Here's a really heart-warming story of the advances of women in achieving equality throughout the world.....

Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that?women customarily walked about nine feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that themen now walked many yards behind their wives.

Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, "This is marvelous.Can you tell the free world just what let women here achieve this reversal of roles?"

"Land mines," said the Kuwaiti woman.

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After two months, she gave the boss two-weeks notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hardworking and doing a good job.

He called her into his office, and asked her why she was leaving.

"Oh, it is nothink, I just want to kvit that's all," she said sullenly.

"Look, I'll give you a raise," he offered.

"No, but thank you," she said.

"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."

"Okay if you must know," said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look! I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you!"
Tickled by her innocence, the boss also took off his underwear and showed his, explaining, "My dear, it's nature. Look I have it too...."

THE DAFFODIL PRINCIPLE - A Feel good story

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. "I will come next Tuesday," I promised a little reluctantly, on her third call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and so I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren, I said, "Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!"

My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother." Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I' heading for home," I assured her. "I was hoping you'd take me over to the garage to pick up my car." "How far will we have to drive?" "Just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this." After several minutes, I had to ask, "Where are we going? This isn't the way to the garage!" "We're going to my garage the long way," Carolyn smiled, "by way of the daffodils." "Carolyn," I said sternly, "please turn around."

"It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand-lettered sign that read, "Daffodil Garden." We got out of the car and each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns-great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with
its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers. "But who has done this?" I asked Carolyn.

"It's just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well kept A frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Question I Know You Are Asking" was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The secon answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and very little brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958." There it was, The Daffodil Principle. For me, that moment was a life-changing experience.

I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun-one bulb at a time-to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top. Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world. This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. She had created something of ineffable (indescribable) magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles
of celebration. That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time-often just one baby-step at a time-and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort,we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world. "It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty
years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those
years. Just think what I might have been able to achieve!" My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way.

"Start tomorrow," she said.

It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her.

She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''

The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''

Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all

a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands.

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.

PMS
TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Midsection
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly; Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before theyfigured it out. And, they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they have been jn the same cabinet for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@!... HOUSE!

1. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

2. Why is a Laundrette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.

4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me . . "

5. How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

6. Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

8. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.

9. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to
interrupt her.

11. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.

13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

14. Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

15. Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

17. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same
thing:
"You can have mine."

18. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No,you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years" Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. Ten were men and one woman. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a real touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men clapped.

"Ninety percent of women say that a man's looks aren't important.

Jill had been divorced for a few years and, very lonely, finally consented to going out on a date with John, the gentleman her son fixed her up with.

John picked her up and they went on a picnic in a very secluded spot.

John also had been divorced for a long time and found himself very attracted to Jill, and despite her resistance at first to his advances, he finally was able to make love to her.

Jill was mortified at her lack of self-control and sobbed, "I don't know how I can face my son, knowing that in a time of weakness I sinned twice!"

John said, "What do you mean 'twice'? We only did it once!"

Why is a Laundromat a bad place to pick up a woman?

Bad Girls vs Good Girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls say, ''Don't... Stop...''
Bad girls say, ''Don't Stop...''

Benefits of Being Female

*We got off the Titanic first.

* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

* When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.

* Our boyfriends' clothes look elfin and gorgeous on us -- guys look like complete idiots in ours.

* We can be groupies.

* Male groupies are stalkers.

* We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

* Taxis stop for us.

* Men die sooner, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

* Free drinks.

* Free dinners.

* We can hug our friends without wondering if they think we're gay.

* We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay.

* We know the truth about whether size matters.

* New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

* Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.

* It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

* No fashion faux pas we make could rival the Speedo.

* We don't fart to amuse ourselves.

* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.

* If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

* We have the ability to dress ourselves.

* We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

* We have an excuse to be totally cranky at least once a month.

* We can talk to people of the opposite sex without automatically picturing them naked.

* If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

* Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

* There are times when chocolate really can solve all our problems.

* Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.

* We'll never regret piercing our ears.

* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

15 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

1. BEING PASSIVE.

Don't let him undress you and himself. Just help him a little bit: like making the first step. Just because we are men it doesn't mean that we must do all the job.

2. WEARING JEANS OR TIGHT PANTS.

It takes time to take off these kind of clothes. Every second counts. Remember one thing: the more time you got, the more rounds you got, and the more rounds you got the more satisfied you get.

3. GOING DOWN HALFWAY.

Once you start going down, don't stop at the belly button, keep going or just don't go past the neck at all.

4. CHOCKING HIS CHICKEN.

Men feel pain, we are not as tough as you think. No man has a leather dick. You got to be smooth with the dick. Pulling it too hard doesn't make us feel horny, it hurts even though we don't tell you.

5. LICKING HIS EAR TOO MUCH.

It's just the same as a dog licking a bitches ass.

6. MOANING LIKE A RUNNER THAT NEEDS AIR.

Better moan with style girls cause men love to make fun of girls who can't moan like movie stars. Try not too make much noise when you exhale.

7. SCRATCHING HIS BACK.

We don't need no autographs, girls. It does not feel good at all. Depend on the length of nail and how deep you dig them in our backs so keep your nails in you pockets please. If you feel the need to scratch a boys back, either grip the hell out of the
sheets or the headboard.

8. LETTING YOUR HAIR FALL IN HIS FACE.

Men need air, they breath.

9. JUMPING ON HIPS TO HARD.

A man is not a horse so please take it easy unless you got a big booty to take care of the landing.

10. SCREAMING TOO LOUD WHEN YOU CUM.

Are you crazy? Do you want us to get caught by your parents? Or do you just love seeing me jump through the window butt naked...

11. KEEP YORSELF CLEAN!

Everyone knows that fish is the smell. But we don't have to be smelling it when you take your panties off. Please warn us if you haven't freshened up. And nobody wants to suck on salty dirty titties. Men aren't the only ones who sweat. And we sure
don't want you smelling like you work at a fish market either. Make sure your ass is clean!!! No man wants to eat off a dirty plate.

12. MAKE SURE YOUR FEET ARE IN CHECK.

Every man has a certain turn on, everything on a woman must be perfect, that's how we like it. Do not, I repeat do not get in bed with us with your feet looking like you were walking bare foot on toxic waste. You know what I am talking about, nail polish coming off halfway, smelly as hell, uneven toenails, soles feeling like sandpaper. Its hard to perform good foreplay with that. And don't even think about asking us to suck your toes when they look like they have been beaten with a sledge hammer (ugly) and we are not to fond of unpolished toes either. We like them soft, pretty, and tasty looking.

13. GIVING HEAD.

Don't use your teeth! It hurts, really!

14. AFTER SEX BROADCASTING.

Don't go bragging to your friends saying that you have us so called "whipped" its not cool at all, especially when his friends are around. If a man is "whipped" he won't admit it.

15. KEEP IT REAL.

When you're at the point of breaking up, don't wait until then to tell us we didn't knock it right. You know damn well we had you climbing the walls and walking on air.

Women Vs. Men

Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell men how wonderful they are.

Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say. Everything they do.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful women is one who can find such a man.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.

When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives heropinions, she's a b--ch.

Women are the only exploited group in history who have been idealized into powerlessness.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. Now you know which sex is smarter.

Most men's primary fantasy is still, unfortunately, access to a number of beautiful women. For a man, commitment means giving up this fantasy. Most women's primary fantasy is a relationship with one man who either provides economic security or is on his way to doing so (he has "potential"). For a woman, commitment to
this type of man means achieving this fantasy. So commitment often means that a woman achieves her primary fantasy, while a man gives his up.