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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-21-2003 01:18 PM                        Rated G Wise Advice from Children "Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals." - Donna Maria G, age 9 "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you." - Rob P, age 8 "If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better shopping list for it." - Steven B, age 8 "Moses came down with the Ten Amendments, which were God's Bill of Wrongs." - Susie F., age 7 "Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense." - Beau M., age 10 "My dog had worms. I think he was going fishing." - Emma B., age 4:D [ 02-06-2003, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-23-2003 10:51 AM                        Rated G A father and his son from Europe, visiting America for the very first time. They go up & down the aisles at the local Food Store. Dad: "Vas diss?? Powdered orange juice??" Son: "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice." A few minutes later, in a different aisle. Dad: "Und vas dis?? Powdered milk?" Son: "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" Yet a few minutes later, in a different aisle. Dad: "Und give a look here!! Baby Powder !! Vat a country, vat a country!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2003 10:41 AM                        Rated G Old Lady & The Dollar A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum. "There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2003 08:01 PM                        Rated Lorraine MOTHER TO ADULT DAUGHTER: "Men are only after one thing -- the TV remote."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2003 08:03 PM                        Rated G Lorraine WOMAN TO HUSBAND AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE: "It sure is easier to get Junior up for school since he got his nose ring.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-29-2003 02:50 PM                        Rated G A woman and her young daughter were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother one Sunday. As they passed through the cemetery on the way back to their car, the little girl said, "Mommy? Do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Oh no, of course not, dear!"the mother replied."Why on earth would you think that?" "Well,that one back there said,'Here lies a lawyer and an honest men.'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-31-2003 03:49 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee Ad found among the miscellaneous listing in the Stanwood/Camano, Washington News: "Caution, homeowners between Warm Beach and Stanwood. Daughter will be learning how to drive. Use caution after leaving garage or porch. Farmers advised to place hay bales around barns,farm equipment and slow-moving livestock.She will be driving white sedan with frightened father aboard."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-31-2003 03:51 PM                        Rated G Memos from Your Child Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for ... I'm only testing you. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it .. it makes me feel more secure. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk to me in private. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values. Don't protect me from consequence. I need to learn the hard way. Don't make rash promises. Remember that I feel badly let down when promises are broken. Don't forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. This is why I'm not always accurate. Don't tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies. Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose my faith in you. Don't put me off when I ask you questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere. Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to try to understand. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither. Don't ever think it beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm to you. Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me but please try. Don't forget I love experimenting. I couldn't get along without it, so please put up with it. Don't forget that I can't thrive without lots of love.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-04-2003 11:46 AM                        Rated G When my daughter was three,we watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarves for the first time. The wicked queen appeared,disguised as an old lady selling apples,and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away,my daughter spoke up. "See,Mom.She doesn't like the peel either."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-06-2003 01:23 PM                        Rated G Lorraine A little boy was complaining to his friend, "My mom won't let me watch public television anymore!" "Why not?" his friend asked incredulously. "Because it has too much sax and violins!!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-08-2003 11:21 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee One day a young mother was sick in bed at home with her young daughter.The daughter was about four, and always wanting to be of help to her mommy.So while her mother was sick,the young girl got some magazine for her mom,fluffed all the pillows for her, and even made her a cup of tea! Her mother was very pleased with the tea and asked her daughter how she had ever learned to make tea on her own.Her daughter proudly told her mom,"well mommy I've seen you do it LOADS of times. Only this time I couldn't find the strainer, so I used the fly swatter instead." "YOU WHAT!?!?!" her mother cried. "Oh don't worry mommy,I didn't use the new fly swatter,I used the old one."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-11-2003 06:09 AM                        Rated G Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a vacation in Colorado.So we flew to Denver and rented a car. We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge,which is more than 1000 feet above the Arkansas River. Walking out onto the bridge,I noticed it swaying in the wind.Then a car went past us,and the wood- plank roadway moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," I finally said. "What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-11-2003 07:40 AM                        Rated G An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?,"gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy,"admitted the young lady,"but 3 girls helped me catch him."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-14-2003 08:39 AM                        Rated G Baby Blues Spell "MOM" on New Pager When my demanding mother found out that I had a pager, I knew that she would buzz me a hundred times a day. I told her that when she calls she could save time by spelling out "M-O-M" on the phone. So whenever my pager goes off and it says "666", I know it's her.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-16-2003 08:15 PM                        Rated G Lorraine "Patty," a lady called to a little girl who was in the parlor, "Did you tell your mother that I was here?" "Yes, ma'am," answered Patty, demurely. "And what did she say?" "She said,'Oh, not that dreadful woman again!'"  |  IP: Logged

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