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Author
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Topic: Political Humor
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 05-05-2004 03:00 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Jay Leno Wit
They said in the paper today that Al Gore has donated $6 million that he had left over from his Presidential campaign to help the Democrats win back the White House. Think about that!
He had $6 million left over!
He only lost by 500 votes.
Al, what were you saving it for?
You know, if he had just given those 500 voters $12,000 each, he'd be President right now. _ JL ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
John Kerry's wife, Teresa Heinz, is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week. They said if John Kerry is elected, she would be the oldest First Lady in American history _ 66 years old.
But that doesn't bother Kerry. To him, she looks like a million bucks - rather, $500 million. JL
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 05-07-2004 04:19 AM
Rated XXX ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) Denny in Yonkers
A man was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification.
Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by the Customs Agent at the border, "May I see your identification, please?"
asks the agent.
"I'm sorry,but I lost my wallet," replies the guy.
"Sure,buddy,I hear that every day.No ID,no crossing the border," says the agent.
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims."I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of George Bush on the other.
"This I gotta see," replies the agent. With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent."By golly, you're right!" exclaims the agent."Go on home to New York."
"Thanks!" he says."But how did you know I was from New York?"
The agent replies,"I recognized the picture of Hillary Clinton in the middle."
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Steven Privett
Expert Film Handler
Posts: 208
From: Pasadena, TX, USA
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 05-20-2004 05:03 AM
Rated G
George W. Bush was thrilled at finally being able to spend his first night in the White House, but something very strange happened. On the very first night, he was awakened by George Washington’s ghost. Bush asked the ghost, “President Washington, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington. With all the excitement of the White House, Bush still couldn’t sleep well, and then, later on that night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asked. “Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government,” Jefferson answered. Bush still couldn’t sleep well, so much later, on the same night he saw another ghostly figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost. “Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?,” Bush asked. Lincoln replied, “Go see a play.”
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-10-2004 06:42 AM
Rated G
New Pledge of Allegiance!
Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore because the word "God" is mentioned.... a kid in Arizona wrote the attached NEW School prayer.
I liked it....
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
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Paul Mayer
Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under!
Posts: 3836
From: Albuquerque, NM
Registered: Feb 2000
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posted 06-29-2004 08:44 PM
Rated G
Forwarded to me from my very occasional theatre work partner Dave.
someone sent this to me.
here's hoping...
One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him, and again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."
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Nicholas Suchyta
Film Handler
Posts: 62
From: Washington, DC
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted 07-09-2004 05:33 PM
G. W. Bush and John Kerry somehow ended up at the same barbershop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Kerry in his chair reached for the aftershave. Kerry was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Theresa will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse,"
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"
Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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