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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-06-2004 07:12 PM                        Rated G Michele Although I had never met him, I knew that my grandfather had been five feet, six inches tall, while my stately grandmother stood five feet, eleven inches. As a teen-ager leafing through old photographs with Grandma, I finally realized how unusual they must have looked together. "Grandma," I asked, "how could you have fallen in love a man five inches shorter than you?" She turned to me. "Honey," she said, "we fell in love sitting down, and when I stood up, it was too late."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-06-2004 07:20 PM                        Rated G Michele Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. Why, Dad? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-06-2004 07:37 PM                        Rated X An old man was 89-years-old and he wanted to marry a 24 year old girl. His son told him, "You can't marry a 24-year-old girl." He said, "Why not?" The son said, "If you marry a 24-year-old girl, you'll have to have sex with her and that could be fatal!" He thought about it a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well if she dies, she dies."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-23-2004 08:23 AM                        Rated G B.B. "May I go swimming, Mommy?" "No, you may not. There are sharks here." "But Daddy's swimming." "He's insured."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-26-2004 08:48 PM                        Rated G When my grandson was four years old, his mother decided to rearrange his bedroom. He wanted to help, so she asked him where he’d like to put the bed. He thought for a moment, then replied, "In your room."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-26-2004 08:49 PM                        Rated G Lorraine In our church, children are permitted both the bread and the wine at communion. After one service, the priest took me aside to speak to me about my seven-year-old. "Please tell Christopher," he gently said, "the appropriate response to the wine is ‘Amen’ not ‘Mmm, Yummy!’"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-03-2004 09:11 AM                        Rated G Michele A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, "Mommy, my stomach hurts." Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!" She then prepared a bowl of soup. Later that day when the pastor and his wife were over for dinner. The pastor began to feel bad. Holding his head he said, "I have such a terrible headache!" The little girl looked up at him, giving him the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, "That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2004 09:13 AM                        Rated R As an old Italian Mafia Don lay dying he called his grandson to his bed. "Grandson, I wanna you lisin to me. I want for you to take my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But," whined the grandson, "I really don't like guns,Grandpa. How about leaving me your Gold Rolex Watch instead." "You lisinna to me," responded the Don."Somma day you goina be runna da business.You gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino." "Somma day you goina coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man.Whatta do you goina do then? Point to you watch and say, 'Times up?'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2004 02:23 PM                        Rated pG Michele Doug: I know you're crazy about that little daughter of yours. What are you going to do when she starts to date? Bill: I figure I'll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder, and pull him close to me so that only he can hear. Then I'll say, "Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She's my only daughter, and I love her very much. If you were thinking about touching, kissing, or being physically affectionate to her in any way, just remember this: I don't mind going BACK to prison."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-10-2004 09:54 AM                        Rated G B.B. Parental Thoughts! Children brighten up a home: They always forget to turn out the lights! The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it. Your child has started growing up when he stops asking you where he came from and starts refusing to tell you where he's going. You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick and your son starts to wipe it off.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2004 01:05 PM                        Rated G When asked if he'd trade places with his father for the day, five-year-old Darren said, "My Daddy wouldn't like going to school because all the girls would chase him at recess."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2004 01:15 PM                        Rated G During his freshman year, my son Steve couldn't get home for Christmas. So he sent me a set of inexpensive cuff links and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much, but it's all you could afford."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 02:45 PM                        Rated G A Father advised his son, that when he grows up and has a family,you should get a Basset Hound. “That way when you come home after a rough day at the office, your dog will look as if he has had more problems than you.”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 03:09 PM                        Rated PG Twenty-four hours before his wedding, a young man asks his dad if he has any fatherly advice to impart before the big day. “Just two things,” the father says. “First, tell her you must have one night a week to go out with the boys.” “And what’s the other one?” the son asks. “Don’t waste it on the boys.”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 03:49 PM                        Rated PG I'm Catholic. My mother and I were unpacking and she found my diaphragm. I had to tell her it was a bathing cap for my cat.  |  IP: Logged

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