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Author Topic: Political Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-24-2006 04:42 PM                        Rated G "Congress may pass a law that would result in TV networks that broadcast indecency being even more stiffly penalized. In fact, it is going to cost us 500 more bucks because I said stiffly penalized." --Craig Ferguson  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-28-2006 07:34 AM                        Rated G "The FBI is investigating Americans -- just for opposing the war. You know, maybe when we're done establishing a democracy in Iraq, we could try it over here. Stop, I don't want to get investigated, don't applaud!" -- Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-28-2006 07:37 AM                        Rated G "Snap! Censure! A moral condemnation of the president so severe it's only happened once before to President Andrew Jackson, who was never heard from again. Oh, wait [picture of the $20 bill]." --Jon Stewart, on Sen. Russ Feingold's motion to censure President Bush  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-29-2006 08:38 AM                        Rated G "In front of a crowd in Florida this past weekend, Al Gore said that, "The people of the United States are going to stand up and take our country back." And then the manager of the karaoke bar took the microphone away and said, "Either sing or sit down buddy." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 09:25 AM                        Rated G "In Florida a 96-year-old woman is running for mayor. When asked if she knew who she was running against, she said, "Time." --Conan O'Brien  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 09:26 AM                        Rated G "President Bush's daughter Jenna has a new boyfriend and everybody in Washington is asking who's the lucky designated driver?" --Craig Ferguson  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-31-2006 01:35 PM                        Rated G Andrew George Washington never told a lie, because in those days, presidents didn't hold press conferences.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2006 11:38 AM                        Rated G B.B. There are four kinds of people: Those who know not, and know not that they know not. These are foolish. Those who know not, and know they know not. These are the simple, and should be instructed. Those who know, and know not that they know. These are asleep; wake them. Those who know, and know they know. These are the wise; listen to them.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2006 08:30 AM                        Rated G Andrew We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2006 12:48 PM                        Rated G Andrew Patriotism is when love of your own people comes first; nationalism, when hate for people other than your own comes first.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2006 01:15 PM                        Rated G “Democracy, which is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder, and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequals alike “ ...Plato  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-07-2006 07:40 AM                        Rated G Andrew A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle; and patriotism is loyalty to that principle.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-12-2006 02:37 PM                        Rated G Andrew Politicians are like ships: noisiest when lost in a fog.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-12-2006 07:30 PM                        Rated G THE NEXT G8 SUMMIT, due to be held in St. Petersburg, is causing concern in Washington. The group first met in France as the G6 in 1975 before adding Canada in 1976 -- and then Russia in 1998. Though President Bush has seen Vladimir Putin's soul, others are worried or even calling for a boycott, having belatedly noticed that the host country is neither a major economic power nor a leading democracy. Putin On A Blitz [ Puttin' On The Ritz ] From the album One Bush, Two Bush, Old Bush, New Bush At the 1994 Winter Games, back when Michelle Kwan was an alternate, injuries to American figure skaters didn't just come from training. A month before the Olympics began, Tonya Harding's husband, Jeff Gillooly, arranged an attack on teammate Nancy Kerrigan's knee. Kerrigan recovered and skated to a silver medal, while Harding finished eighth. Breaking Knees Is Hard To Do [ Breaking Up Is Hard To Do ] WHEN JACK ABRAMOFF boasted about his connections to the president, he wasn't kidding. You can see them together in Time -- if you have really, really good eyes. The lobbyist said in e-mail messages that he had been invited to the ranch in Crawford and more recently to go quail hunting with Cheney. Abramoff pleaded guilty to conspiracy, mail fraud and tax evasion, and he's expected to help investigators follow the trail to Congress. The House That Jack Bribed  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2006 10:48 AM                        Rated G Can you believe it? Monica Lewinsky turned 31 this week. It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees. They grow up so fast.  |  IP: Logged

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