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Author Topic: Family Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-19-2007 09:33 AM                        Rated G B.B. I asked my nephew whether he bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes", he said, "I bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very nice of you", I replied, "I hope she appreciated the thought." He said, "So do I, and hopefully the vaccuum cleaner will work better now."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-23-2007 10:49 AM                        Rated G Marty On average, it's five years before a tree can produce nuts, but this obviously doesn't apply to a family tree.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2007 09:44 AM                        Rated G Becky Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them complained of family problems. Finally, the other man said, "You think you have family problems? Listen. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. "Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half- sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather! And you think you have family problems!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2007 08:57 AM                        Rated G Lorraine On a visit to Alaska my brother stopped the car at the crest of a hill overlooking a deep chasm and we got out. Across the gorge and up a steep bank was a grassy meadow where grizzlies often bask in the sun or dig parka squirrels out of their burrows. The meadow was quiet that day, to my relief, but I betrayed my fears when I remarked that a bear would have a long way to run, down into the gorge and up the slope, to get to us. "That's true," my brother said, "unless it came from behind." At that moment, Paul turned to look over his shoulder, gasped, and sprinted towards the car. Before I had time to react, he had the car door open, one foot in and was already driving away. "Don't leave me!" I yelled to my treacherous brother. Just then he straightened up from his crouched position half in and half out of the car. He looked at me incredulously before explaining, "I forgot to set the hand brake; the car was rolling down the hill."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2007 09:00 AM                        Rated G Lorraine One of my identical twin nine-year-old daughters wanted to try on a pair of sunglasses. There was no mirror nearby to help her make her selection, so she turned to her sister and said: "Here, Wanda, try these on. I want to see how they'd look on me."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-04-2007 08:57 AM                        Rated G Ken It's only when you grow up, and step back from your father, or leave him for your own career and your own home, it's only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-04-2007 09:01 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Soon after my husband retired as an elementary-school principal, he volunteered to take groups of schoolchildren on tours of the local museum. One morning when a teacher arrived with her third grade class, one boy said: “Oh, look! There's our old principal!” The teacher smiled up at my husband with a twinkle in her eye and remarked: "Didn't I tell you we'd see lots of old things at the museum?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-24-2007 12:10 PM                        Rated G Lorraine While my daughter, Courtney, was away at college, a new subdivision went up next to our neighborhood. An avid runner, Courtney decided to include it in her daily jogging route, and her first morning home, she laced up her running shoes and was out the door. As she entered the subdivision, she saw a little girl on a tricycle watching her mother plant flowers. Courtney returned the girl's big smile and wave as she ran by, and yelled, "Hi!" She did this each of the five times she ran around the development. As Courtney was passing for the sixth time, the girl turned to her mother. "Please, Mommy," she begged. "Make her stop!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-24-2007 12:11 PM                        Rated G Lorraine My five-year-old son, Adam, and I spend a lot of time playing school. One of our favorite activities is working on a puzzle map of the United States. As we complete the map, I often quiz Adam on the names of the different states. On one particular day, I asked him what country he lived in. Proudly he declared, "The United States of America Online."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2007 04:46 PM                        Rated G B.B. There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year- old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks. "I've just figured out how to tie my shoes." "Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognizes his victory in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus doubt: "You're growing up, but why are you crying?" "Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it every day for the rest of my life."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-27-2007 04:35 PM                        Rated G Lorraine As my six-year-old son presented me with a dandelion that had gone to seed, he said, "Mom, make a wish and blow off all the fluff." After I did, he asked what I wished for. "I wished that you will always be healthy." "Whew," he sighed in relief. "I thought you might have wished that I'd always be good."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-22-2007 03:14 PM                        Rated G Lorraine I bought new toothbrushes for the family and told my husband his was the blue one, and my daughter that hers was the purple one. The red one was mine. A few weeks later, I noticed my toothbrush was looking much more worn than the other two. So I asked my husband, “What color is your new toothbrush?” “Red,” he replied. “No it isn't,” my daughter piped up. “Mine's the red one!”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2007 09:03 AM                        Rated G George "Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son. When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-14-2007 03:17 PM                        Rated G Lorraine As I stood beside my car, a small dog wearing a bright red sweater ran up to me. His owners, fashionably attired, stopped to ask if the dog was bothering me. I answered no and told them how much I admired the dog's sweater. "Yes," replied the young lady, "isn't it handsome? His grandmother knit it for him."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-14-2007 03:25 PM                        Rated G Lorraine At a recent family gathering, we borrowed a karaoke machine, I asked my 70-year-old mother what song she'd like to hear. Her choice was “Unforgettable” by Nat “King” Cole. Three of us decided to give it a try. Afterwards, I wrapped my arms around mom and said sweetly, “We sang that because we love you.” “And I listened because I love you!” was mom's wry reply.  |  IP: Logged

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