-open expanse of highway. My dad leaned back and said, "I think I'll let Tom drive for a while." "Tom who?" I asked. My mother translated for me: "Tom Cruise, of course."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-17-2005 03:42 PM                        Rated G My daughter-in-law Alma and grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother. "No, honey, he won't do for bait," his mother said. "He's not an earthworm." ..... "He's not?" Eddy asked, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-28-2005 05:03 AM                        Rated G Charlie My daughter-in-law Alma and grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother. "No, honey, he won't do for bait," his mother said. "He's not an earthworm." "He's not?" Eddy asked, his eyes wide open. "What planet is he from?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-28-2005 05:09 AM                        Rated G The Mother was concerned that perhaps her daughter was not only not quite as chaste as she should be, but lately, didn't even seem to be selective. Trying to open a conversation on the subject of morals she asked, "Susan, do you know where bad girls go?" "Sure Mom." the daughter replied. "Anywhere they want...!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-13-2005 07:16 PM                        Rated G MURPHY'S LAWS FOR PARENTS 1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week. 2. Leakproof thermoses will. 3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. 4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends. 5. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended. 6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing. 7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look. 8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room. 9. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator. 10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.  |  IP: Logged

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