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Author Topic: SEX Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-08-2003 08:32 PM                        Rated G [??????????????????????] If you have sex with your own clone, are you gay or are you masturbating?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-17-2003 02:48 PM                        Rated G A new study says that having sex decreases your chances of getting a cold... The more sex you have,the less you'll have a cold... Just wait until guys get hold of this! A woman sneezes and he'll be saying,[b]"Hey,I got something for that."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-18-2003 09:19 AM                        Rated G Two men were talking. One said: "I'd love to be casseroled by a redhead." "What's that mean?" his puzzled friend said, "Casseroled is a cooking term, meaning to be done slowly for a long time." The first man shrugged. "Exactly." he replied.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-25-2003 05:20 PM                        Rated XXX A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting university. "Mum, I have to tell you," the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend." "I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience." "Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt great, but after them my pussy got really sore."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-25-2003 06:05 PM                        Rated XXX Hillery Clinton is the celebrity contestant on Password. It's her turn to guess the word. Voice Over: And the password is. . . black dick! Hillery: Um. . . is it a place? Her partner: No. Hillery: Is it a person? Her partner: No. Hillery: Hmm, then it must be a thing. Um, is it something I might want to eat? Her partner, exasperated: Well, I dunno, maybe. Hillery: Is it black dick?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2003 05:35 AM                        Rated XXX A man wants to introduce his nephew to the game of sex. The young man is worried that he might not do it right so his uncle comes up with a plan. The young man will get a hooker, wine her and dine her, then take her back to his apartment for a night of pleasure. The uncle will be in the bedroom closet so if the boy has a problem, he can shout it out, and from the closet will come the answer about what to do. That night everything is going according to the plan. When they get back to the apartment the hooker gets into bed while the young man goes to the bathroom to put on a condom. The hooker suddenly gets a cramp and must go to the bathroom now! She feels around the bed and grabs an empty shoe box and takes a big dump in it. Now here comes the young man walking in the dark room. He steps in the shoe box and shouts out, "There's shit in the box, there's shit in the box . From the closet comes the reply, "Then roll her over!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2003 05:39 AM                        Rated XXX Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north. That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?" The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp." "Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?" "Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2003 05:50 AM                        Rated XX Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island. After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself. After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury her. After another week, they're so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her up again.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2003 12:10 PM                        Rated G Sex is like a joke.... Some get it. And some don't.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2003 12:13 PM                        Rated G If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-27-2003 09:52 AM                        Rated R Captain Silver Three Swedish men visited Copenhagen and decided to go to a bordello. They knocked on the door and the Madame opened. Madame: What do you want? Swedes: We want to come in. We are Swedish. Madame: How much money are you willing to spend here? Swedes: We have altogether 250 crones. Madame: 250 crones!! For that price you can fuck each other! After saying this the Madame slammed the door shut. After about 15 minutes the same 3 Swedish guys knocked on the door again. Madame: Well, what do you want now? Swedes: Where can we pay?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-01-2003 01:40 PM                        Rated XXX Captain Silver New Sexual Positions The IRS position, where you just bend over and take it up the ass with no lube. The Humidor (requires a cigar and an intern). The Monday Night Football (actually just doggie style done facing the TV with the game on with her in the football jersey of your favorite team). The Kentucky Derby (AKA Woman astride) be forewarned if you decide to use the western variant of this (The Rodeo) her spurs WILL wreak havoc on the bed linens! Oral Submarine. The guy must Dive...Dive ... Dive. The Bugs Bunny: It's when the guy is on top with the women's legs pinned behind her head. The British telecom position: you get SCREWED by them and they never call you back. The Grenade Position...I'll lay down and you blow the hell out of me. The Enron Position...no matter what, you're getting it up the ass. Totally Screwed - the position you in when your spouse comes in early from work and catches you in a position you can't get out of... And the #1 New Name for a Sexual Position: The ever-famous "No, you gotta get your leg up higher...no, not like that, like this...NO it's got to be HIGHER than that. No, like this...oh, yeah that'd work...if you were the one with the vagina...NO, would you listen to me? HIGHER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH? You know what? Never mind...I don't even wanna do it anymore. No, I won't give you head. No, we can't try again...Yeah, that's right. I am gonna use my vibrator... Well, I wouldn't have to if you could get your leg up!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2003 05:37 PM                        Rated PG .......Sue Bee Chandler wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up sex and go cold turkey?" "Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-14-2003 06:52 AM                        Rated R Did You Know???? A blowjob is the only job in the world that cannot be included in your resume despite years of experience and a number of references.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2003 09:22 AM                        Rated R .....Pregnant A seventeen-year-old girl goes to see her mom and tells her that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried,the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,"Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.Half an hour later a brand new Ferrari stops at their house, a mature and distinguished man,with grey hair and impeccably dessed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation,but I'll take charge. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 3 stores, 2 townhouses, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $500,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage..." At this point, the father, who had remained silent all this time, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him: "You'll screw her again!!!"  |  IP: Logged

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