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Author
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Topic: Political Humor
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 05-17-2006 09:37 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Lorraine
Presidents Coolidge and Taft were both big nap-takers. Coolidge was Warren Harding's vice president when Harding died suddenly on August 3,1923.
Coolidge was then sworn in as president by his father, the justice of the peace in Plymouth, Vermont.
As president, Coolidge got plenty of sleep, sometimes as much as eleven hours a day. Taft, on the other hand, often embarrassed those around him by slumbering off. He fell asleep at cabinet meetings, White House dinners, church sermons, and funerals. Once he even dozed off in an open car during a campaign tour in New York City. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-14-2006 08:47 AM
Rated G
On a Saturday afternoon,in Washington, D. C.,Senator John Kerry's campaign manager visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral. He told the Cardinal that John Kerry would be attending the next day's sermon,and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Kerry to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Kerry a saint.
The Cardinal replied,"No,I don't really like the man, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Kerry's views."
Kerry's manager then said,"Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Kerry as a saint"
The Cardinal thought about it and said,"Well, the church can use the money,so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."
As Kerry's manager promised,Senator Kerry appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated himself prominently at the edge of the main aisle. And,during the sermon,as promised,the Cardinal pointed out that Senator Kerry was present.
Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation,"While Senator Kerry's presence is probably an honor to some,he is not my favorite person.Some of his views are contrary to those of the church, and he tends to flip-flop on many other views.John Kerry is a petty,self absorbed hypocrite and a nit-wit.John Kerry is a liar,a cheat,and a thief.John Kerry is the worst example of a Catholic I've ever personally witnessed.He turned on hisbuddies in Vietnam. He wrote a book and portrayed himself in the best light when he was a traitor to his fellow servicemen. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in for a medal.He married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. He also has a reputation for shirking his senatorial obligations both here,in Washington and in Massachusetts.He simply isn't to be trusted."
The Cardinal completed his view of Kerry with,"But,when compared to Senator Ted Kennedy, Senator Kerry is a saint."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 12-07-2006 04:22 PM
Rated XXX Ed in Aurora, Ont.
OSAMA & THE GENIE
While trying to escape through Pakistan,Osama Bin Laden found a Bottle on a beach and picked it up.
Suddenly,a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said "Master, may I grant you one wish?"
"You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything" barked Bin Laden.
The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."
Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you!"
The annoyed genie said, "So be it !" and disappeared.
The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding,and Hillary Clinton.
His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.
God is good! Amen.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 12-14-2006 08:44 AM
Rated G Ed in Aurora, Ont.
Andy Rooney said on "60 Minutes" a few weeks back:
I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America.
Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?
I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.
When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!
My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.
I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.
We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.
I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor.
I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!
I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else
And if you don 't like my point of view, tough...
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!
I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having "In God We Trust" on our money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Shut Up and BE QUIET!!!
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