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Author Topic: Political Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2008 03:56 PM                        Rated G Iranian president Mahmud Ahmadinejad calls President Bush and tells him, 'George, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.' 'What did it say on the banners?' Bush asks. Mahmud replies, 'United States of Iran.' Bush says,'You know, Mahmud, I am really happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner.' 'What did it say on the banners?' Mahmud asks. Bush replies, 'I don't know. I can't read Hebrew.' [ 01-15-2008, 02:46 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-15-2008 02:47 PM                        Rated G TheWhiteRabbit The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. 'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice." The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me." So the Pope slapped her.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-15-2008 02:51 PM                        Rated G Andrew Some folks feel the government owes them a living. The rest of us would gladly settle for a small tax refund. [ 01-31-2008, 06:29 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-31-2008 06:37 PM                        Rated G Lorraine On a bookstore display shelf, a girl spotted a book on John F. Kennedy, with a picture showing him in the Oval Office. "I know him," she said. Surprised she recognized him, I added: "Yes, he was very important. He was president of the United States." "I know he was important," she agreed. "How did you know that?" I asked. "Because," she replied, "I saw him shake hands with Forrest Gump."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-09-2008 10:16 AM                        Rated G Dave in Aurora, Ont. An American Nightmare Dear Friends, Last night I had the strangest dream. It was so real, so life-like and so vivid I woke up in a cold sweat. Let me describe it to you briefly...** 1. Hillary wins the Democratic Party nomination for President of the United States** 2. Naturally, she wants to choose as her running mate someone with a lot of knowledge and experience in government and foreign affairs, someone who is a seasoned campaig ner who could bring a lotof strength to the ticket. Who better than Bill, her husband?!!!** 3. Hill and Bill go on to win the election in November and the Democrats maintain control of the House and the Senate.** 4. Hillary is sworn in as President on January 20, 2009. The next day, after all the inauguration parties are over, she calls a press conference to make an announcement: she is resigning as President!!! Bill, as the Vice President, immediately becomes President!!! This is all perfectly legal under the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution, for it states that "no person may be elected as president more than twice". Bill is not being elected for a third term but is merely serving out the remainder of Hillary's term---all 4 years of it.** 5. But wait! There's more! The following day Bill calls a press conference to make an announcement. He has chosen someone to fill the now-vacant office of Vice President. Guess who he picks? Why, Hillary, of course!!! And she would still be able to run forpresident again!!! Please forward this e-mail to all of your Republican friends and to as many others as you wish to causesleepless nights...  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-05-2008 02:19 PM                        Rated G lbp * Mary Todd dated both Lincoln and his political rival Stephen Douglas * She accepted a proposal from Abe, who broke the engagement just before the wedding * He re-proposed and they were married in 1842 * To put it mildly, Mary Todd was an emotional wreck * Severe migraines kept her bedridden for weeks at a time, and she often threw tirades in public while accusing her husband of infidelity * She was physically abusive as witnessed by attorney Lincoln often appearing in court with bruises, blackened eyes, and on one occasion, a broken nose * She expressed open destain toward members of the press who cited her extravagant spending during the height of the Civil War as both outrageous and disrespectful * She purchased new china for $12,000, and redecorated the Mansion while overshooting her allocated budget by $20,000 * It was not unusual for merchants to petition Congress, or demand payment from the president, for Mrs. Lincoln's credits * After the death of their son Willie in 1862, Mary Todd staged six White House seances in an attempt to communicate with him * The president attended only one of the meetings stating he just wanted to find out who was wasting his wife's money * Following her role as First Lady she was declared insane and institutionalized for a year.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-13-2008 02:50 PM                        Rated G the little woman The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-13-2008 03:10 PM                        Rated R Lorraine American observers in World War II monitoring Benito Mussolini's radio addresses were puzzled by the fact that he consistently referred to FDR simply as "Delano." The mystery was soon cleared up by Italian speakers, who gracisouly explained that "Del Ano" is Italian for "of the anus."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-16-2008 10:50 AM                        Rated G Andrew I'm sick and tired of people who say that if you debate and disagree with this administration, somehow you're not patriotic. We need to stand up and say we're Americans, and we have the right to debate and disagree with any administration.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-16-2008 10:52 AM                        Rated G Charles At a university job fair, I bumped into one of my school's guidance counsellors. "I can't seem to find a career that intrigues me," I said. "What are your interests?" he asked. "I like to take things apart," I said, "but I hate putting them back together." "Son, replied the advisor, "you ought to consider politics."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-17-2008 02:59 PM                        Rated G the little woman I'm sure you know the advantage of having a woman as president. No wars, but every 28 days we have REALLY intense negotiation.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2008 01:40 PM                        Rated G Gerry President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq, and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, "I know you're there, pick up, pick up."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2008 01:01 PM                        Rated G B.B. "Among the people rumored to be a possibility for John McCain's vice-presidential running mate is 51-year-old Florida Governor Charlie Crist and surprisingly not his brother, Jesus Crist" -- Seth Meyers  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2008 05:41 PM                        Rated G Charles At Gettyburg, Edward Everett spoke for close to two hours, while Lincoln took up only a couple of minutes. Afterward, Everett took Lincoln's hand and said: "My speech will soon be forgotten; yours never will be. How gladly would I exchange my hundred pages for your twenty lines."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2008 05:10 PM                        Rated G Lorraine One afternoon in 1911, Woodrow Wilson, then serving as New Jersey's governor, received news of the unexpected death of a New Jersey senator (and close personal friend). While still recovering from the shock, he received a call from another prominent state politician. "Governor," the man declared, "I would like to take the senator's place." "It's perfectly agreeable to me," Wilson replied, "if it's agreeable to the undertaker."  |  IP: Logged

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