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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-12-2003 01:57 PM                        Rated G "A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His mother,sitting in the front row to prompt him,gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn't help.Her son's memory was blank.Finally, she leaned forward and whispered the cue,"I am the light of the world." The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud,clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-14-2003 07:21 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Henry's son,David,burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. "Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big.Then,while he was reeling it in,the line busted and the fish got away." "Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off." "But that's just what I did, Mommy."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 05:58 AM                        Rated G Michele A two and a half year old walked into the bathroom while her mother was putting on make-up."I'm going to look just like you mommy!"she announced. "Maybe,when you grow up," her mother told her. "No Mommy,tomorrow.I just put on that 'Oil of Old Lady' you always use."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-17-2003 02:10 PM                        Rated G Charlie in Topeka "Have you been a good girl?" the mother asked when she "Yes, Ma'am!" the daughter said. All those men told me I was VERY good!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-20-2003 07:42 AM                        Rated G A grandmother and her cute little granddaughter went to the mall. While shopping, they became separated. Security saw the sobbing little girl and asked her name. She responded, "Shana-Punam-Kenahorah-Poo- Poo-Poo." The security person asked the child again for her name. She said, again, "My name is Shana-Punam-Kenahorah-Poo-Poo-Poo." So he announced over the PA that he has a cute brown eyed, brown haired little girl who has lost her grandma - please come to the Information Center to claim "Shana-Punam-Kenahorah-Poo-Poo-Poo." Five grandmas came running to claim her!!!!!  |  IP: Logged Bill Gabel Film God Posts: 3873 From: Technicolor / Postworks NY, USA Registered: Jan 2002 posted 05-21-2003 10:51 AM                     Rated G The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes", whispered Little Johnny. May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, Little Johnny whispered, "No". Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again Little Johnny whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besdies you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes", whispered Little Johnny, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered Little Johnny. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicotor through the ear piece on the phone theboss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper", answered the whispering Little Johnny. "What is going on there?" asked the boss. now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice Little Johnny annswered, The search team just landed the hello-copper!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, Why are they there?" Still whispering, Little Johnny replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for Me!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-21-2003 11:40 AM                        Rated G Baby Blues From a Frustrated Father: When I was a youngster,I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper.But my son has in his room a color television, a computer,a CD player and a radio.So where should I send him? I decided to send him to my room.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-23-2003 07:11 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A little boy went up to his Mother and asked:"Mom,where did all of my intelligence come from?" The Mother replied:"Well,son,you must have gotten it from your father,because I still have mine."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-25-2003 04:37 PM                        Rated G Lorraine I was driving my four year old son to the store with me when I took a drink of water. Being the law-abiding son he is he gasps and screams"Mommy you can't drink and drive!!!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-26-2003 03:44 PM                        Rated G Lorraine A boy,frustrated with all the rules he had to follow,asked his father,"Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?" The father answered immediately, "I don't know. Nobody has lived that long yet."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-30-2003 12:48 PM                        Rated G : Michele My three-year old daughter was talking to me while I shaved.The topic was cartoons,television and reality.She was going into great detail about the characters in the Dragon Tales cartoon. When she finished I said, "Honey, are cartoons real?" "No." was her brief reply. "Is TV real?" I said looking at her. "No." "I'm glad you know those things aren't real," I said patting her head. "You know what's real?" she asked wide-eyed. "You tell me." "Monsters are real!" she said walking out. "No they're not!" I called after her. "Yes they are!" "No they're not!" "Yes they are!" "No, honey," I said. "Those scary things that occasionally come into our house are only Mommy's family..."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-30-2003 01:06 PM                        Rated G Lorraine A little boy asked his mother why the minister got a month's vacation while his Dad only got two weeks. The Mother answered,"Well, son, if he's a good minister, he needs it.If he isn't, the congregation needs it."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-31-2003 11:46 PM                        Rated G Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech. "Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?" Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had misdialed. "I'm sorry dear, "I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan." "Gosh, Mom, "came the young woman's voice, "I didn't think you'd be this mad."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-31-2003 11:58 PM                        Rated G A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. "Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?" "Wrong number," replied the girl  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-01-2003 06:40 AM                        Rated G A little boy was looking out the bay window early one morning and asked his mother, "Mommy, why does the grass look wet?" She replied, "It's dew." With an exasperated tone the little boy replied, "O.K., Why DO the grass look wet?"  |  IP: Logged

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