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Author
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Topic: Kids and Grand Children
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Kris Brunton
Expert Film Handler
Posts: 108
From: Napanee, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Apr 2000
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posted 06-03-2003 11:37 AM
Rated AA
COPS AND KIDS
There was a city cop on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little boy on his shiny new bike stopped beside
him."Nice bike,"the cop said,"did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little boy said,"he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "next year tell Santa to
put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young boy looked up at the cop and said, "nice horse you have there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did,"chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-04-2003 10:59 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Amanpreet heard a rumor that his father,grandfather and great
grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.
So,on his 21st birthday,Amanpreet his good friend Brian
headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted.
When Amanpreet and Brian arrived at the lake,they rented a boat and began paddling.When the got to the middle of the lake,
Amanpreet stepped off of the side of the boat... and nearly drowned.
Furious and somewhat shamed,he and Brian headed for home.
When Amanpreet arrived back at the family farm,he asked his
grandmother for an explanation."Grandma, why can I not walk
on water like my father,and his father,and his father before him?"
The feeble old grandmother took Amanpreet by the hands,looked
into his eyes,and explained, "That's because your father,
grandfather,and great-grandfather were born in January... you were born in July, dear." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-06-2003 11:05 AM
Rated G
Four-year-old Little PHIL asked, "Mommy,where do babies come from?
"The stork, dear." replied PHIL'S Mom.
"Mommy,who keeps bad people from robbing our house?" Asked Little PHIL.
PHIL'S mother answer, "The police, dear."
"Mommy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?"
"The fire department, dear."
"Mommy, where does food come from?"
"Farmers, dear."
"Mommy?"
"Yes, dear?"
"What do we need Daddy for?" ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-06-2003 03:00 PM
Rated G Tom in Colorado
My son had just turned 15 when I finally decided to talk to him
about sex.To ensure private time,I brought him on a ski trip and
began our talk on the chair lift so he couldn't escape.
"Do you know about girls and babies?" I asked.
He nodded but cut me off.
The next ride up the ski lift,I brought it up again,only to have
him look away in silence.
On the third lift,already knowing I had waited too long, I bluntly asked,"Son, would you like to talk about sex?"
"Damn, Dad," he responded, "is that all you ever think about?"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-06-2003 03:03 PM
Rated G
My mother, my son (who is now three years old) and I were in a
local department store.Byron,my son,brought along his toy
soldier doll.
He ended up leaving the toy in my mother's cart, but I didn't know this at the time and I asked him,"Byron, where is your little man?"
He looked very confused, touched the front of his pants and said, with utmost sincerity, "It's right here, Mom!"
I was floored, although everyone else in the store seemed to be
very amused!
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-19-2003 07:23 AM
Rated G
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
--Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
--Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
--Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
--Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
--Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
--Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
--Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
--Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
--Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
--Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
--Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
--Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing.
I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
--Theodore, age 8
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
--Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8
"And the #1 Favourite is........"
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
--Ricky, age 10
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-24-2003 06:37 AM
Rated G
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails any more. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your chips without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen" Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate" Nikka - age 6
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore," Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine - age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica - age 8
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed on to his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry
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