I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet,! so I decided to test her.

I would point out something and ask what color it was.

She would tell me and always she was correct.

But it was fun for me, so I continued.

In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart that contained a screaming, bellowing baby.

The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."

A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert."

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How did you know that?" his mother asked.

An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one gravestone he said, "There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts, and if anyone has gone to heaven, he has."

They walked on a bit further and then came to another grave. The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, "Now there's a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 dollars and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to hell, he has."

The little boy thought for a while and then said, "You know,Grandpa, you are very lucky."

"Why?" asked the old man in surprise.

"Well,whichever place you go to, you'll have some money to draw on."
:

A 5-year-old develops a strong interest in spelling.

One day she's working with pencil and pad at the kitchen table and asks her mother, "Mom, what does FGRPL spell?"

"Nothing," the mother says.

A few minutes later: "Mom, what does DOEB spell?"

"Nothing," the mother answers.

This goes on for an hour or more. Then she asks, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"

The mother smiles at the child again and says, "Nothing, sweetheart."

My wife told our 5 year old to put on clean underwear every day, and hedid just as he was told.

At the end of the week he had on five pairs.

One day, Gramma sent her grandson Peter down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.

"Now, where's my bucket and my water?" Gramma asked him.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" cried Peter."There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Peter. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

At one point, she said, "Mommy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong honey?"

A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man who took them out.

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such
a strange and long way, making everything so complicated and
trying to sound intelligent, that another person who is listening
to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?

My six year old Grand Daughter lost her first tooth, and her mother told her if she would put under her pillow, the tooth fairy would leave her some money for it by morning.

Her mom forgot about it, and the next morning Susie come running down the stairs mad as hell and said "Mama, that tooth faggot didn't even leave me a cent!"

He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.

When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet. Why don't you have a seat?,"

Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do.

Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

"Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!"

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby so he asks Carrie's dad to please repeat himself.

"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye. "Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids, as I pointed to the lacy pajamas with matching robe.

It was Halloween and the neighborhood was alive with Trick-Or-Treater's. I opened the door to find a little guy standing there all decked out in a very nice pirate costume.

"Oh how cute," I cooed. "A little pirate." "Where are your buccaneers?"

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.