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Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Two
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-08-2003 07:44 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) ................Lorraine
Peter's list of truths in car advertisements
What the advertisements said versus what it really means
--------------------------------------------------------
needs minor work = needs significant work
needs nothing = except a tow truck
easy project car = completely disassembled, bring many boxes
minor rust = don't sit down!
minor rust = major rust you can’t see...
low mileage = only 170,000
convertible = after driving under truck
runs great = too bad it doesn’t roll
alarm = wires are cut to sell stolen
nice stereo = to overcome exhaust noise
needs paint = to cover rust
new paint = beautifully covers rust
fully loaded = seller is too
all options = 8-track player
only 59,000 miles = actually 359,000 miles
rare model = one of 500,000 made
must sell = before the law finds seller
must sell = need bail money
summer fun = roof leaks in winter
summer fun = won't make it to fall
reliable = don't leave the neighborhood
daily driver = 400 miles a day
only driven Sundays = Sunday is race day
engine rebuilt = engine degreased to look it
doesn’t smoke = no oil to burn, or 90wt oil
trans. rebuilt = fine sawdust used to make it quiet
4 speed gearbox = 5th gear is dead
hurry, won't last = neither will car
new tires = retreads years ago
well maintained = oil changed every other leap year
drives like dream = nightmare
car cover = to help keep out rats
always garaged = embarrassed to leave it outside
family owned = driven by 6 teenagers
fully restored = nothing original
smog exempt = DMV doesn't think so
tags till next year = stolen year sticker
moving, must sell = off to jail, need bail money. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-08-2003 07:52 AM
Rated PG ...............Becky
The Chapters of Life
*****
"The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and
obsolesence." --Art Linkletter
"Childhood:The time of life when you make funny faces in the mirror. Middle age:The time of life when the mirror gets even."
--Mickey Mansfield
"I was always taught to respect my elders and I've reached the age
where I don't have to respect anybody." --George Burns
"He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front." --Milton Berle
"She was so old, when she went to school they didn't have History." --Rodney Dangerfield
"I don't let old age bother me.There are three signs of old age. Loss of memory... I forget the other two." --Red Skelton
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around the middle."
--Bob Hope
"I refuse to admit that I'm more than fifty-two,even if that does
make my sons illegitimate." --Lady Astor
"As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative Mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am."
--Erma Bombeck
***
And finally, the plastic surgery...
"This [the facelift] is the procedure wherein the plastic surgeon perks up your face by standing behind you,pulling your skin back on both sides of your head until the front is nice and tight, and then attaching the flaps of excess skin to the back of your head with a staple gun. Sure it stings,but the visual effect is stunning, as you are miraculously transformed from a person with bags and wrinkles into a person whose eyes appear to be just slightly too far apart.In fact,if you get repeated facelifts, your eyes will gradually migrate around to the side of your head, carp-like, and you will experience a real bonus in the peripheral-vision department." --Dave Barry
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-08-2003 12:35 PM
Rated G ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) AJ Sullivan in CT.
YEAR OF 1902
Thought's to boggle your mind!
The year is 1902 ... one hundred years ago ... what a difference a century makes!
Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1902:
The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 14 Percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st-mostpopulous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist$2,500 per year, veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.
Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead,they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.
The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma,New Mexico, Hawaii, and
Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30.
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist,"Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
18 percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.
Just think what it will be like in another 100nyears. ......It boggles the mind.....
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