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Author
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Topic: Kids and Grand Children
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-02-2003 08:23 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really $well. I am making lot$ of friend$ and Studing real hard. I have $o much $tuff, I can't think of anything I need. $o if you like, $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw, astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep an hoNOrs student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge,is a NOble task, and you can't study eNOugh.
Love, Dad ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-06-2003 08:27 AM
Rated G George in Reno
Timmy was a little five year old boy whose Mom loved him very much. Being a worrier, she was concerned about his walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked with him the first few days, but he came home one day telling her he did not want her walking him to school every day. He wanted to be like "big boys." He protested so loudly that she had to find another way to handle it.
She asked her neighbor Shirley if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school at a distance, but close enough to keep a watch on him. Nancy said that, since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise so she agreed.
The next school day, Shirley and her little girl set out behind Timmy as he walked to school with his friend Ronnie. This went on for a whole week. Timmy's friend noticed that this same lady was following them every day. Finally Ronnie asked Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?"
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yea, I know who she is."
Ronnie asked, "Well, who is she?"
"That's just Shirley Goodnest an' her little girl Marcy," Timmy said.
Ronnie inquired further, "Well, why does she follow us every day like that?"
"Well," Timmy explained, "every night Momma makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life.' So, I guess I'll just have to get used to it."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-08-2003 05:42 AM
Rated G Michele
I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I
asked her not to do that.
"Why?"
"Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has
germs."
At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and
asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff,"Um, it's on the mommy test.You have to know it,or they don't let you be a mommy."
"Oh."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes,but she was
evidently pondering this new information.
I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the
daddy."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-09-2003 07:09 AM
Rated G
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...(HONEST AND NO KIDDING):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3 year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
22. It will however make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-15-2003 08:10 AM
Rated G
My wife and I took our three sons to the beach this year.
I took my middle son out in the water with me as my wife played in the sand with the other two.
I picked him up as we entered waters that approached my kneecaps. I held him close to my chest because the water chilled our bones too much for either of us to hold our own body heat.
As I held him, my eyes gently rested on the endless expanse of
waves that rolled along the surface ever so rhythmically.
My eyes then drifted higher to the invisible line that separates
the ocean from the sky with exactness.I then beheld the beauty
of the sky and everything that it contained.It seemed like time
had stopped and the only two people on earth were my son John and I. At that moment,I had the realization that this would be a
great time for a lesson in life.
This was John's first time in the ocean and I knew that there were certain things that even school couldn't teach him. John was only two years old, I knew his mind would be highly impressionable at this age considering his logic faculties had not been fully developed yet.
Father started with the first lesson on the beach of life.
I said John, "Do you see all of this water, who do you think
created the ocean?"
Before I taught him I just wanted to see what kind of childish,
cartoon minded answer he would give me. He looked out over all of the countless waves (even though countless in his little mind was anything over ten) and surveyed the landscape.
Little did I know that my two year old was about to give me an
untaught answer, that half of the professors at Harvard would have disagreed with. He answered not even in his normal answering tone, where the answer comes out with such a degree of doubt that it sounds like a question. With all the force of his little lungs he shouted out three little but powerful words with such confidence that it reverberated down the beach.
"God did it."
Even though I was the teacher and had years of training through an engineering degree at one of the nation's top schools, there was no more that I could add to this preschooler's answer.
So I went on to the next question.
"John do you see that blue space above the water that we called
the sky, who do you think created that."
As he looked up and again considered the vastness of the space, he again shouted out:
"God did it."
Again, there was nothing I could add to his answer. I brought my son out here and was experiencing a moment of inspiration. I was the daddy and he was the son; I was determined to teach him
something. So I went on to my third question.
"Okay John, those are very big things and yes God did create them, but do you see that small little bird flying right above our heads, who do you think created it."
Almost before I could muster a smile from the satisfaction of
finally being able to teach my son something, out shot the answer:
"God did it."
I figured for my last question I'd better get a little tricky with him.I guessed that since he knew I was his father and he knew that I had something to do with him getting in this world, not to mention I was holding him up from the angerous water since he couldn't swim. With a scholar's pride, I asked my final question.
"John who created you?"
"God did it."
I asked no more questions that day. That day I was the student,
the learner. I learned that some answers are already within us.
~James Bronner~
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