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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2004 11:20 AM                        Rated G When my wife was pregnant with our second child,we kept telling our firstborn (son, 2 years 9 months) that when the baby came that he could help us take care of him. We had brought a doll with two bottles (1 milk & 1 orange juice) for him to practice feeding to doll so he could feed the real baby. We gave him the doll and bottles just before we went to the hospital. A few days after Mom and baby came home, my wife was breast feeding the baby, and our older son came by and was watching. My wife asked if he knew what the baby was doing,and he said yes that the baby was being fed. He asked my wife what the baby was getting and she told him milk. He asked: "Do you have orange juice in the other one?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-06-2004 07:40 AM                        Rated G Michele At the beginning of the grandparents' class I teach, I ask participants if they would share the very first feelings they had when they learned they were going to be grandparents. Most people say they were happy and excited. During one class, however, an expectant grandmother blurted, "I just hated it! I finally knew for certain that my daughter was having sex."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-06-2004 08:05 AM                        Rated PG One day my six year old asked, "Daddy, what's a transvestite?" I said, "Go ask your mother... he'll tell you."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-06-2004 12:20 PM                        Rated PG Michele Mommy sez to brush your teeth And change your underwear. Mommy sez to wash your feet And always comb your hair, And always eat your vegetables And always be polite, And never walk in puddles, And never ever fight, And shake hands with your uncles, And kiss your ugly aunts, And just be seen and never heard, And don't pee in your pants, And take at least three baths a week, And wash behind your ears. You must respect your elders, And get along with peers. And if you don't obey these rules You're liable to get hit. But frankly, between you and me, Mommy's full of shit.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-10-2004 02:46 PM                        Rated G Michele My grandson, Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When he was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed. Wanting to find out what was the matter,his mother asked,"Chris,what happened today to upset you so much?" He answered, "It's not fair -- I'm not allowed to go to the library." His mother became very concerned and asked, "Why aren't you allowed to go to the library?" With a tearful reply he said, "Because, in order to go to the library you have to have supervision, and I wear glasses!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-13-2004 07:08 AM                        Rated G Linda was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Linda kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Linda marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2004 10:26 AM                        Rated R Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He replied, "How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole!" afterwards.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-05-2004 09:00 AM                        Rated G Michele My 19-year-old granddaughter stood watching as her dad, grandfather and great-grandfather loading tackle boxes,rods and bait to go on a fishing trip. As they got into the car, her grandfather asked with total confidence,"What kind of fish do you want us to bring home for supper?" "Well, if you're filling orders,I'd like bass," my granddaughter replied.Then she grinned."And, Grandpa,don't pay over two dollars and twenty-five cents a pound."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2004 02:07 PM                        Rated G At Sea World, our grandson absolutely refused to see the show featuring Shamu the killer whale,but he wouldn't tell us why. No amount of discussion could get him to change his mind. Later,when we got home,we discovered the reason for his reluctance. An aunt had told him how exciting the show would be because "...they choose children from the audience to feed Shamu."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-12-2004 06:38 AM                        Rated G A six year old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don't be angry," the mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts." A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says... "Now she knows."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-31-2004 10:22 AM                        Rated G I was never an athletic kid. One year I played Little League Baseball and my dad was the coach. Halfway through the season he traded me to another family.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-18-2004 10:01 AM                        Rated G Denny in Yonkers You have to be very careful how you explain things to kids. A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting,he looked up and said,"Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good, and the comedies make me laugh.I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She startedadjusting the knobs,trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, shestarted hitting the back side, hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door,and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend!" The minister fainted!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-19-2004 11:54 AM                        Rated G Janine People are odd; in a bus, you can't get them to move to the back; in a church, you can't get them to move to the front. I want my children to have all the things I never could afford. Then I want to move in with them.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-05-2004 02:46 PM                        Rated G Lorraine My teenage son was at that rebellious stage when a parent's endorsement of anything is the kiss of death. So I was pleased he asked me to help him pick a shirt to wear to a party. On his bed were the choices: blue, white and beige. " I like the blue one," I said. "What's your second choice?" "The white one." "Thanks," he said - and put on the beige shirt.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2004 02:58 AM                        Rated G Janine Discipline is not as simple nor as easy as it might appear. A little girl said to her father, "I don't think Mama knows much about bringing up children," The father asked "Why" The little girl replied, "Well, she makes me go to bed when I'm not sleepy and makes me get up when I am sleepy."  |  IP: Logged

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