Robin Hood  

You've heard the tale of Robin Hood
And how he did the poor people good
But there is more to this famous story
Of Sherwood Forests pride and glory

At night when all the robbing was done
The merry men would have some fun
In fact it would be fair to say
The merry men were rather gay

As Little John starts to unwind
Robin took him from behind
And as they frolic in the grass
Robin rammed it up his ass

One night when they were all at play
A gorgeous maiden came their way
She sauntered up to Friar Tuck
And said I'm Marion wanna fuck

The Friar couldn't believe his ears
She's offering sex to us old queers
While he recovered from the shock
Robin presented her with his cock

Marion clothes were off in a flash
The merry men all had a bash
For Marion this was all sheer bliss
As they filled her every orifice

When it was done she gave a whine
Thank you boys for a lovely time
But for the pleasure you must pay
I've got the pox now have a nice day

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Mattie passed his mum's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man". 

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.  One day Mattie came home from school and heard her moaning again.  When he peeked into the bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Two people (girlfiend and boyfriend) went to the girlfriends house and she says "want to come in" and he says "sure."

They go in and the girlfriend says lets go up to my bed, and theboyfriend says sure.

The girl says we have bunk beds and he says cool.

She told him, "If I want you to push harder I will say balony and if I want you to stop I will say salomy."

A boy walks in on his parents having sex.

Curious, he asks "What are you doing?"

Dad replies, "You know how you always wanted a little brother? I'm putting one in your mom."

The next day the dad comes home and sees the his son crying on the porch and he asks, "What's wrong?"

A 75 year old woman went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told her she needed more activity and recommended sex three times a week.

She says to the doctor, "Please, tell my husband."

The doctor goes out in the waiting room and tells the husband that she needs to have sex three times a week. The 80 year old husband replies, "Which days?"

The doctor says, "How about Monday, Wednesday and Friday?"

Two little boys were arguing.

"My father is better than your father!"

"No he's not!"

"My brother is better than your brother!"

"No he's not!"

"My mother is better than your mother!"

The second boy paused. "Well I guess you've got me there.

An elderly widowed gentleman in a nursing home became very friendly with an elderly lady. He told her his former wife used to hold his penis every night to help him go to sleep.

The elderly lady decided to do this for her new male friend every night for a week. Each night he fell soundly asleep. The next week the gentleman told the lady that he was sorry but he had found a new partner. She was very upset and asked him, "What does she have that I don't have?"

one day there was an italian couple. mamma came to pappa and said,"poppa,poppa, we gotta find a code word for when we maka love, the kids are catching on" poppa says, "oh thats silly, but if you wish, then we shall have a code word, how a 'bout awashing machine?"

Momma says, "ok awashing machine it is."

This guy walks into a bar and ask the bartender, "Where can I get fucked?"

The bartender says, "Go across the street to apartment 5b, and tell the
lady that you wanna get fucked."

So the guy goes across the street to the apartment building, finds apartmen 5b, knocks on the door and says, "I wanna get fucked."

A woman says, "Slide 20 dollars under the door."

A young girl comes home to her mother's house and informs her that she is engaged to be married. She says, "Mother, he's wonderful. He's rich beyond our wildest dreams. He has homes in the south of France, Beverly Hills, New York, and about a dozen other cities. He has a 200 ft yacht, Ferraris, Rolls Royces, and a jet airplane. There is only one problem....he says he really likes anal sex, and I know how you feel about that."

The mother says, "Well I don't know dear. I'm only thinking of your happiness. I'm not sure a man like this will make you happy."

The daughter replies, "Yes but if I marry him, you will never want for another thing as long as you live."

The mother considers this and finally agrees to allow them to marry.

They are married shortly thereafter and go off to their honeymoon. During their honeymoon the mother receives a new house, a new car, and a sizeable pension every month from her
new son-in-law.

Six months later the daughter returns from her honeymoon and she is mad as hell. She fumes, kicks furniture and swears she wants a divorce. Her mother asks her why she is so angry.

"Mother, I want a divorce. The man is an animal. All he ever wants is anal sex. All day, every day. It's constant. Mother do you know that before I was married, my sphincter was the size of a penny, and now it's as big as a silver dollar!"

Seven wise men with the knowledge so fine. Created a pussy to their own design.

First, was a Butcher sharp with wit,using a knife created a slit.

Second, was a Carpenter strong and bold, using a chisle created a hole.

Third, was a Taylor tall and thin, using red velvet he lined it within.

Fourth, was a Hunter short and stout, using furr he lined it without.

Fifth, was a Fisherman as naughty as hell, who threw in a fish and gave it a smell.

Sixth, was a Preacher named Macgee, who touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.

There is a little boy and his dad out walkin one day when the little boy says" dad can I get a girl friend?"

The dad says when your older!

Five years pass and the boy is 8 years old and he says to his dad "dad can I get a girl friend now?"

The dad replies when you are older.

Five more years pass and the boy is 13. He says to his dad "dad can I get a girl friend NOW?"

The dad finally says " when you are 18"

When the boy reaches 18 he goes out and gets the fittest blonde haired bird there is and brings her home.

She takes him to his bedroom and she starts takin her clothes off!

The boy rushes down stairs and in a panic says" dad the girl is takin her clothes off and getting into my bed!"

The father now exited tell him" STICK YOUR BIGGEST, HAIRIEST
THING in her pussy!"

Mary is married and has 15 children. One day her husband dies.

A year later she remarries and has 20 more kids. After the last child is born, the second husband dies.

A month later Mary dies as well. At her wake the priest looks tenderly at Mary in her
coffin, looks up to heaven, and says,"Finally,they're together".

A man standing next to the priest asks,"Excuse me,Father,but do you mean her first or second husband?"

If you go to your first orgy, don't arrive naked.
You have to let nudity "happen"

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.