I have corrected some titles to match the actual title as printed on the singles. Some of you old-timers take the original list posted above and see if you can give actual titles for some! That was a neat post!

Format is

Artist, Billboard Country Chart Entry Date (YYYY/MM/DD), Record Company/Single Number

>20. I Keep Forgettin I Forgot About You

Wynn Stewart, 1965/10/16, Capitol 5485

>17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight,

Charlie Walker, 1967/11/04, Epic 10237

>15. I'm So Miserable Without You

Billy Walker, 1965/09/25, (flip side of "If It Pleases You"), Columbia 43327

>8. Please Bypass This Heart

Jimmy Buffett, 1986/02/08, MCA 52752

>5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly

Two versions!

L.E. White and Lola Jean Dillon, 1977/11/26, Epic 50474

Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn, 1978/06/24, (flip side of "From Seven Till Ten"), MCA 40920

>4. If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me

Jimmy Buffett, 1985/09/07, MCA 52664

>3. She's Actin Single (I'm Drinkin Doubles)

Gary Stewart, 1975/03/08, RCA 10222

>2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

Could be "She's Lookin' Better By The Minute", Jay Lee Webb, 1969/02/01, Decca 32430

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete
the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore
loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."

Please join me in remembering a great icon, the veteran Pillsbury spokesman. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Buttersworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisens, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. As a long time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart "cookie", wasting much of his dough on half baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

A computer that won't go down.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now count the F's in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE.; do not go back and count them again. Then see below...

Answer:

There are six F's in the sentence.

A person of average intelligence finds three of them. If you spotted four, you are above average. If you got five, you can turn your nose at anybody. If you caught six, you are a genius. There is no catch. Many people forget the "Of's. The human brain sees them as V's and not F's. Pretty weird.

It can buy you a house
But not a home

It can buy you a bed
But not sleep

It can buy you a clock
But not time.

It can buy you a book
but not knowledge

It can buy you a position
But not respect

It can buy you medicine
but not health

It can buy you blood
but not life

It can buy you sex
but not love.

After 6 children this got to be expensive, so the congregation deceided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi's pay situation. As you can well imagine, there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God." he said.

In the Back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said, "Point of information - snow and rain are also acts of God but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers".

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or my place?
Woman: Both, you go to your place, I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey Baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do Not Enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Underfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the earth for you.
Woman: But would you stay there.

The Beer Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as I am in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
and lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer,
The bitter and the lager,
Forever and ever,
Barmen.

Mark @ GTS

Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get out of here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

The teacher said, "Who said four score and seven years ago?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln." "That's right Susie, you can go."
Johnny was mad. The teacher said, "Who said, I have a dream?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luthor King." The teacher said, "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny was even madder than before, Mary answered first. The teacher asked, "Who said 'ask not, what your country can do for you'?". Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". That's right Nancy, you can go. Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Nancy answered first. Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut."
The teacher asked, "Who said, that? Johnny said," BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"

Husband: Can we try a new position tonight?

Made her chain too long.

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?

He decided to stick it out for one more year.

When is a pixie not a pixie?

When she's got her head down an elf's pants, then she's a goblin.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids!

What happened to the survivors of a collision between a red ship and a black ship?

They were marooned.

What did the egg in the monastery say?

Ah, well, out of the frying pan and into the friar.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.