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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-15-2003 03:33 PM                        Rated G Becky My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and what marriage to my Mom would be like. The minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-17-2003 08:03 PM                        Rated G One evening I had to attend a business meeting,and so I left my two sons with John.He cooked dinner and later, while cleaning up,called out, "Does your mom have any SOS?" Apparently not hearing him clearly, my 14-year-old in the other room said, "Yeah, once a month."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-18-2003 07:26 PM                        Rated G As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children talking about their siblings. "My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one. "My sister takes gymnastics," said another. Not to be outdone, the youngest piped up, "My sister takes antibiotics!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-21-2003 01:44 PM                        Rated G Father: "Daughter today you are 18 years old. Take this check to your mother, tell her it is her last child support check, and watch the expression on her face". Daughter: "Okay Dad." Daughter: "Mom , Dad said to tell you that this is the last child support check you will get and to watch the expression on your face." Mother: "Thanks sweetie, now go tell him he is not your real father and watch the expression on his face."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 10:12 AM                        Rated G While in our local supermarket,I noticed a man who was shopping with his young son. The man checkedan item off his list,then turned to the boy and whispered conspiratorially, "Remember son, if we really mess this up,your mother won't ever ask us to do it again."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-31-2003 07:54 AM                        Rated PG sonata There was this little girl staring out her bedroom window, watchingtwo dogs screw in the street. In curiosity she called for her father to explain what they were doing. Her father entered the room and asked what was wrong. The girl then said,"Father what are those two dogs doing ?" The father hesitantly replied, "Why, one of the dogs got hurt, andthe other is helping it to an animal hospital." The girl jumped to her feet and said,"It's just like with humans,Daddy, you try to help someone and you get screwed."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-31-2003 10:15 AM                        Rated G When the Brooks family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked five-year-old Alex how he liked the new place. "It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Susie has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-04-2003 07:01 AM                        Rated G At the company water cooler,I bragged about my children's world travels:one son was teaching in Bolivia,another was working in southern Italy,and my daughter was completing a yearlong research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-04-2003 12:57 PM                        Rated G Hank in Simi Valley One day a sweet little girl became puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asked. Her mommy replied, using a well-worn phrase, "Why, God sent you Honey." "And did God send you too Mommy?" she continued. 'Yes Sweetheart, He did." "And Daddy, Grandma & Grandpa, & their moms and dads too?" " Yes Honey, all of them too." The child shook her head in disbelief. "So you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so damn grouchy!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-04-2003 04:05 PM                        Rated G NANCY IN WESTCHESTER Tommy had reached school age. Mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea.She bought him lots of new clothes,told him of the new friends he'd meet and so on. Came the first day,he eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school. Next morning when she woke him up,he asked "What for?" She told him it was time to get ready for school. "What,again?" he asked.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-14-2003 09:10 PM                        Rated G 'Have a Safe Trip' A TEENAGER who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a wild ride, they finally reached their destination. The driver's mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you." "Anytime," her daughter replied. As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-19-2003 12:09 PM                        Rated G Diane in Las Vegas                   THINGS TO THINK ABOUT! 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 4. Children seldom misquote you.In fact,they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. 6. We child proofed our homes,but they are still getting in.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-22-2003 06:35 AM                        Rated G Michele "Papa," said the farmers son, "you were a sheepherder in your younger days, perhaps you can tell me where virgin wool comes from." "Virgin wool, my son, comes from the sheep the herders couldn't catch."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-22-2003 03:14 PM                        Rated G Father to son. "Well, son now that you've found yourself, who are you?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-23-2003 06:06 AM                        Rated G Having lost weight over the past few years,a woman was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old daughter was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the woman said, "I must have worn these when I was a hundred and eighty." Her daughter looked puzzled and asked, "How old are you now?"  |  IP: Logged

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