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Author
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Topic: Senior's
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-07-2007 01:38 PM
Rated R ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table.Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink,and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.
When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.
"What happened, Grandpa?" he is asked by his concerned children.
"Well," he answered, "I don't really know. I had to go to the bathroom.So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!" ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-07-2007 01:48 PM
Rated PG An LA Friend
When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Tampa, Florida, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions,they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.
One nurse took her copy to Missouri The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health.
A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world,is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.
Crabby Old Man
What do you see nurses? .....What do you see?
What are you thinking......when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, ..........not very wise,
Uncertain of habit ........with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food.......and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice.....'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice ....the things that you do.
And forever is losing ..... a sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not...........lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding ....... the long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? ... Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse......you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am ..... as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, ...as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten......with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .......who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen .....with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now. ..........a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty ......my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows........that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now .......... I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide ..... and a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty ............. my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other ....... with ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons ...have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me....to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, ...... babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children ...... my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me ...... my wife is now dead.
I look at the future .......... I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing ....young of their own.
And I think of the years....and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man.........and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age .......look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles.......grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone........where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . a young guy still dwells,
And now and again ........my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys......... I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living...........life over again.
I think of the years .....all too few...gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact....that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .......open and see.
Not a crabby old man. Look closer....see........ME!!
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Gordon Bachlund
Jedi Master Film Handler
Posts: 696
From: Monrovia, CA, USA
Registered: Aug 1999
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posted 09-30-2007 12:57 PM
Rated G....
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large, unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR WHO DID YOURS."
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Gordon Bachlund
Jedi Master Film Handler
Posts: 696
From: Monrovia, CA, USA
Registered: Aug 1999
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posted 11-28-2007 06:31 PM
Rated R
The two little old ladies, who were long time friends and a
bit old-fashioned, each went to a retirement home of her own
respective religion.
It was not long before Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for
Mrs. Cohen, so one day she asked to be driven to the Jewish
Home to visit her old friend.
When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs, and
kisses. Mrs. Murphy said "Don't be holdin' back, Mrs. Cohen,
how do you like it here?"
Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the
facility and the caretakers. Then, with a twinkle in her eye,
she said, "But the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend."
Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful! Tell me all
about it."
Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch we go up to my room and sit on
the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top and then
all over, and then we sing Jewish songs."
Mrs. Murphy said, "For sure it's a blessing. I'm so glad
for you Mrs. Cohen."
Mrs. Cohen said, "And how is it with you, Mrs. Murphy?"
Mrs. Murphy said it was also wonderful at her new facility,
and that she also had a boyfriend.
Mrs. Cohen said, "Good for you! So what do you do?"
"We also go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of
the bed. I let him touch me on top, and then I let him touch
me all over."
Mrs. Cohen said, "Yes? And then....?"
Mrs. Murphy said, "Well, since we don't know any Jewish songs,
we fuck."
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