One day some rabbits got together and discussed the problem about cars.

Last week alone 6 rabbits had been killed by them.

All the rabbits dicussed it and came up with nothing that could sort the problem.

The rabbit leader said that they would just have to be more careful crossing the road.

Then, two little rabbits came up and said, 'what we do when we see a car coming, is in-line ourselves with the middle of the headlights and duck down, that way the car just goes straight over the top of us.'

The rabbit leader thought about this and said, 'we shall all go out and test this for a week and then return here to discuss how well it worked.

Anyway a week later all the rabbits returned except the leader. They waited and waited but he did not come.

Then the second leader came in and said, 'well it was Tuesday evening and we were testing out the method. I lined myself with the car zooming towards me and ducked, the car went straight over the top.

Three bulls are in the pasture complaining. They've heard a rumor that the farmer is bringing in a new bull, and they aren't happy about sharing any of their cows.

The Alpha bull says, "You know, since we settled our differences and split up the cows, I've been pretty happy with MY 120 cows. I am not about to share any of MY cows with this new bull."

The second toughest bull says, "Yeah, well I ended up with only 60 cows, so I can't afford to share any of MY cows."

The youngest bull says, "I may only be half as big as you guys, but I'm still a teenager. I'm already climbing the walls with just 20 cows."

Suddenly a huge, black tractor-trailer pulls into the yard. The entire trailer contains just one animal - the biggest, baddest bull you ever saw. He weighs 3,000 pounds and has horns four feet long. As the new bull strolls down the gangplank, the
two-inch thick metal plates actually sag under his weight.

Suddenly the former Alpha bull is a bit more flexible, "Well, maybe I could spare a FEW cows."

The second toughest bull says, "Maybe if I hide in the corner of the pasture, he'll leave me alone."

But the small, teenage bull is snorting, pawing the ground and shaking his fledgling horns in an extremely confrontational way.

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted with a huge, mean bear.

In all his fears, his attempt to shoot the bear was unsuccessful.

He turned away and started to run as fast as he could.

Finally, he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.

But, he got on his knees, opened his arms and said, "My God! Please give this bear some religion!"

Then, there was a lightning in the air and the bear stopped just a few feet short of the hunter.

The bear was puzzled and looked up in the air and said, "My God!

An explorer was flying over Africa and his plane crashed.

Luckily a witch doctor came and found him and brought him back to his village.

When the explorer became conscious again the witch docter told the explorer,

"I have some good news and some bad news." So the explorer says,

"Well, whats the bad news?"

"The bad news is that in the plane crash you lost your eye, your arm, and your dingy."

The explorer asks, "Whats the good news?"

I am a animal transplanter and when you were unconscious I trasplanted animal parts to you."

The explorer asks, "Is there any way I can thank you???" "Just check in with me in 2 weeks."

When the explorer goes back to see the witch docter he says, "I love this eye I can see a sparrow scratching his ass 40 yards away!! what is it???"

"That eye would be an eagle eye."

"Oh I love it. And this arm I can lift a car with this arm!!! What is it???"

"That's a gorilla arm." "I like this one too.

There is only one thing wrong about the dingy you gave me."

Well what seems to be the problem?" "You see, I love it, the ladies love it, but it keeps shoving grass up my ass?? What is it???"

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

One day Little Red Riding Hood was going to visit Grandma.

On the way she met Mickey Mouse. He asked her where she was going.?

She said "I'm going to visit grandma."

He said "You don't want to do that because the wolf is waiting on you. And he's going to rip your little red dress off, & rip your little red shoes off and rape you till your little red socks come off."

She said "Oh, no he's not, because I have a gun!"

And she went on her way and then met Goofy.

He also asked her where she was going?

She said "I'm going to visit grandma." He said "You don't want to do that because the wolf is waiting on you. And he's going to rip your little red dress off, & rip your little red shoes off and rape you till your little red socks come off."

She said "Oh, no he's not, because I have a gun!"

Well, when she got to Grandma's house and knocked on the door, the wolf answered, "Who is it?"

She said, "It's me Little Red Riding Hood. "He said "oh, good, I've been waiting for you." He opened the door and said "Now I'm going to rip your little red dress off, & rip your little red shoes off and rape you till your little red socks come off."

One night, a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse.

Fascinated, he gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door, where there was a large female German shepherd dog, with which the mouse repeated his amazing performance.

The fellow, very excited by this time, was dying to show someone his discovery.

