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Author Topic: Kids and Grand Children Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-14-2005 05:28 PM                        Rated G I don't always wear my clerical collar as an Anglican priest, but on this particular day I did. In the afternoon I realized that I had to take my young son to an optometrist's appointment and went over to his school. Edward had been playing soccer and was covered in dirt, but since there was no time to change, we went directly to the optometrist's office. I was a bit uncomfortable about Edward's appearance as we walked hand in hand, and my discomfort must have been obvious, for the optometrist greeted us with, "Don't worry, Father, it's just another case of uncleanliness next to godliness."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-20-2005 02:54 PM                        Rated G The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-20-2005 03:14 PM                        Rated G As Jan stood in the pharmacy line waiting to turn in a prescription, her squirming three-year old daughter, Kate, said, "Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom." "Honey, I can't take you right now because I'm in line, so just wait a minute," Jan said. Her eight-year old son, Michael volunteered to take his sister to the bathroom, and off the two siblings went. When they returned Jan asked Michael, "Which bathroom did you use?" "The men's because if was closer than the ladies," he replied. "But don't worry, Mom. Nobody knew she was a girl because I called her Brian while we were in there."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-21-2005 01:33 PM                        Rated G When asked what love is, eight-year-old Nikki said, "During my piano recital, I was on stage and scared. I looked out at all the people watching me and saw my dad waving and smiling at me. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-28-2005 10:47 AM                        Rated G Man: "Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?" Bystander: "It's a girl; she's my daughter." Man: "Oh, please forgive me sir. I had no idea you were her father!" Bystander: "I'm not. I'm her mother."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-09-2005 10:31 AM                        Rated G The Father knocked on the bathroom door where his teenage daughter had been taking a bath for over an hour. "Cindy! Just how long will you be in that bathtub?" From the other side of the door came an exasperated reply: "Oh Daddy! Water affects your weight, not your height. I'm still 5'4"!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-09-2005 11:21 AM                        Rated G For years my husband denied he was an aggresive driver. That changed one day when we were out for a drive with our three-year old son, Matthew. Seeing a teaching opportunity, I asked Matthew about traffic lights. "What does a red light mean?" I asked. "Stop." "Good. How about green?" "Go." "And yellow?" I conintued. In his best deep-voice impression of Daddy,Matthew bellowed.... "Hang on!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-18-2005 10:03 AM                        Rated R Hank in Simi Valley I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the Internet, but from a mentor, and on a very personal level. My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives. The special trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him, and the advice he used to give. Much was wasted, because I was young when he died. If he were alive today, sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice, came when I was 12. We were sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. He told me that one day I'd find a woman and start my own family. "And son," he said, "be sure you marry a woman with small hands." "How come, Grandpa?" I asked. "It makes your pecker look bigger," he said. Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-03-2005 01:26 PM                        Rated G Living out in the country, we can pick up only two television channels. When our set broke down, it was almost too much for our three teenagers to bear. My sympathetic father, who lives nearby, offered us the use of his portable set. Our daughter squealed in delight when she heard this, and I was curious at her exuberance. "Gee, Mom," she said, "don't you know that Grandpa's TV has cable?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-04-2005 05:22 PM                        Rated G "May I go swimming, Mommy?" "No, you may not. There are sharks here." "But Daddy's swimming." "He's insured."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-08-2005 12:30 PM                        Rated G I anticipated no problems when my daughter had her first dental checkup. My husband and son waited in the reception room while I escorted Helen into the dentist's office. We had to coax her into the chair, and when the dentist came, she refused to open her mouth. It took 15 minutes of cajoling, warning, demanding and pleading, and lots of tears, before the dentist was able to get a look. Finally settled in the car on our way home, Helen turned to her brother and declared, "He didn't pull out my teeth like you said he would!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-08-2005 12:37 PM                        Rated G JerseyT Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly. Several minutes passed... and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, "Dean, you weren't jumping on the beds again, were you?" He stood with his little head dropped low and said, "I'm trying, but it's so hard to quit."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-23-2005 06:22 PM                        Rated G Child: Mom, where were you born? Mother: In Boston, honey. Child: How about Dad? Mother: He was born in Chicago. Child: And where was I born? Mother: You were born in New York. Why? Child: Oh, no reason. Just that it's sure lucky we all got together!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2005 06:15 AM                        Rated G "Was Daddy a bashful man, Mommie?" "Well, if he wasn't you'd be six years older."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-27-2005 10:14 AM                        Rated G "What is a debtor, Pa?" "A man who owes money." "And what is a creditor?" "The man who thinks he is going to get it."  |  IP: Logged

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