The Top 15 Advertising Catch Phrases That Didn't Catch On

15 We do chickens, right?

14 Come for the goat cheese. Stay for the pig's feet!

13 And bring your red-assed baboon!

12 A chestful o' carcinoma in every puff!

11 A wipe so clean you could eat between them!

10 Find a roach, win a bike!

9 Ding-dong... Diarrhea's here!

Jack's secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."

"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" Jack whined.

"Tell me some good news for once."

Uptown Willie applied for a job in an office.

After the interview, he left and hooked up with his homies.

One asked, "How'd it go?"

Uptown answered, "First part was smooth. But den she wanted to see my testimonials.

After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had
gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

Dividing into 10 groups of three, the only rule was they had to use past ad slogans that captured the essence ofViagra. About 7 minutes later they turned in their
suggestions and created a "Top Ten List."

After all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.

10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra, Like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Tastes great!....More filling!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large firm. The previous CEO met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes: #1, #2, and #3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn, and Morris was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope.

The message read, "Blame your predecessor."Morris, the new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick upand the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize."

This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

Corporate Growth

In the beginning there was the Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the workers.

And the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying, "This is a crock full of shit and it stinks."

And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide it's strength."

And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It : promotes growth and it is! very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that is was good.

And the Plan became Policy.

And that, my friends, is how shit happens.

When the man asked his widower father why he'd married a young nymphomaniac whom he could never satisfy, instead of a woman his own age, the old man said:

A middle-aged executive was becoming increasingly irritated by the constant ribbing he was taking from the junior employees who couldn't resist making fun of his baldness.

One morning, a particularly brash trainee had the gall to run his hand across the older man's gleaming head while loudly exclaiming: "Feels just like my wife's ass."

According to the papers, K-Mart stock has dropped 11% because of bad reports by stock analysts.

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked.

Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?"

"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.

It was nearly 7 o'clock when an employee walked into a
restaurant after working overtime for a demanding and
demeaning supervisor. As he was being led to his table,
he noticed his supervisor at another table arguing with
the waiter about his order. Finally, the waiter turned
and headed toward the bar.
As he was returning to the supervisor's table with a
drink, the employee stopped him saying,
"Here's $20.00 in it if you will spit in that drink."

While vacationing in the hills of Alabama, the big city man discovered that he had no writing paper at all
for his personal correspondence.

He went into the small town nearby and found only an old-fashioned country store. Behind the counter was a really nice looking young lass, quite obviously a
local farm girl.

He asked, "Do you keep stationery?"

"Well," she giggled, "I can...until I have an orgasm, then I just go plain wild and crazy!"

A woman in our town retired after many years as a sales clerk at a local department store.

Wishing to plan ahead, she discussed her memorial arrangments with a funeral-director colleague of my husband.

"When the time comes," she stated, "I want my casket to be closed during the service."

Curious, the funeral-director asked why she was so adamant about this.