He rushed home and woke up his wife; but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed and covered her head with the blankets. :

A team of detectives arrived at the business executive's New York penthouse apartment and were admitted by a butler.

"Mr James," one told the businessman, "we have some good news and some bad news about your missing wife."

"You'd better give me the bad news first."

"We found her floating face down in the East River this afternoon with eight large lobsters clinging to her body."

"Oh, poor Sandra," the man sighed. "What's the good news?

Do you know where you get virgin wool from.

Ugly Sheep.

A man is driving through the country.

Just as it's getting dark his front left tire goes flat, and he is without a spare. He walks up to the nearest house and asks to spend the night.

Thefarmer, being a generous soul, says, "Sure thing, but only on one condition. I'll be putting you in the same bed as my daughter, but I don't want you touching her. So I'm going to put a row of eggs between the two of you to make sure there's no messing about."

The man sees no problem with this, and the farmer treats him to dinner.

The daughter is there, and the man sees that she is the most beautiful woman that he has ever seen. He can't keep his eyes off her, and she can't keep her eyes off him.

That night, they make wild passionate love on the bed, breaking eggs and spilling yolk everywhere.

In order to fool the farmer, the man and the farmer's daughter come up with a plan. It takes all night, but they manage to get all of the eggs glued back together by sunrise. They then fall asleep, exhausted. The next morning the farmer wakes them up and collects the eggs.He goes into the kitchen and proceeds to make breakfast. Thef armer cracks the first egg... nothing. He cracks the second egg... nothing. By this time the farmer's face is getting red.He cracks a third egg... nothing.

A ONE BAGGER

The Atlanta Zoo had a female gorilla.

This female gorilla was really getting horny and the zoo had no one to take care of her.

One day they decided to advertise in the paper for someone who would "take care" of this female gorilla. They started at $200.00 but got no response.

Finally, at $1000.00 a guy answered the ad. The guy looked at the gorilla and told the zoo keeper that he would do it, if, they would put a bag over the gorilla's head. The zoo keeper agreed.

So they put a bag over the gorilla's head and the guy got into the cage. Well this gorilla was extremely horny. She grabbed the guy and started making love to him every way you could imagine. They were bouncing off the walls, up and down the cage, making love wildly. All of a sudden the guy started yelling at the top of his voice,

"Get it off! Get it off! So the attendants jumped in the cage and pulled the gorilla off.

A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck.

A drunk staggered up to her and said ,"Hey! where'd ja get the pig?"

The woman replied," You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!"

An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him.

He dives down and eats the mouse.

After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt.

Proceeding to look around the mouse says Tail gunner to pilot...Tail gunner to pilot..

The eagle says what do you want.

The mouse asks how high up they are.

The eagle thinks for a moment and then says oh! about 5,000 ft.

The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

20 Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.

19 Fetch command not available on all platforms.

18 Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.

17 Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.

16 Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."

15 Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

14 Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.

13 Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.

12 Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.

11 Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.

10 Oh, but they WILL... ...with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

9 Three words: Corpal Paw Syndrome

8 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...

7 Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

6 SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.

5 SIT & STAY were hard enough, GREP & AWK are out of the question!

4 Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.

3 Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.

2 Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dog's Don't Use Computers....

A salesman comes up to a farmer in his barnyard. Next to the farmer is a pig with three legs.

As the pig hobbles around, the salesman says to the farmer, "That's terrible! Why don't you put that pig out of his misery?"

The farmer drew a deep breath and said, "Let me tell you about that pig. One night, my house caught fire and that pig ran through the house, woke everybody up and got us out safely."

"That's no reason to let him suffer!", said the salesman.

"That's true", said the farmer. "But there's more. One day, my tractor flipped over. That pig ran back to the house and got help for me. He saved my life."

"I'm sure he's very talented", said the salesman, "But look at him. He can hardly walk. Why don't you just take him to a vet and have him put to sleep?"

Penguin's car has been running rough for weeks, so he finally decides to take it in and have a mechanic check it out.

"Can you have a look at this? It's running really rough," he says.

"No problem," replies the mechanic. "But I won't be able to get around to it for a half-hour."

Rather than sitting in the shop's rather unpleasant waiting room, Penguin decides to take a stroll down the street, where he happens upon an ice cream shop. Not having eaten all day, he orders a triple scoop of vanilla, which he consumes with reckless abandon.

"Man, that was good," Penguin says to himself with a mess of ice cream dripping off his beak.

When Penguin arrives back at the shop, the mechanic greets him with the bad news.
"It looks like you blew a seal," he says, nodding his head.