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Author Topic: Family Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2008 09:08 PM                        Rated G Philip I took my 5 year old son, Jeremy, out to McDonald's for dinner one evening for a "guy night". As we were eating our hamburgers, Jeremy asked "Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?" I responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat. He was quiet for a couple of minutes and I could tell he was in deep thought. Finally, Jeremy looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-24-2008 09:05 AM                        Rated G the little woman Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine." Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. 'Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far." Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little snot is adorable.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-24-2008 12:16 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy voice, I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech. "Mom, this is Peggy and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?" Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had misdialed. "I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Peggy." "Gosh, Mom," came the young woman's voice, "I didn't think you'd be this mad!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2008 08:51 AM                        Rated G Vicky With fire alarms blaring at my mom's apartment complex, she grabbed her favorite bathing suit and ran out. "A bathing suit?" I said later. "Of all the priceless things in that apartment, that's what you chose to save?" "Material things come and go," she said. "But a one-piece suit that doesn't make you look fat is impossible to replace.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-26-2008 04:26 PM                        Rated G Steve Old Uncle Paddy passed away, and it was up to young Robert to wire the message back home to Glasgow. The cheapest price he could find was ten words for three dollars. The message reads as follows: UNCLE PADDY DIED YESTERDAY. NO PAIN. SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-27-2008 10:10 AM                        Rated G You can give your teenage son your car for his date, you can give him a bonus allowance for his date, you can give him your brand new sportjacket for his date, but you cannot tell him to "Have a good time." He will probably glare at you and say: "Don't tell me what to do." - Sam Levenson  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-28-2008 02:43 PM                        Rated G Lorraine We were camping with our three young children. After supper one evening my husband took our two small boys, Danny and Billy, fishing, while my daughter and I cleaned up the campsite. About an hour later Danny came running up from the lake screaming: “Mom! Mom! Billy caught a fish as long as his leg!” From a nearby campsite an interested voice called, “How big is Billy?”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-28-2008 02:44 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Our son asked my husband, Warren, if he could borrow some money to buy a car. Warren explained that borrowing money is a bad habit. "Son, I got my first motorcycle when I was 18, and with my own money! I got my first car at 23, and with my own money! And I got my second car when I got married, and with my own money!" At this point our son interjected excitedly, "So there's no problem...this car would be with your own money as well!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-03-2008 04:44 PM                        Rated G Lulu My wife and I were dining out with our children one evening. Our four-year-old son caught the eye of a woman at the next table who smiled at him, and he smiled back. When she got up to leave, we encouraged Joe to say goodbye. She leaned over and said, with a smile, "Good night, young man." Joe looked up at her, with an equally big smile, and said, "Good night, old lady."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-08-2008 12:05 PM                        Rated G Dave in Aurora, Ont. Grandpa's on the porch again A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch,in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. 'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. 'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, 'Well...last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-08-2008 08:33 PM                        Rated G Denny in Yonkers VISITING GRANDPA! This ought to make all grandpas feel warm and cozy ? A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa. When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grandpa's room. 'Grandpa, Grandpa,' he says excitedly, 'as soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!' 'What?' said his grandpa. 'Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're going to Disney World!!!'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-10-2008 04:27 PM                        Rated G Vicky The beauty of spacing children many years apart lies in the fact that parents have time to learn the mistakes that were made with the older ones, which permits them to make exactly the opposite mistakes with the younger ones.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-10-2008 04:34 PM                        Rated G Gerry A teen began dressing in black, baggy clothes, dyeing his hair, and wearing it spiked. When his best friend asked about his new image, the first teen confided, "I only have one reason for looking this way. It keeps my parents from making me go everywhere with them."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-10-2008 04:42 PM                        Rated G the little woman 25% of men kiss their wife good-bye when they leave their house. 99% of men kiss their house good-bye when they leave their wife.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-11-2008 11:45 AM                        Rated G Charles The first thing many a child learns when he receives a toy drum is that he will never get another.  |  IP: Logged

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