SALISBURY, Md. - A 10-year-old boy has been charged with assault for allegedly snapping girls' bras.

The Pittsville Elementary pupil, was accused of assaulting five girls, ages 8 to 11, earlier this month.

He was suspended from school for three days.

The boy was charged with four counts of assault for allegedly snapping girls' bras and one count of sex offense for allegedly touching a girl's buttocks.

Tokyo commuter Katsuo Katugoru caused havoc on a crowded tube train when his inflatable underpants unexpectedly went off.

The rubber underwear was made by Katsuo himself, and designed to inflate to 30 times their original size in the event of a tidal wave.

"I am terrified of water, and death by drowning is my greatest fear" said Katsuo, 48. "Unfortunately I set them off accidently while looking for a boiled sweet on a rush hour train. They were crushing everybody in the carriage until a passenger stabbed them with a pencil."

A man walks into a bar and sits down at the back.

He tells the bartender to bring him two shots.

When the bartender brings the man his drinks, the guy downs one and pours the other into his hand.

The bartender thinks this is strange but doesnt say anything.

The man orders two more shots, again he downs one and pours the other into his hand.

The third time the guy does this, the bartender asks, "Man, why do you drink one shot and pour the other into your hand?"

Another Stupid Thief

In a small town in California, a burglar robbed a small bank in broad daylight.

After this he lead the police on a high speed chase for several hours down the interstate. In the middle of this the car suddenly stopped running, it apparently ran out of gas.

Once the car rolled to a stop the burglar got out and pushed the car in attempt to avoid the police.

Computer Terminology

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."

Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.

GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced "gooey")

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

A woman wanted to have bigger boobs, so she went to the doctor's office.

While in the doctor's office she met a guy and they talked for a while, then the doctor called her in.

After hearing what she wanted done, he gave her boob-balloons and told her, "Put them on and when ever you want them to get bigger flap your arms."

So she left the doctors office feeling very happy.

That night she decided to go to a bar to show off her new boobs.

She flapped her arms and made her boobs the size she wanted. In the bar a guy came up to her and said, "I remember you."

So she asked, "From where?"

Three kids on a playground in fifth grade are bored and want to play a new game:

Jew: Im bored.

Italian: Lets play compare the penis.

Redneck: What's that?

Italian: We whip ours out and whoever has the biggest penis wins.

Jew: Ok. Sure.So the jew whips his out.

Italian Wow thats pretty big!

Jew: Thanks

Then the Italian boy whips his out

Jew : Well that's pretty big.

Redneck: Yea its bigger than yours.

Italian: Ok its your turn red.

So now the redneck whips his out.

Italian: WHOA!! That's the biggest most girth penis I've ever seen!

Jew: It must be because you're a redneck!

The redneck starts to cry and goes home.

Later his mother asks what he did at school today.

Redneck mom: How was your day?

Rednick: I learned how to read and we played a new game called compare the penis.

Redneck mom: Did you win

Redneck: Yea, mom they said its cause I'm a redneck is that true?

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform.

He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "This is all in your mind" and refers him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits to the shrink, he confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witchdoctor.

The witchdoctor says, "I can cure this." He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witchdoctor says "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks the witchdoctor "What happens when it's over?" The witchdoctor says "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned; it will not work again for a year!"

The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123," and suddenly he gets an erection.

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick.

When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it.

He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm.

They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

Men Vs Women

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

Hair Cuts

Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman1: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable, and you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Another Stupid...stupid....

Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"

Vocabulary: Female vs. Male

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, home run,or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Anything that can be done while drinking

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.