A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?" 

The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down."

His friend says, "You know, that don't sound too bad." 

A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her. She wants more and they do it again. She still wants more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute, I have to relive myself."

While out of the car he notices a guy a half block away changing a flat.

He asks the guy "Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've given it to her four or five times and she still wants more.

I'll change your flat if you'll take over for me."

The guy does and is just getting in the high numbers when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them.

The cop asks "What're you doing in there?"

The guy says "I'm making love to my wife."

A 69-year-old man was in seeing a new doctor.

The doctor asked the man how often he had sex.

As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for Lent. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort. The first few weeks weren’t too difficult. Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest nightclothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed.

The last couple of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch. Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife’s bedroom door. "KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!"

Husband: "Guess whom?"

Wife: "I know who it is!"

Husband: "Guess what I want?"

Wife: "I know what you want!"

Two guys are having a beer, talking about various sex positions. The first guy says that his favorite position is the "rodeo."

The other guy asks what the position is and how to do it.

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring.

"Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony.

Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving.

"Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"

Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.

"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"

"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.

Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"

The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.

Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor suggested they vary their position. "For example," he said, "you might try the wheelbarrow... Lift her legs, penetrate, and off you go!"

The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home.

I once took a sex education class in college and a funny thing happened one day:

The professor arrived and said we'd be discussing positions that day and asked us how many positions did we know.

I sat there too embarrassed to speak but one gal a couple of seats over said, "Twelve."

The professor nodded approval but as he got ready to call on another hand there was a loud call from the far back row of the 150 seat auditorium, "A hundred and one."

The little professor looked over his thick glasses but couldn't make out who had spoken.

Finally he called on a fellow down in the front row who replied, "Seven."

And once again from the very back was heard, "A hundred and one."

Finally he called on a very shy lady sitting next to me. At first she acted like she wasn't going to answer. Finally she said, "Only one sir."

And the professor said, "Well young lady that is unusual. And what position would that be?"

"With the man on top and woman on the bottom," she quietly replied.

And from the back of the room came that same voice, "A hundred and two!" Rated G

I once took a sex education class in college and a funny thing happened one day:

The professor arrived and said we'd be discussing positions that day and asked us how many positions did we know.

I sat there too embarrassed to speak but one gal a couple of seats over said, "Twelve."

The professor nodded approval but as he got ready to call on another hand there was a loud call from the far back row of the 150 seat auditorium, "A hundred and one."

The little professor looked over his thick glasses but couldn't make out who had spoken.

Finally he called on a fellow down in the front row who replied, "Seven."

And once again from the very back was heard, "A hundred and one."

Finally he called on a very shy lady sitting next to me. At first she acted like she wasn't going to answer. Finally she said, "Only one sir."

And the professor said, "Well young lady that is unusual. And what position would that be?"

"With the man on top and woman on the bottom," she quietly replied.

The two East Coast hookers decided to move to the West Coast and while driving through New Mexico they stopped at a little general store.

Well, lo and behold there were two older Indian women sitting on the front porch and the four women started up a conversation, which lead to the one older Indian woman who said "Well I'm a Navajo and she is an Arapaho."

A woman was getting out of her car when a man grabbed her from behind with a gun to her head.

The man turned her around and let her go with the gun still pointed at her.

The woman didn't know what to do so she just stood there stunned.

The man then forced her into her garage where he demanded she remove her clothes.

She said, "I wouldn't ask that if I were you." He snapped back, "Just do it or I'll kill you."

So she proceeded to remove her clothing down to her underwear and bra.

He then ordered her to remove her bra.

She again said, "I wouldn't ask that if I were you."

He was starting to get annoyed and shouted, "Just do it!"

So she did and what a wonderful sight to him perfectly round firm breasts which he started to touch and kiss all while pointing the gun to her head.

When he couldn't stand it anymore he demanded she remove her panties.

She once again said, "I wouldn't ask that if I were you."

He yelled back, "Just do it or I will blow your head off."

As she proceeded to pull her panties down what a gruesome sight to behold.

The man observed a rashy, pus filled, smelly, pussy.

He was so shocked he dropped his gun, which the woman quickly picked up. S

A passenger plane traveling to California is suddenly hit with a severe engine problem and plummets into the Pacific Ocean. The impact is such that the plane is ripped apart leaving only one man alive. After hours of swimming he spies an island and drags himself up onto the sandy shores. Though he is half drowned and aware that he is thousands of miles from home he cannot but admire the beauty of the island he has found himself on.

Looking down the beach he sees a figure lying on the beach, another survivor from the crash. He runs over and sees that she is not breathing so quickly he gives her the kiss of life. After several attempts she coughs into life. As she wipes the hair from her face he now can see who it is.

It's Jennifer Lopez.

Forever grateful to him for saving her life they strike up an immediate bond, and over the following weeks while stranded on the island, they fall madly in love.

One day Jennifer is walking down the beach and notices her new found love sitting on the rocks by the beach staring out to sea with a look of sorrow on his face.

Feeling there's something wrong, she wanders over to him and asks what is wrong.

"Jennifer. The last few weeks have been the greatest of my life. We've found this island paradise. We have all the food and water we could require and I have you, but still I can't help feel there's something missing."

Jennifer replies, "What my darling? What is it that you need. I'll do anything."

"Well there is one thing. Would you mind putting on my shirt?"

"OK."

"And my trousers?"

"OK."

At this point he gets up and grabs some charcoal from the ground, and draws a neat moustache on her lips.

"OK.... Can you start to walk around the island and I'll set off the other way and meet you half way."

"OK dear, whatever will make you happy."

This guy has this crush on this girl at his work.

He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her he gets the biggest erection ever.

There is nothing he can do to control it. It just happens.

After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up.

This way he won't have to see her and he won't get too excited.

He ends up asking her out and she says yes.

He figures what he'll do is tie his penis to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it.

He gets to her house knocks on her door.

A guy goes to see a psychiatrist. He says, "Doc, I think I'm hung up on women's breasts."

The psychiatrist says, "We'll see. I'll give you a quick word-association test. I'll say something, and then you say the first thing that comes into your mind."

The doctor says, "2 Egg's" The guy says, "Boobs."

The doctor says, "Orange." The guy says, "Hooters."

The doctor says, "Grapefruit." The guy says, "Jugs."

The doctor says, "Windshield wipers." The guy says, "Knockers."

The psychiatrist says, "It's very obvious you have a problem. I mean, I can understand the egg, an orange, or even a grapefruit, but why would windshield wipers make you think of breasts?"

The Texas teeny-bopper told a classmate, "I'll let you do it for $20 -- $10 to put it in and $10 to take it out."

The boy quickly agreed.

The couple went into the woods, and the young thang slipped off her panties and laid back.

The boy slipped in his erection and handed her a $10 bill. And then, when he was finished, he handed her another $10 and she released him.

The next week, he requested her again, and she agreed.

This time, he handed her the $10 then, when he had finished, he just lay there.

After about 10 minutes, she said "OK, Billy! Take it out now."