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Author
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Topic: Kids and Grand Children
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 07-29-2004 12:16 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Michele
With 12 children at home and only one bathroom, my father had a very strict rule - any ablutions that could be accomplished at the kitchen sink would be done there.
During rush hours, early mornings and evenings before bed, one of us would frequently forget to bring a razor or a hair dryer or a toothbrush from the bathroom to the kitchen.
Naturally, the victim would bear the brunt of considerable ribbing while waiting for an opportunity to re-enter the bathroom to retrieve the necessary article.
My father led the jeers, until one morning when he stepped out of the bathroom and, halfway to the kitchen sink, executed a quick reverse.
Unfortunately, the next tenant had already taken occupancy, leaving him no choice but to wait.
Noting the toothbrush in his hand, someone asked, "What's the matter, Dad? Did you forget the toothpaste?"
To which he snapped, "No damn it! My teeth!" ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-12-2004 11:04 AM
Rated PG
Grandparents and Grandchildren some old--some new, but all sweet.
1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
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A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like:
"We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
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3. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike? "I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
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4. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
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5. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
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6. A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her! hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife,"
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7. Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?"
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!"
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8. When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
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9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four!"
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10. A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add 'es'." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Children's Logic
Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
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A grandmother was surprised by her 7-year-old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup.
She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV - "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"
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Susie Sunshine asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Jimmy's picture which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt." said Jimmy.
"I see, and that must be Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus," Ms Susie said. "But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot."
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-29-2004 10:02 AM
Rated G
While playing catch with his twelve-year-old daughter, Mandy, Hank kept stressing the proper form for throwing a soft ball.
"Geez," he said after a particularly poor toss from his daughter, "you throw like a girl."
Mandy put her hands on her hips and said, "Uh, hello? Maybe it's because I am a girl."
They both laughed and Hank apologized.
When they finished and returned to the house, Mandy's mother asked them how it went.
"Fine," said Mandy, "but maybe you should have a talk with your husband about the birds and the bees."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 11-05-2004 10:03 AM
Rated G ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Bill, his wife, Janda, and their three-and-a-half-year old son, Travis, moved from a farm into the city. After spending their first night in their new home, they were awakened early by Travis.
They told him to play outside for a few minutes until they got dressed and could make breakfast.
About fifteen minutes later, Travis returned and in a thrilled voice, exclaimed, "Everybody here has doorbells and they all work!"
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