Things Go Better with Coke!.......

Maybe it is not strange, but it is true.

I stopped at the local "storefront" station to take a break.

A less than model citizen walks in the front door and hands me a small baggie of cocaine. He then tells me, "I just bought this cocaine down the street and I want you to arrest the man that sold it to me!"

HELLOOO! Anyone home?!?!

Ends up he was a local drug dealer tryin to "legally" get rid of the new competition which sprung up.

We got rid of him for a while.......

Talk About Deaf and Dumb!

When I arrived to work that night we were briefed on a lady getting her car stolen from her residence while she was home.

This was unusual because she had an alarm system on her car and she never even heard it go off.

Later that night I was parked at a local business talking with another officer when we heard a siren coming toward us. We figured it was an ambulance or something, but it keep getting louder and we never saw any lights.

All of a sudden this car went by us with the siren going off on it.
It was the same car that had been reported stolen earlier that day.

After a short chase we learned that the driver of the car was deaf and didn't know the alarm was going off.

He quickly learned that he needed to find a new line of work. .......

ADVICE TO DUMB CRIMINALS(based on what other dumb criminals have done)

If you plan to commit a crime and run from the police on foot...*Do* pick a more subtle color to wear than bright yellow pants.

*Don't* invite a uniformed police officer into your home to chat about a crime you witnessed if you have dope on the table in plain view.

When you go on a burglary spree *Do* ensure you have enough gas in your vehicle to drive away from your crime scene.

"But I know the people who live here" is *Not* a valid justification for burglarizing a neighbors house when they are out of town.

When an officer is demonstrating a field sobriety test *Don't* say, "Well, I can't do that sober!" on camera, and then plead not guilty.If you are going to steal a car

*Do* pick one that will blend in traffic better than a pearl white six door limo.

*Don't* answer a question with the phrase, "Who me?" when you and the officer are the only people in a ten mile radius.

*Don't* repeat the question that the officer just asked. It's considered a stall technique and it gives away the fact you are getting ready to lie through your teeth.

*Don't* say, "I ain't got no dope. Why you wanna search my car?" before the officer even introduces himself/herself on the traffic stop.

*Do* pick an alias you can spell before you lie to the police about your name

.*Do* ensure the birthday you give matches the age you give when lying about your birthday.

When you attempt to drop your dope on the ground when approached by an officer, *Don't* bounce said dope off the toe of the officer's boot.

*Do* come up with something better to say than, "These aren't my pants" when the officer finds dope or any other contraband in your pocket.

If you are going to jump into a stranger's fenced back yard *Do* make sure a police K-9 vehicle is not parked in the driveway.

Show Me the Evidence!

After stopping a car for speeding, I asked the driver why she wasn't wearing her seatbelt (It's the law for driver's to wear seatbelts in Ohio).

The driver (a very attractive young lady) said "I'm an exotic dancer, and the seatbelt pinches my nipple rings and hurts. So I don't wear a seatbelt 'cause it hurts if I do.

If you don't believe me, I'll show you."

She also told this story in court. The judge found her guilty and told her he didn't need to see her evidence. .......

It Wasn't My Fault!

This didn't actually happen to me, but was told by an older officer.

He swears it's true...

"I can't help it, constable. Someone has hypnotized me to park illegally!" .......

A friend of mine worked as a State Highway patrolman in Wyoming for several years. Whenever he pulled someone over for speeding, he would always ask them why they were exceeding the speed limit. If the excuse was

original, he would usually let them off with a warning. He said the best excuse he ever got was the following:

Him: "So, why is it that you were doing 70 mph in a 55
zone?"

Bee Careful Out There!

I stopped a car in a rural area of our county for going 80 MPH in a 55 MPH zone.

The driver explained that he had a bee flying around his head so he sped up to 80, hoping that the bee couldn't fly that fast and would not be able to fly out of the back seat area to get at him.....

Tough One to Swallow!

While running traffic late one night I had a pick-up truck pass my spot going 72 MPH in a 45 zone.

I took off. I declared a pursuit at about 4 miles into following this subject with lights and siren going.

After about another 7 miles the truck signals and pulls over. I had a Deputy Sheriff show up just as I began to approach the vehicle.

Upon reaching the driver, I recognized him as one of our towns residents.He looked at me and said he was sorry for going so fast, and he didn't stop, because he didn't know I was back there,because...... "I've had A LOT to drink!" .....(He went to jail!)..

Gotta Be a Verbal Warning!

While running radar on Ga. Hwy 85, I stopped a van which was traveling 72mph in the 35 mph zone.

The driver explained that he did not see the 35 mph speed sign because he was plugging his wife's breast pump.

After explaining this to me he leaned back in the drivers seat and there was his wife ---with breast pump attached-- I had to let this one go???????????.......

GIVE ME A BRAKE . . .!

One night many years ago I was on patrol and observed a vehicle blow through a red light at a major intersection.

There had been plenty of time to stop, yet the vehicle had not even slowed down.

I stopped the car and asked the young female driver why she had done that.

The girl told me she had just had her brakes repaired, it had been very expensive, and she DIDN'T WANT TO WEAR THEM DOWN!

Usually I give people a pass if I haven't heard their excuse before, but in this case she got the ticket. ........................................

I HOPE HE WAS CHARGED. . .!

A man's 30 year old son stole his credit cards and ran up quite a bill.

Two other agencies almost caught him on two seperate occassions but he fought with officers and escaped.

The next day his Mother calls and told us he had just ran into her home and took some clothes and left in a cab.

We called the cab company and actually got the driver on his cell phone.

Did you make a pickup on Alcoa Rd?

Yes.

Where did you take him?

Uh, Well. Is he still in the cab?

Yes Would you bring him to the police department ?

Yea sure. 5 minutes later a surprised crook looked up as the cab stopped in front of the police department to find himself surounded by Detective Greg Little and three Patrol Officers.

Hello case closed.

The cab company involved was The "Wright Way Cab".

So I guess this arrest was made the right way..... ........................................

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"

California State Trooper comes up on a woman apparently stuck with the hood of her down on her, her dress over her hips and her panties down around her ankles.

He quickly extracts her and asks what happened."My car stopped and I got out to look, and while I was looking a Texan shut the hood on me, pulled down my panties and raped me".

"How in the world could you know it was a Texan"?

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.

"What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:"That's all right. You don't have to pay now."

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"