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Author Topic: Political Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2002 08:32 PM                        Rated G "A number of things that I put in (the diary) were inaccurate, and some of them simply weren't true....On occasion, I discovered I would recount conversations that simply didn't happen.'' —Sen. Bob Packwood, referring to his infamous diaries in which he boasted of his sexual dalliances with staff members  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2002 08:34 PM                        Rated G "The attractive lady whom I had only recently been introduced to dropped into my lap....I chose not to dump her off." —Former Senator and presidential candidate Gary Hart,on his encounter with Donna Rice  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2002 08:36 PM                        Rated G "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." —Dan Quayle  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2002 08:38 PM                        Rated G "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -—Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, D.C.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2002 08:40 PM                        Rated G "There they are. See no evil, hear no evil, and...evil." -—Bob Dole, watching former presidents Carter, Ford and Nixon standing by each other at a White House event  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2002 08:42 PM                        Rated G “The enemy isn’t conservatism. The enemy isn’t liberalism. The enemy is bullshit." -—Lars-Erik Nelson, political columnist  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2002 08:47 PM                        Rated R Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he noticed a white band from just above his eyes to the top of his head. Fearing he was turning white and might have to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his problem. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Jesse and told him to drink it all. Jesse did and replied "that tasted like shit." The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-12-2002 06:19 PM                        Rated G THE FREE SOCIETY Father,must I work to eat? Oh,no my lucky son, We're living now on easy street With Dough from Washington. We left it up to Uncle Sam; Now don't get exercised Nobody has to give a damn, We've all been subsidized! But if Sam treats us all so well, And feeds us milk and honey, Please tell me, Daddy,where of where He's going to get the money? Don't worry, son there isn't no hitch in this noble plan; It simply soaks the filthy rich And helps the common man. But Daddy, won't there come a time if we take all their cash, When they'll be left without a dime And things will go smash? My faith in you is shrinking son, You nosey little brat; You do too damn much thinking,boy To be a Democrat.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-13-2002 08:35 AM                        Rated PG Political Quotes: "I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job" George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign "This is a great day for France!" -Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral "Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know? ... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'" -George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students "For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ... uh...setbacks." -George Bush "My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." -Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on "I am honored today to begin my first term as the Governor of Baltimore that is Maryland." -William Donald Schaefer, first inaugural address "I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-Semitism, anti-racism. This is what drives me." -George Bush "The caribou love it. They rub against it and they have babies. There are more caribou in Alaska than you can shake a stick at." -George Bush, on the Alaska pipeline "If I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed." -Ronald Reagan "Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going to succeed." -Ronald Reagan Walter Mondale: George Bush doesn't have the manhood to apologize. Bush: Well, on the manhood thing, I'll put mine up against his any time. -George Bush, and Walter Mondale on the Alaska pipeline "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." ---George Bush, Reuters, May 5, 2000  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-13-2002 10:54 AM                        Rated G "CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it." -—Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2002 08:46 AM                        Rated G "The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist." --Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2002 08:50 AM                        Rated G "Democrats did very well in the Democratic primaries." --Dee Dee Myers  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2002 08:52 AM                        Rated G "Part of growing up is learning how to control one's impulses." --Hillary Clinton, introducing Bill at a gun-control fundraiser  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2002 08:53 AM                        Rated G "President Clinton had a bill, e-i-e-i-o. And in that bill was lots of pork, e-i-e-i-o." --Al D'Amato, Senator from New York, criticing the 1994 crime bill  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2002 11:17 AM                        Rated G "No man is an Ireland." --Richard J. Daley, mayor of Chicago  |  IP: Logged

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