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Author Topic: Political Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-24-2006 10:38 AM                        Rated G The latest telephone poll of randomly selected residents taken by the Governors of Texas, Arizona, New Mexico and California yielded results on whether or not people who live in these states think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 41% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem." 59% of respondents answered: "No es un problema serio."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-27-2006 06:13 AM                        Rated G Found this on the Web - Bob How to tell a Democrat from a Republican during the Holiday Season by John Carlson And you thought you could tell Republicans from Democrats by how they vote. Not so! Just observe how they act during the holidays: Republican say "Merry Christmas!" Democrats say "Happy Holidays!" Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army. Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street. Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws. Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine. Democrats ask for egg nog. When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog. Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television. Democrats do a lot of their shopping at Costco and WalMart. So do Republicans, but they don't admit it. Democrats give their children gifts that make a political statement. Republicans give their children gifts that will keep them out of their hair. Republican parents have no problem buying their kids toy guns. Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls. Republicans spend hundreds of dollars and hour of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays. Democrats save their time and money and drive around at night to enjoy the scenery. Democrats favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street." Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life." Right-Wing Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "Diehard". Republican always take the price tag off any expensive gifts they buy before wrapping. Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts.... and reposition them them to make sure they are seen. Republicans wear wide red ties and green sport jackets during the festive season. Democrats do too, all year round. Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas Cards. Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again. Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Deck the Halls". Young Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Republicans favorite Christmas song is " White Christmas." Young Republicans favorite Christmas song is "White Christmas". Cheapskate Republican buy an artificial Christmas tree. Tightfisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices. Democratic men like to watch football while their wives, girlfriends or mothers fix holiday meals. On this, Republicans are in full agreement. Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play "Cowboys and Indians". Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians get to win. Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus... Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus...  |  IP: Logged Sam Garlopis Film Handler Posts: 1 From: Visalia, California, United States Registered: Jan 2007 posted 01-03-2007 03:30 AM                     ,  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2007 10:31 AM                        Rated G B.B. There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2007 10:40 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Ask five economists a question and, it is said, you will receive six different answers. Unsurprisingly, Harry Truman, like every president, often had difficulty extracting useful information from his economic advisors. "All my economists say, 'on the one hand... and on the other hand...'" Truman once cried. "Someone give me a one-handed economist!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2007 08:10 AM                        Rated G Denny in Yonkers Click below: http://www.greetingcards.com/pickup?ID=A222-A256-JK3H-YCR  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-03-2007 09:21 PM                        Rated G The Joker Senator Hillary Clinton called for President Bush to begin pulling troops out of Iraq this year. And let me tell you something, when it comes to telling a president when to pull out, no one has more experience than Hillary Clinton. Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2007 03:09 PM                        Rated G B.B. "Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards -- you know, the man who always says there are two Americas -- is moving into a brand new, $6 million, 28,000-square foot home on 102 acres. Well, I think we know which America he's living in." - Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-11-2007 08:40 AM                        Rated G Sandy in San Diego Help Understanding Democrat Tax Refunds If you don't understand the Democrats' version of tax refunds, maybe this will help explain it: 50,000 people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out.A refund was then due. The team was about to mail refunds when a group of Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out the ticket refunds based on the Democrat National Committee's interpretation of fairness. Originally the refunds were to be paid based on the price each person had paid for the tickets. Unfortunately that meant most of the refund money would be going to the ticket holders that had purchased the most expensive tickets. This,according to the DNC, is considered totally unfair. A decision was then made to pay out the refunds in this manner: People in the $10 seats will get back $15. After all, they have less money to spend on tickets to begin with. Call it an "Earned Income Ticket Credit." Persons "earn" it by having few skills, poor work habits, and low ambition, thus keeping them at entry-level wages. People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because it "seems fair." People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund. After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, they must not be paying enough taxes. People in the $75 luxury box seats will each have to pay an additional $25 because it's the "right thing to do." People walking past the stadium that couldn't afford to buy a ticket for the game each will get a $10 refund, even though they didn't pay anything for the tickets. They need the most help. Now do you understand? If not, contact Representative Nancy Pelosi, Senator Ted Kennedy, Senator John Kerry or Senator Hillary Clinton for assistance.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-13-2007 07:47 AM                        Rated G Andrew A politician is a person who shakes your hand before election and your confidence after.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-19-2007 09:28 AM                        Rated G "Famous designer Donatella Versace has recommended that Hillary Clinton stop wearing those pant suits and start wearing dresses and skirts. Versace said Hillary should treat femininity as an opportunity. You know, the way Bill does." -- Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-25-2007 03:45 PM                        Rated G Drew Saudi Arabia is cracking down on terrorism. They've made a list of all know terrorists, which is basically their phonebook.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2007 09:25 AM                        Rated G "In the latest count, there are now 25 politicians running for president -- and 15 of them also claim to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby." - Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-27-2007 02:07 PM                        Rated G B.B. "We have another presidential candidate. Mitt Romney is running on the Republican ticket. If you're anything like me, you don't know Mitt Romney from Roma Downey. ... I really like his campaign slogan. Have you seen it? 'Mitt Happens'" - Jimmy Kimmel  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-16-2007 12:11 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Harry Truman was once asked by a young student how he might get started in politics. "You've already started," Truman replied. "You're spending somebody else's money, aren't you?"  |  IP: Logged

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