|
|
 
|
|
Author
|
Topic: Kids and Grand Children
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 11-17-2002 01:19 PM
Rated PG  Fred in CincyWhen our kids were young my wife and I took them, once a year to Kings Island, in Cincinnati. She is a bit of a dare devil and always tried to get me to ride those killer rides I hate. When she tried to get me on a roller coaster that went to the moon and back at least two times, I flatly refused. She laughed at me and got our two boys to go with her, our daughter, being of sound mind, decided to stay on the ground with me. As it turned out one of our sons has the same fear of heights as I
do and before the ride was over had gripped her shirt so hard,
that he had completely torn it off of her. It just so happened that it was one of those tie things she didn't wear a bra with, so by the time the ride ended she was bare breasted, right in front of a line of about fifty people. I was laughing so hard that I hardly realized she was removing my shirt for her use. 
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 11-20-2002 05:42 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Don't Mess with Mom
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He'd decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The "Children's Bill of Rights."
It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.
And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with the crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
Don't preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D. "
Of course my first instinct was
To toss him out the door
But the chance to teach a lesson
made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
The next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.,
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.
And I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."
I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
Just save that raging appetite,
and wait 'til dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."
He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof above your head.
Your clothing won't be trendy now,
and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the "Parent's Bill of Rights,"
It's in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying,
and why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D.?" ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Author Unknown
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 11-24-2002 02:32 AM
Rated G ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
TEENAGER (NOUN)
1) A mammal found extensively throughout the planet, often clustered in groups in front of television sets (See SLOTHS). Thought to be a member of Homo Sapiens due to physical similarities, though social and emotional behavior leads many researchers to consider Teenagers to be a completely different species altogether (See PARENTS) Very territorial.(See ITS MY ROOM STAY OUT OF MY ROOM.)
Teenagers are extraordinarily social animals, seeking contact with their peer groups to such a great extent they will forgo family, chores, food, and responsibility (See FATHERS, QUOTATIONS OF). The males of the species forage for food constantly (See MCDONALD'S) and can consume three times their weight every day. When in full plumage,
the males are usually drab, marked by loose fitting garments which slide off their backsides and look ridiculous (See FATHERS, QUOTATIONS OF).
The females, on the other hand, sport striking colors under their
eyes, throughout their hair, and on the tips of their fingers.Females often attract males by wearing garments to accentuate chest development (See WONDER BRAS). Males indicate their approval by staring at the display(See FATHERS, HEART ATTACKS OF). The call of the female is complex and shrill, "Like, O m' Gosh! O m' Gosh!" Males are less vocal, signaling to other males with a salutatory, "Yo. Yo. Yo. S'up? S'up? S'up?"
Teenagers line their nests with discarded undergarments. The females hold telephone receivers to their ears an average of six
hours a day.When challenged for possession, they snarl and warn
intruders, "I'm doing my HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK." The males lie immobile for hours at a time, conserving energy and
listening to violent electronic signals from radios.
Male Teenagers concentrate on important information (See FATHERS, LECTURES OF) by rolling their eyes, shrugging, kicking dirt, and sighing. Females burst into tears and slam doors. Many Homo Sapien families have a host-to-parasite relationship with one (See STRESS) or more than one(See EXTREME STRESS) Teenager. These host families often develop a resistance to the parasite, rejecting them some time in the eighteenth year of life.
Often, though, this rejection is merely theoretical, with the Teenager continuing to live off of the host Homo Sapiens family for many years afterward, often at great sacrifice (See COLLEGE).
1) Of, relating to, and especially EXPLAINING irrational,intolerable, or inexplicable behavior. ("She's a Teenager.")
2) A request for sympathy, offered by adult parents to each other
in support.("I have a Teenager at home.") Often accompanied by sighs, headshaking, tongue clucking, and shoulder shrugging.
| IP: Logged
|
|
David Favel
Jedi Master Film Handler
Posts: 764
From: Ashburton, New Zealand
Registered: Feb 2002
|
posted 11-25-2002 01:30 AM
Rated PGish
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her
father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish,"
she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God
would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might
start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start
loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and
sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then
he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much
he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with
newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've
ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open,
the Marines could blow the shit out of him."
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 11-27-2002 01:45 PM
Rated G
At about the age of three,my daughter stated,"Momma, I want to
spend the night with Mrs. Earls." (Mrs. Earls was her day care
sitter.)
I replied, "O.K., Someday you can."
She then said, "Momma, I want to spend the night with Aunt Cille." (Aunt Cille is her Great Aunt.) I replied, "O.K., Someday you can."
Totally exasperated she said, "I can't that night--that's the same night I'm spending the night with Mrs. Earls."
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All times are Central (GMT -6:00)
|
This topic comprises 36 pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... 34 35 36
|
Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM
6.3.1.2
The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion
and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.
|
Home
Printer-friendly view of this topic