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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2002 07:41 AM                        Rated G My husband, myself and our 4-year-old daughter, Bobbie, were walking across the top of Buchanan Dam, which contains the waters of the Colorado River to form Buchanan Lake, the largest lake in the Austin, Texas area. My husband was explaining the purpose of the dam to little Bobbie. She stopped, looked up at her father and said, "But Daddy, where are the beavers?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-17-2002 10:30 AM                        Rated G :)A Story to Put you All In the Christmas Spirit... I remember my first Christmas party with Grandpa. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit him on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!" My Grandpa was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to him that day because I knew he would be straight with me. I knew Grandpa always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of grandma's world-famous cinnamon buns, sure to be served at a party. Grandpa was home, and the buns were still warm. As we ate those warm buns I told him everything. He was ready for me. No Santa Claus!" he snorted. "Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumour has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go" Go? Go where, Grandpa?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandpa handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then he turned and walked out of Kerby's. I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbours, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobbie Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-three class. Bobbie Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out for recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobbie Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobbie Decker a coat. I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes," I replied shyly. "It's ... for Bobbie." The nice lady smiled at me. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas. That evening, Grandpa helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons, and write, "To Bobbie, From Santa Claus" on it -- Grandpa said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then he drove me over to Bobbie Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers. Grandpa parked down the street from Bobbie's house, and he and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandpa gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," he whispered, "get going." I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandpa. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobbie. Forty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my grandpa, in Bobbie Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumours about Santa Claus were just what Grandpa said, they were ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-18-2002 11:49 AM                        Rated G The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-18-2002 11:58 AM                        Rated G LITTLE JOEY: My parents just bought a bathroom scale. LITTLE CHLOE: What does it do? LITTLE JOEY: I think you stand on it and it makes you mad.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-19-2002 06:44 AM                        Rated G A New Mom took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time.She dressed her in pink from head to toe.At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her. At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them. The child was crying and begging for some special treat.He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any, she thought. Then she heard his mother's reply."No!" she said,looking in her direction."You may not have a baby sister today.That lady got the last one!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-19-2002 09:09 AM                        Rated G Kidwarmer's Special Holiday notes: *** Carley, 9,was sitting on her father's lap as "O Come All Ye Faithful" was being played by the middle school band. He softly sang the words,"O come ye,O come ye to Bethlehem."Carley popped up and exclaimed,"Oh,is that what they say?I thought they said,'O come ye, O come ye to beg for ham'!" -Brad Blevins (father of Carley) of Auburn Indiana. Kathy baby sits for her grandchildren on a daily basis.Each and every day before they leave,they get hugs and kisses from Grandpa and Grandma.Cameron,4,was the last one to leave. He got his kisses and hugs and out the door he went.Later Cameron's father,Eldon,called Kathy to report that when Cameron had walked out the door it had been windy.Cameron had put his hand over his mouth and explained,"I don't want Grandpa's kiss to blow away." -Kathy Moore of Logonier, Indiana Chalker and his dad used the restroom at a turnpike rest stop. When Chalker couldn't figure out how to turn on the water,his dad told him to put his hands together and hold them under the faucet.Lo and behold,water magically came out.Chalker said,"This must be how Jesus washes his hands!" -Sally Hershiser of Kent,Ohio After raising six children, Deb and her husband adopted three siblings.The children found the country air chillier than they were used to.Sara,5,asked,"Momma is it alright if you can find my long sleeved shorts for me cause my legs are cold?" -Deb Fisher of Newaygo, Michigan Laura,6,had a clipboard filled with lined paper and was busy writing away while sitting at her tiny desk in her mother's office."What are you doing,Laura?"asked her father,Tim. "I'm working on my bills," Laura replied. Tim wondered why his daughter would be writing bills. "May I see?" he asked. "Sure," Laura said, turning her clipboard so he could see. Line after line of the page read "Bill Bill Bill Bill Bill Bill..." "I'm trying to learn how to write 'Bill' right," Laura explained. -Tim Harmon of South Bend, Indiana  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-20-2002 01:50 PM                        Rated G A daughter, thinking she needed breast enhancement (to be like all her friends), went to her father and asked to have them done for her sixteenth birthday. The wise father, knowing she was beautiful just as she was, looked at her, looked in his check book and said; "I'm sorry sweetheart, but we could only afford to do one right now." The subject never came up again.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-23-2002 06:29 PM                        Rated PG Nettie As my family rode in the car to a fishing outing, my 3 children paid attention to the discussion my husband and I were having. His argument was that catfish tasted better and I had to argue back that my favorite was BASS. After several minutes on the bank,my line had gotten caught on something,as I pulled and tugged,my 5 year old exclaimed' OH, MOMMY, I HOPE YOU CAUGHT A BASSTARD!!' Apparently, he pays more attention that I had given him credit for!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-25-2002 06:32 PM                        Rated PG RATED G THE CHRISTMAS HOBBY HORSE: A grandfather bought a hobby horse by mail order as a Christmas present for his granddaughter. The toy arrived in 189 pieces. The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour. It took the old man two days to assemble the toy. Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it off to the company.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-27-2002 10:33 AM                        Rated G My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. "But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-28-2002 12:46 PM                        Rated G When Andrea was planning her upcoming wedding, she asked to wear her mother's wedding dress.She went to try it on and the gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame.As her mother's eyes welled up with tears, Andrea put an arm around her."You're not losing a daughter", she reminded her mother in time-honored fashion,"you're gaining a son." "Oh forget about that!" said her mother with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-28-2002 01:13 PM                        Rated PG A couple decided to take their teenage daughter to a shopping mall in a nearby town one weekend.As they were getting ready to go,the girl came downstairs dressed in short shorts and a spaghetti string top. An anticipated fight broke out between her and the husband over her inappropriate attire.In order to keep the peace, the mother stepped in and reminded her husband that when they were young she had dressed the same way,it was the style. He said,"Yeah!Well if you remember right I had something to say about that,too!" "Yes dear,"she said,"you did...you asked me for my phone number!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-28-2002 08:51 PM                        Rated G A bit of wisdom from children: When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?' Don't answer. - Hannah, age 9 Never tell your Mom her diet's not working. - Michael, age 14 When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. - Taylia, age 11 Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, age 11 Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, age 10 When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, age 13  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-02-2003 09:00 AM                        Rated G Even if you're not a grandparent you will enjoy this.A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following: We always spend our vacation with Grandma and Grandpa.They used to live here in a big, brick house,but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center,but they must have got it fixed because it is all right now.They play games and do exercises there,but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on.I guess they don't know how to swim. At their gate there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it.He watches all day so nobody can escape.Sometimes they sneak out.Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff,but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks,they just eat out.And they eat the same thing every night:Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out, so the ones who get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded one day,too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the dollhouse.Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-03-2003 10:07 AM                        Rated G LOSING WEIGHT Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks."Wow," the lady said,"I must have worn these when I was 183." Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"  |  IP: Logged

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