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Author Topic: Family Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2008 12:56 PM                        While stationed in Baghdad with the US Army's 5th. Infantry, a soldier watched, spellbound as a group of Iragi teenagers played ball (field) hockey in a bombed out street. One of the older boys was absolutely sensational. It was impossible to describe his skills with his stick and his unbelievable moves and scoring ability. Since the soldier was from Detroit, and being an avid Detroit Red Wings hockey fan, the soldier wrote a letter to the Red Wings scouting office encouraging them to take a look at the young "phenom". The Red Wings did more than just access his ability. They offered him a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to join their organization. They hired a private power-skating tutor to teach him how to skate. They hired a former NHL scoring champion to teach him puck control and skills with a hockey stick. The young Iraqi was an eager student and a quick study. He was a natural athlete. Within two years he was ready to join the Detroit Red Wings. Soon thereafter, the Wings were playing the Ottawa Senators. The Iraqi rookie sat on the bench for the first two periods. At the beginning of the third period, Ottawa was leading the game 4-0. The Detroit coach was desperate. "Hamid" he yelled. "Get on the ice". Incredibly, in the next 17 minutes, Hamid scored five of the most beautiful goals the coach had ever seen. Unbelievable!!! Detroit defeated Ottawa 5-4. As soon as Hamid came off the ice, he raced to a telephone and called his parents. "Mother", he cried breathlessly, "I played in my first NHL game today and scored five goals to win the game". "How was your day today?" In her thick Arabic accent she responded emotionally, "Son, it has been a terrible day. Your father was shot by an assault rifle and died this afternoon. Your brother Mohammed, was beaten badly by a gang of looters. Your young sister was kidnapped and raped by an deranged extremist... and son, you are playing games and I blame all of this tragedy on you." Hamid, was devastated, "But, Mother, why do you blame me?" She replied tersely "Because you're the one who moved our family to Detroit!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2008 07:42 PM                        Rated G Marty My eight-year-old grandson and his dad went out on the nearby bay to see the humpback whales. When they returned, he was excited at having been so close to the huge creatures. "How close were you?" I asked. He replied, "One came clear out of the water and sneezed on us!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2008 05:39 PM                        Rated G When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, 'I'm not sure.' 'Look in your underwear, Grandpa,' he advised. 'mine says I'm four to six.'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2008 04:48 PM                        Rated G Lorraine I guess you can get too health conscious... As a family, we don't keep "junk food" in the house. Once when my son was eating a snack at his grandparents' house, he asked his grandmother what vitamins they had in them. She responded that she doubted there were any at all. He replied wide-eyed, "You mean these are just for fun?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2008 02:44 PM                        Rated G TheWhiteRabbit Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-29-2008 04:24 PM                        Rated G Marty My high-school friends are turning 40 this year, and one invited us all to a retro party. I was telling my mom, who had taught most of us when we were teenagers and still pictured us that way, about our plans for an all-nighter, complete with wine and rock music. Mom listened raptly, then said in a concerned tone, "Will any adults be there?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-30-2008 03:44 PM                        Rated G Diana My aunt Sherri took her sons Max, three and Caleb, five to swim at the local public pool. They changed into their swimsuits and Sherri led them to the steps at the shallow end of the pool just as a group of elderly women were getting ready to swim some laps. Max stared curiously at them. "Mom" he said loudly, "How come those ladies have such big..." Sherri hurriedly clamped her hand over his mouth, afraid of what was coming next. "Goggles," came the muffled last word.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-31-2008 06:26 PM                        Rated G Lorraine On one of my parents’ trips into the city, an argument erupted when Dad became frustrated with Mom for constantly giving him directions. The drive home was made in silence until Dad commented on how long it seemed to be taking. Mom could hold back no longer. "That’s because you passed the turnoff five minutes ago," she said.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-12-2008 05:05 PM                        Rated G to X FARM FAMILY A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he 's a little pissed,so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well, his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-12-2008 05:13 PM                        Rated G Ed in Aurora, Ont. THOSE BORN 1920-1979 READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO. TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As infants &children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it wou ld happen, we did not poke out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good . While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?! The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: 'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?' For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this. For the rest of us...pass this ON!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-14-2008 09:32 AM                        Rated R The Maid asked for a raise: The Madam was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want an increase?" Maria: Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you. Madam: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "The Master said so." Madam: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Madam: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?" Maria: "The Master did." Madam: "Oh." Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you." Madam (very upset now): "Did the Master say so as well?" Maria: "No Madam, the gardener did." SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE..!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-12-2008 04:52 PM                        Rated G Lorraine My daughter is in the first grade and doing very well especially in spelling. A couple of weeks ago she came home with her new words and we were studying them for her upcoming test. We came to the word "knit" and I asked her to spell it. She said, "n-i-t". I said, "No, try again." She said, very slowly, "n-i-t". I said, "I know you know how to spell this word, try again." Very aggravated and verrrrry slowly (like I was just not getting the whole picture) she spelled, "N-I-T!" Finally I told her the correct spelling, k-n-i-t. She looked at me, hands on hips and said, "THE 'K' IS SILENT!!!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-13-2008 08:05 AM                        Rated G Lorraine While I was visiting a friend one afternoon, her ten-year-old son arrived home after a week at summer camp, dragging two huge laundry bags. "Mark," his mother exclaimed, "it will take me a whole day to wash all this!" "Well," he said reasonably, "it took me a whole week to get it dirty.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-13-2008 02:38 PM                        Rated G A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by his little girl, Shelby. She wanted to know what the United States looked like. Finally, he tore a sheet out of his new magazine on which was printed the map of the country. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Shelby and said, 'Go into the other room and see if you can put this together. This will show you our whole country today.' After a few minutes, Shelby returned and handed him the map correctly fitted and taped together. The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. 'Oh,' she said, 'on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got all of Jesus back where He belonged, then our country just came together.'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-13-2008 03:26 PM                        Rated G Charles A SON'S LETTER TO HIS FATHER Today I turned twenty-one, and I want to tell you some things, Papa: I know I've hurt you when we argue, but you've never hurt me back...because you've always loved me. I've come home late when you needed me, but you were never late when I needed you at shcool or at college...because you've always loved me. I used to take it lightly when you were ill, but you've been by my side when I was in sick...because you've always loved me. You have loved me unconditionally for these 21 years and I know you will until your final breath. Papa, I love you unconditionally too. You are my role model and my hero. Paul  |  IP: Logged

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